The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

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I Don’t Want To Know

on May 16, 2012

A couple of years ago in the midst of the “nighttime chaos” at our house, I asked our youngest son if he had brushed his teeth for bed.  Now I know that this may look like I was going against all the wise parent teaching books which tell you not to trap your children by asking them questions which will make them lie to you, but I really wasn’t doing it on purpose.  I was finishing something in the kitchen and was rushed so I wasn’t paying attention to what he was doing.  Besides, I like to look as it as an opportunity for my kids to tell me the truth.  Anyway, he told me “uh-huh.”  I looked over at him and noticed the chocolate still decorating the corners of his mouth. “Okay. This time try it with water and toothpaste.”  Eyes rolled heavenward, sighing, he walked out muttering, “Moms know EVERYTHING.”  One of the things  I love about little kids is that they think moms are omnipresent.  Our oldest was astonished that I knew he’d been playing with the aim flame lighter his dad kept on his work bench. (See bubbled and charred paint on our garage door frame.) Our oldest daughter couldn’t quite figure out how I knew she’d cut her own bangs.  Our younger daughter was amazed that I knew the art work on the wall belonged to her. (Don’t sign it dear!)  My kids will still tell you that I find out most everything. That is probably because there isn’t much they can do that their father and I didn’t do.

I did discover recently that there are some things that they know that I didn’t.  We were eating supper one night when my daughters began talking about when they were little. Eventually they talked about how our oldest son and daughter used to trap our youngest daughter in the playroom of our basement when I thought they were down there playing together. ( I guess I was wrong.)  Our poor little three year old was stuck behind the couch  that divided the two rooms (as well as several other things they drug over to block her in) while her older siblings watched television in the family room.  I guess the fiery toddler did do her best to bean them in the heads with toys.   As I sat listening to them reminisce, one thought kept going through my head.  I finally asked it: “Where was I when all this was going on?”  “Upstairs.”  Evidently they would pull her out of there when they heard me coming down the stairs.  I feel like a great mom…   I’m sure as the years pass I will find out other things they did of which I was clueless.  My siblings and I still do that to our mom once in a while.  We will be talking about something and our mom will sit straight up and say, “WHAT?”  Oh….we didn’t tell you that??  Hmmm…

Our oldest son who is now at college studying to be a police officer (eventually a detective) called me on Mother’s Day.  He is doing an internship this summer at a prison. A women’s penitentiary to be exact.  He’s excited. His mother….not so much.  During his call Sunday he said, “Mom! I had weapons training the other day. It was soooo cool!” I was trying to sound excited. “Oh. That’s great.”  The kid still doesn’t  know when to stop, “I got to play with a Glock. It was legit.” Is this a good thing to tell your mother? “Oh.” I said.  He then went on to tell me how the complex has three floors: minimum, medium and maximum security by floor.  I asked, “So you’ll be on the minimum security floor right?”  “Uh, no. They put the kids right out of high school there. I’ll rotate between medium and maximum.” MAXIMUM?!?!  Gulping, “Oh.  I don’t think I like that.  You know  women can be nasty.”  “Yeah, but they told us they usually back down when you pull out your taser. Usually don’t have to use it.”  Gulp. “Oooookay.  Well, I meant they say nasty things. You’ll probably get propositioned.”  “Already have Mom.”  “Oh.”   At that moment it occurred to me that I never taught the kid:

There are some things Mama Bears don’t want to know!

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2 responses to “I Don’t Want To Know

  1. ~Rose says:

    Yep…. understand where you’re coming from for sure. My DAUGHTER is a police officer…. Sergeant now. Lots of things she hasn’t told me but what I know about are enough!!! lol!!!

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