The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

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This Week’s Headlines #4

on August 24, 2012

I must admit it was hard to wade through all the headlines this week about a certain prince from the United Kingdom and his weekend in Las Vegas.  Poor guy. What happens in Vegas is supposed to stay in Vegas.  Guess that doesn’t apply when you are famous and someone has a camera phone.  For the record I am not interested in what the young man did in his private room on vacation. If this constitutes news, people really need to get a life.  While I’m on the subject of people needing to get a life I also noticed several headlines about a young man from Alaska suing for custody of his son.  Again – who cares? Aren’t his 15 minutes of fame up yet? Apparently not.  Okay – on to the other headlines that caught my eye:

1. “A Look At Anti-Zombie Fortresses” – Seriously?  They make those?  Should I put that in the back yard next to the bomb shelter?

2. “When Cats Get Grumpy” – How can you tell?

3. “Homes Elvis Would Love” – Didn’t know he was in the market for a house. Furthermore is this a positive selling point? I guess if you are into gold and guitar-shaped things….

4. “What Does Eating 1,200 Calories A Day Look Like?” – Not much. I’m guessing chocolate isn’t included.

5. “What 46% Of All Women Lie To Their Partners About” – Well I guess that isn’t going to work any more. By the way no one called me to ask.  Where do they come up with their percentages anyway?

6. “Couple Weds 23 Times In 15 Countries” – Hope it sticks this time.

7. “Exclusive: Sports Agent Accused Of Sneaky Dealings” – Exclusive? Seriously? Next you are going to have the exclusive scoop that the sun comes up in the morning.

8. “School Lunch Workers Learn Coaching Skills” – Wouldn’t cooking skills be more helpful?

9. “Fairytale Hair Isn’t Hard To Create” – As long as you have a magic wand.  What is fairytale hair anyway? Does it require a pen and paper?

10. I only found this funny because these two headlines were grouped together: “Back To School Hazards” followed by “Light Cocktail Recipes” – Yep. Sounds about right.

11. “How The Spice Girls Stay In Shape” – Why do I foresee a ‘Spice Workout’ video being marketed soon? Sigh….

12. “NJ Casino Sues Gamblers Who Won 1.5 Million” – Sore losers?

13. “Nepali Man Bites Snake To Death For Revenge” – Ever heard of an ax, buddy? Knife? Gun? Anything but your MOUTH? EW!

14. “Fast Food Causes Car Crash” – Why not? We blame fast food for everything else. See? It is bad for your health.

15. “Norway Killer Sane When He Committed Crimes” – now I guess that would depend on your definition of ‘sane’.

16. “Why You Are Feeling Poor” – Ummm…..might have something to do with your bank account.  Or the grocery store. Or both. Just guessing.

17. “New Rat Has Fangs” – I could have gone the rest of my life without knowing that.

18. “Is Pagent Mom An Unfit Parent?” – If she’s on that reality show I’m going to guess yes. Just sayin…..

19. “Robbers Busted After Writing Thank You Note” – Well I guess we all know they’ll be out early for good behavior.

20. “Biggest Parenting Lies” – Are those the lies you tell as a parent (“I have no idea what happened to that popsicle stick creation you worked on all day yesterday.”) or the ones people tell you about parenting (“It gets easier when they get older.”)??


2 responses to “This Week’s Headlines #4

  1. I love Fridays!!!! Thanks for always making me laugh!!!

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