The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

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Headlines That I Don’t Get

on August 3, 2012

As I looked at my homepage this morning I noticed that one of the trending image searches was for the US Women’s water polo match.  ‘Odd’,  I thought considering I’ve never met too many people who even knew there was a US Women’s water polo team.  Then I remembered that yesterday I glanced at a headline about water polo needing a 3 second delay like US football games now have.  For the same reason I might add. Then it clicked in my head. Wow.  What is wrong with people anyway?  I know I know….we don’t have time for all that.  What I did take the time to do was scan the headlines from today.  Here are some of my favorites.

1 “Victoria Beckham Reveals Why She Never Smiles”   – Does anyone really care why she doesn’t smile?  Maybe she’s just grumpy.  Unless this is an article about some painful chronic condition that she has been hiding I don’t really care.  Wait. I still don’t care.

2. “Weird Twist In Jackson Family Feud”   – “Weird” and “Jackson Family” in the same sentence is NOT news.

3. “Why Women Are Better At Cheating” –  Is this an educational article so men can get better at it or another women-empowering article? Whatever it is I thinking it’s not something for the “fairer gender” to be proud of.

4. “Facial Hair Women Hate” – On themselves or on men?

5. “Neighbors Squeal Over Stinky Pig Farms” – While this one is kind of clever again this is not news. Pig farms stink. The end.

6. “J-Lo’s Beau Reveals How Attraction Began” – She’s a gorgeous incredibly famous multimillionaire.  I think I can connect the dots.

7. “Ohio Mom Unexpectedly Gives Birth” – Why do they keep doing these stories? They are like the “Woman Spots UFO In Trailer Park” headlines.  They do not inspire confidence in our education system.

8. “Adult’s Silly Tantrum Caught On Tape” – As opposed to the adult’s perfectly rational tantrum.  Who needs video to see that anyway?  Happens every day when people are told “no”.

9. “Why A Wet Dog Is So Stinky” – Really?  I’m so glad they have solved that age-old mystery.  Now they can investigate why dirty diapers are so smelly.

10. “Dating Advice To Ignore” –    So you are printing it because???   This one was right below:

11. “Worst Parenting Advice Ever” –  Great.  I’ll be sure to take notes.

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7 responses to “Headlines That I Don’t Get

  1. OMG!!! I am eating my lunch and laughing so hard right now…not a good combo!!! I absolutely adore every one of these. I can’t pick a favorite but 3. 7. and 10 were all up there!!! Good job!!

  2. I just nominated you for the One Lovely Blogger award. You can find the link here: http://theembiggensproject.wordpress.com/2012/08/04/one-lovely-blog-award-for-me-yay/

  3. momshieb says:

    So funny! and I see these types of headlines every damn day!!

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