The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

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Kids Quotes #3

on July 29, 2012

Our 21-year-old son, Erik,  came home for the weekend. Friday night sitting together with my husband and all 4 of our “chicks” watching the opening ceremonies of the Olympics will probably be one of my all time favorite memory for years to come.  Not because of the majesty of the event (though it was cool) but because I haven’t laughed that hard for a really long time.  Erik’s running commentary and the responses it provoked was truly hilarious. While I could share some of what was said it would lose something in translation.  You have to hear him “live” to appreciate it. He can throw more voices and accents than anyone else I’ve ever met. We’ve told him for years that if becoming a policeman doesn’t work out for him he should look into voice acting.  One of my favorite observations of the night as the teams were marching in and the ladies were carrying the petals that eventually made up the cauldron for the flame was, “What are those things? Are they afraid someone is going to get too nervous and they don’t want them to throw up on the track?”

I have what I call a “grandma hump” on the back of my neck. I call it that because my grandma had the same hump.  There isn’t anything wrong we just have no neck so there’s a humpy looking thing where our back and neck meet.”  Brittnie announced that her younger sister Lyndsie also has the grandma hump.  L: “I have a what? What are you talking about?!” Me: “It’s the curve there where your back and neck are supposed to meet.” L: “That’s my spine you dork!” Me: “Did you just call me a dork?” L: “No. I was talking to Brittnie.” B: “Nice recovery!”

We were looking at old pictures. One was of the first day of school about 5 years ago. Jakob to Lyndsie: “Man. You hair looks TERRIBLE!” L: “MOM! How did you let me out of the house looking like that?”  Me: “Because your hair always looked like that no matter what I did to it.”  J: “So….not much has changed?”

J: “This is the best meal I’ve had in a long time!” We were eating Pizza Hut pizza. Me: “We grilled ribs and potatoes last night!” J: “Um. I meant that this was the best PIZZA meal I’ve had in a long time.” Me; “Uh huh.” J: “Well you haven’t made homemade pizza for a long time Mom. YOUR pizza is better of course.” My husband: “Quit talking son or we’ll have to get you a backhoe to fill in the hole you are digging.”

Talking to Jakob about whether he wanted to go to a church camp-out or Grandma’s house. “Hmmm…sweat….grandma….tough choice!”

Brittnie was all excited her school schedule was accidentally posted on-line this week. She was being excited about her classes when her father looked at her and said, “It’s official. You are a geek.” Of course the rest of us laughed.  She walked out of the room saying, “I’m going to graduate with honors and you all suck!”

Sitting on the deck. L:”Was that rain?” B:”Maybe a bug peed on you.” My husband looked up, “I think I see a few lightning bugs.” B: “Do you suppose their pee glows??”

Because of her vision issues our daughter Lyndsie has one eye that crosses when she takes her glasses off. She has learned how to make it stop if she wants.  She on occasion will do this back and forth thing just to freak her siblings out. B:”You are a freak of nature and belong in the circus.” Me: “She’s just the way God made her to be.” B: “Maybe God made her for the circus. He obviously made some people for the circus.”

Favorite kid quote this week was about the kids, not by them. The girls were bantering back and forth on the way out the door one morning. My husband, who always refers to us as his flock of hens (For the back story check out my previous post here) looked at me and started clucking.

My husband was talking to our girls. During the course of the conversation something he said made one of them quote a movie line and one of them start singing a song.  After the second time it happened, Brittnie stopped, smacked her head with her palm and said, “See what mom has done to us??” (back story here)

Sitting up late Friday night catching up with Erik I discovered he’s been reading my blog because he referenced a couple of things from previous “Kid Quotes.” His question: “Why did everyone wait to get witty until after I moved out?  My childhood would have been a lot more fun if you all acted that way earlier.”

During our trip to see family on Saturday very casually Erik: “Mom. You know the best thing about working at the prison this summer?” Me: “That it’s done?” E: “No. They let me keep my Glock.”  I swear that kid thinks up ways to throw a “firecracker” at me just to see how I react.

On the way home Saturday night all four kids were bantering back and forth.  Lyndsie said something in that loud high-pitched voice that only a 14-year-old girl can achieve. Erik: “You know when you talk like that deaf people cringe.” Brittnie: “Deaf or dead?” E: “Both.”


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