The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

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The Return Of Things I Don’t Get

on July 22, 2012

It’s been a while, but here are some things that have made my thought wheels spin this week:

1. I was watching television with my husband  when yet another drug commercial came on.  This one said, “Contact your doctor if you have new or worsening heart failure.”  Worsening heart failure? Is there a mild form of heart failure?  Isn’t your heart like a pass/fail thing? By the way who needs to be told to contact their doctor when their heart fails?

2. Does anyone else see the commercials for some of the over the counter diet pills and wonder if people know that prune juice or bran flakes will do the same thing for them at a fraction of the price? “Blocks fat absorption”. Uh-huh. More like “shoves all food directly through your system.”  Why would I want to take a pill that gives me the same result as the stomach flu?

3. The sales tax holiday weekend is coming to the nearby state of Iowa.  No sales tax on any clothing item or footwear priced under $100. I was reading up on it and discovered if your shoes are priced at $120 you can’t split them up and pay $60 per shoe to avoid sales tax.  Who even thought of doing that? Genius until they make a new rule….

4. Why is it that I can go the whole day at work with no calls and no texts but the minute I get in my car to drive home people start texting and calling? Are they trying to kill me?

5. While we are in the subject, who decided that two minutes was the maximum time you have to respond to a text before the other person has the right to be mad at you for ignoring them? I can see getting mad after two days maybe….

6. Why are the fastest five minutes of the day the ones that occur right after you hit the snooze button? Why do we think those extra five minutes are going to help anyway? Has anyone ever gotten up and said, “Boy I’m really glad I got that extra 5 minutes of sleep!”

7. There are lots of contractors still working on roofs/siding/gutters in my neighborhood.  I drove by one yesterday whose trailer proudly proclaimed, “Cheap Seemless Gutters”.  What marketing genius came up with that one? Get a thesaurus. Try “sensibly priced” or “affordable”.  “Cheap” makes me think the gutters are going to fall off my house.

8. “BUT WAIT! If you call in the next 30 minutes we will double your order absolutely free!” Then in a really rushed small voice, “Just pay a separate processing fee.”  Ummmm…..then it isn’t really free is it?

9. Why is it when there is a heat wave everyone has to fit it into every conversation?  I answered a sales call the other day and the first question the guy asked was, “Are you enjoying the recent weather?” Where is this guy calling from anyway? Do they have the same weather there? I refrained from saying, “Why yes. I’ve always wanted to visit the surface of the sun.”

10. Ever noticed that no one notices your vehicle until you get a big old crack in the windshield?   I need to come up with a better story. Something like, “Bullet hole. I’m an undercover FBI agent.”

Sign pick of the week:

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One response to “The Return Of Things I Don’t Get

  1. I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award!! You can find the link here: http://theembiggensproject.wordpress.com/2012/07/23/the-versatile-blogger-award-yay/

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