The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

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This Week’s Headlines I Don’t Get

on August 10, 2012

I’m a firm believer in watching the way you word things.  Especially if you are around me because my brain definitely goes places that it shouldn’t.  For example, I got a call at work the other day from one of our parishioners with an update on some medical tests.  She said, “They found absolutely nothing on my CAT scan.”  Ok.  I knew what she meant but it took every ounce of self control I had to not say something inappropriate.  I find that happens to me a lot. Things just sound funny to me.  I know it isn’t normal but it sure makes life more entertaining.  In that spirit, here are some more “Could you word that better” headlines I ran across.

1. “Nations With The Most Last Place Finishes” – well then they came in first in something didn’t they?

2. “Toy Finally Out Of Nose” – Does that mean they got a toy out of someones nose or that they ran out of noses for toys? Or was there a toy shoved up George Washington’s nose on Mount Rushmore?

3. “Creature Inside Woman’s Ear Shocks Doctors” – Was it an electric eel? On a serious note: if it freaked the doctors I sure don’t want to know about it. EW!

4. “China Frees Angry Mother” – It’s against the law to get mad at your kids in China?  Note to self: don’t move there! You’ll be in jail a lot.

5. “Hire Your Own Paparazzi” – To stalk me or to stalk celebrities for me?

6. “Rules For Getting Rich” –  There are rules?  I mean other than the obvious ‘#1 – Work Hard’??

7. “Duggar’s Competition” – Now they are running a contest to see if anyone can out procreate them? I forfeit. They win!

8. “How To Win A Bar Fight With Your Bare Hands” –  There’s information everyone needs.  Is this a series? Tomorrow’s edition: “How to win a bar fight with a broken beer bottle”.

9. “Wisdom From Those Who Didn’t Go To College” – Really? Can’t I get this wisdom from just about anywhere?  Where did they go to conduct this interview and compile this wisdom?  McDonald’s?

10. “Attractive Coeds Too Distracting For Team” – Well I guess their opponents this season know where to have their cheerleaders stand now.



2 responses to “This Week’s Headlines I Don’t Get

  1. I love these!!!! Sooooo funny!!! I am so with you on #4!!

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