The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

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Kids Quotes #6

on August 18, 2012

Last weekend as we sat together watching the closing ceremonies our children were in rare form.  I should I have known I was in trouble when 17-year-old Brittnie called to me, “Mom! Hurry! You don’t want to miss this.  They are sure to have some of those lame 80’s people you love so much!”

As George Michael began to perform our 14-year-old, Lyndsie, asked, “Now who is this?” My husband replied, “George Michael. He was quite popular.”  B: “Really?  Just goes to show you that anyone can become a superstar.” Later in the show when the Spice Girls were riding around on top of their cars I looked at her and said, “Who proves that anyone can be a superstar??”  B: “Touche.” Meanwhile my husband said, “Is that one wearing a cape?  Who is that? Bat-spice?”  10-year-old Jakob: “Batman doesn’t have a cape Dad.”

Things took an ugly turn when they began “Staying Alive” without the Bee Gees though it was understandable considering the recent death of one of the brothers. My husband, a huge Bee Gee fan, was not saying too much until the guy started rapping. “How do you RAP ‘Staying Alive’??” Jakob: “Like that.”

I totally lost it when they had that Jessie person (whose costume scared me quite honestly) sing “We Will Rock You”. Me: “I’m sorry but this isn’t ‘We Will Rock You’. This is a bad imitation, Who in their right mind thought it was a good idea to do this without the original lead singer of “Queen’ there?” Brittnie: “Give ’em a break Mom.  He’s probably still in rehab.”

The next night my daughters were still in rare form.  Brittnie went upstairs to get something before the two of them went downstairs to watch a movie together.  Lyndsie: “Hurry up pokey!” Brittnie: “Hold your horses!” L: “Did you just say ‘hold your muffins’??” B: “No! I said hold your Hoooorrrrsssseeees.” L: “PRONUNCIATION please!” Me: “How do you mispronounce ‘horses’ so it sounds like ‘muffins’??” L: “Ummmm…..”  A new phrase has been born at our home.  Now my kids all say, “Hold your horse muffins!”

The kids were comparing their freckles. L: “I win the freckle war. There’s a bonus for being the only one who doesn’t tan.” Me, holding out my very freckled arm: “Who wins the freckle war?”  B: “Are those all freckles Mom?” Me: “What else would they be?”  She gave me a sheepish look. Me: “Were you just about to say age spots!?” B: “Depends. Would that make you mad?”

The next day Brittnie showed up at my office with a Scooter’s smoothie. Me: “What’s up with this? Did you do something?” B: “No. I just thought you needed a treat.” Me: “You aren’t sucking up?” B: “Do I need too?” Me: “Not that I’m aware of. This does make up for the age spot thing though.” B: “Mocha fixes everything.”

Taking Lyndsie to her first day as a freshman she was pretty nervous. Me: “You’ll be fine. You were scared of the Junior High too and you did just fine remember?” L: “But there are big people here who could eat me!” Me: “They won’t be there today. Today is just freshman and new students remember?”  L: “Oh. Right.” pause “You mean I need to be nervous again TOMORROW??” I have mentioned she’s our drama queen right?

After dropping her off Jakob and I headed to his school. Me: “Do you want me to walk you over to the playground to find your line.” J: “Mom…NO! I’m not in Kindergarten!” Me (pretending to sniffle): “You let me walk you in first grade too. Don’t you need me now that you are a fourth grader?”  J: “Of course I need you. You pack my lunch.”  Nice to know my place!

I baked cookies on my afternoon off so they would be warm when the kids got home from school. Jakob walked into the kitchen: “I love you Mom!” Me: “Because I make you cookies?” J: “Well that helps!”

We picked up Jakob’s equipment for football. This is his second year playing tackle and he was so excited. Driving home he told me, “I am ready to HIT some people!”  Great. Just what a mother wants to hear!

I was picking on Lyndsie. She looked at me and said her new phrase, “Come at me bro!” Me: “Did you just call me bro?” L: “Not really. It’s a saying.” Me: “Then you don’t really want me to come at you either?” L: “Well no! I’m not stupid!”

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2 responses to “Kids Quotes #6

  1. Your kids are just as funny as you!!!

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