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The Ten Things

on June 2, 2012

If you’ve never read it,may I recommend the book, “The Five People You Will Meet In Heaven.”  It’s great story that made me stop and think about the effect a person’s life has on others whether that person realizes it or not.  Reflection is great when it inspires you to live life to the fullest.  My reflection this morning is not inspiring.  It isn’t life changing. It might make you stop and think about where you plan to spend eternity.  It was brought on by a telemarketing call that jarred me from sleep this morning. So along the lines of the five people you will meet in heaven, I present (In no particular order):

The Ten Things I Just Know Are Going To Be In Hell

1 – Telemarketing calls.  Not the people making them, because I know they are just trying to make a living,  just the calls. I’m talking about the piercing sound of the phone ringing just when you sit down to eat or are sleeping.

2 – Navy Blue Carpet.  My husband and I moved into a trailer when our oldest daughter was due to be born.  It had navy blue carpet in the living room and hallway and it showed every little crumb that was dropped on it.  I had a toddler and a newborn.  I’m believe that I wore out two vacuum cleaners in that house just trying to keep that carpet looking decent.  Yep: it’ll be flame retardant, but it’ll be there.

3 – Doctor’s Office Magazines.  You know those magazines.  The ones that are ridiculously outdated. The ones that people who have unknown viruses have licked their fingers to turn the pages in.

4 – Easy Open Packages.  Do these ever work for anyone? The “Tear Here” strips that pull crooked paths across plastic or strip out half way through. The “Lift Tab” packages with the tabs that break off before anything is open.  I believe there will be a room that has a wall of these easy open devices.  You won’t be able to leave it until you get everything open.  It’ll require an ax.

5 – Vines.  While they look lovely in some places, there is a vine in the corner of our yard that I have been trying to kill for 12 years.  It really isn’t that pretty and it chokes out anything else planted near it. It keeps popping up in other places in our yard because it spreads underground. I’ve pulled roots and trunks and….yeah….this vine is GOING to be there.  Trust me.

6 – June Bugs and Miller Moths.  I can find no real reason these things exist except for that worms need to turn into something when they grow up.  They serve no purpose in the overall scheme of things if you don’t count terrorizing people by dive bombing at them when they stand near light on a spring or summer evening.

7 – Child Proofing Devices.  While most toddlers figure out how to get around these items by the time they are two, Mom fights with them for years.

8 – Easy to Assemble Products. Those wonderful things we purchase thinking we are saving money by putting them together ourselves. We don’t stop to think about the cost of the prescription for the blood pressure medication we are going to have to buy.  Or the per hour cost of our time.  Or the extra parts we’re going to have to buy when Peg A Doesn’t fit into Slot B. We have a computer desk in our home that is worth $5,222,312 if you add that all up.

9 – The Tupperware/Plastic Storage Ware Cabinet.    Do you store the with the lids on? Stack them and keep the lids elsewhere?  Why do they not all nest together nicely? Why is it that when you go to get one thing the rest of them decide to fall out? Where is that lid?? I have some of the most organized cupboards around but this particular cabinet is always on the edge of being out of control.

10 – Walmart Parking Lots.  Do I really need to explain this one?  I don’t shop there other than when my job requires me to purchase supplies there, but I have images burned in my brain from this parking lot.  I have had more near accidents in that place than anywhere else on earth.  Yeah…if there are cars there, this parking lot, especially during Christmas Season, will be there.

I’m so glad that I know where I’m going. I’ve dealt with these things enough on earth.


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