The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

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Kid Quotes

on July 14, 2012

I think I have mentioned before that our youngest son is the king of one-liners. The kid seriously cracks me up at least once a day. My daughters have also inherited my warped personality.  I’d like to blame this all on their father but I’m trying to not lead a delusional life.  While my husband is one of the funniest people I know he is more selective about the people with whom he shares it. In other words the filter between his brain and his mouth works better than ours.   I often post some of the funny things my kids say on my Facebook page. Many of my friends have told me I need to write a book with these quotes.  I’m no author but I do have a blog so an idea was born. Here are some recent conversations from our home.

A few weeks ago after visiting our oldest son I was telling my husband that I now understand the quote “a mother’s heart walks around outside her body”.  I miss that kid. Of course I was having the conversation in front of the other children so our youngest, Jakob, age 10,  asked what that meant exactly. I answered, “It means that I love you  more than I love myself.”  My oldest daughter, Brittnie, age 17, said, “Awwww. That’s so sweet. I love me more than you too.”  There was a pause while that processed, then, “Wait! That didn’t sound exactly right!”  Yep.  She’s my kid.  She inherited my ability to word things completely wrong.  Her younger sister, Lyndsie, age 14, got a double dose however.

Just last night while helping me with chores she looked at J and said, “Would you put the trash can in a bag please?”  Huh?  Red-faced because her brother was laughing hysterically she said, “Oh stop. You know what I meant.”  She’s going to be a great mom someday.  Because that didn’t stop the laughing she said, “You know what?”  “What?” I asked. “Mom. You aren’t supposed to ask what. That’s just a saying that means knock it off.”  Oh.  I learned something new.

Sunday afternoon I came upstairs after my treadmill work-out. J: “Mom the back of your hair is black. What happened?” Me: “It’s wet. I was sweating.” J: “Maybe you should just walk slower.”  Why didn’t I think of that?

My husband took the youngest two fishing one evening. J to L: “You want to carry the worms?” L: “Ew! No.” J: “They are in a box. They can’t get out.” L: “They’re creepy.” J:”What are you worried they are going to bite you?” pause “I don’t even think worms have mouths.” He’s my logical one.

Later that night my husband told me they had fun but that the bullfrogs at the lake were freaking out our daughter. (She’s such a GIRL!) I told Lyndsie later that I’d heard she wasn’t impressed with the bullfrog noises. L: “They are scary sounding mom.” J:”They are bullfrogs. What are they going to do? Hop you to death?” He is such a little brother. L: “They are slimy and creepy and I don’t want them around me.” J: “Okay. But that may have been your last shot at catching a prince!”

Brittnie took her siblings to do a friend’s paper route for them.  They had to go to a neighborhood that is located a few miles out of town. After they got home they were filling me in on a car that was tailgating them on the highway on the way home. B:”The woman was crazy. As soon as we hit the two lane in town she went flying by me. Jakob stuck his tongue out at her.” J: “She flipped me off.”  I whirled around. “How do you even know what that means?!?” Pause (I can see his little brain formulating a plan to protect older siblings while answering honestly.) J: “I don’t know.” Me: “Seriously. Who told you what that is?” Pause. J: “I don’t remember.”  No. I didn’t believe him but decided to let it go. Me: “That isn’t a nice thing to say so don’t say it any more. And whatever you do, DON’T ever do it!” J: “Just because you have knowledge doesn’t mean you have to use it mom.”  Yes. Had to turn my head to laugh.

Driving by the new outdoor aquatic center by our home,  there was apparently a cute lifeguard standing near the fence. L: “Oh! I have suddenly forgotten how to swim!”  Nope. We won’t be purchasing that family pass.

Brittnie usually works evenings. By the time she gets home the rest of us are tired and, some days, cranky.  Wednesday night she attempted conversation and then said, “I’m going downstairs where the people are nicer.”  There was no one down there.  I guess that is code for ‘go to bed mom.’

Last night my husband left for his four day work week and I was home alone with the youngest two kids. It has been a long week. I was tired and fighting a headache.  I said to my youngest son, “I’m sorry I’m not very exciting tonight.”  His reply, keep in mind he was attempting to be sweet, “That’s okay mom. I wasn’t expecting much.”

So that’s the talk at our house this week.  I’m hoping that if this goes over well I can turn it into a weekly installment. (Now watch. My kids won’t say anything funny this week.)  Let me know what you think!


This is SO our youngest child:






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