The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

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Kid Quotes #8

on September 2, 2012

I am starting this week with a few quotes from my mother.  I’m her kid so it works, right?  Actually I am just trying to prove that I come by my humor fairly honestly. My mom is a funny lady.  You have to have a sense of humor to have put up with me all these years.  She’s also a saint.  A funny saint….yep…that’s my mom.  I try to check in with her every few days.  A few weeks ago I called to see how her doctor’s appointment went.  She said, “It’s a miracle. My doctor told me something I never thought I’d hear in my life.” Curious I asked her what he’s said. “Well.” she said, “He told me he didn’t want me to lose any more weight.  I asked him if he would record that.”  See? Funny woman.

In another conversation she told me that the night before she had been awoken in the middle of the night by a horrible sound coming from their porch area. “It scared me to death.  I looked over and of course there was your father snoring away so I flopped around a little until he woke up and then I said, ‘Oh! Did that noise wake you too?’ ”  Apparently a cat had gotten shut in the outside closet near my parent’s porch. Daddy rescued the cat and Mom.  The funniest part of this whole thing is that when I was telling my husband the part about mom flopping around to wake Daddy up he said, “uh-huh.”  I looked at him and said, “What? You know I do that??” He smiled at me. “Uh-huh.”  Oops. Busted!

Okay – on to my silly children this week.

Brittnie turned 18 on Friday. A few days before her birthday her father was talking about how pregnant I was and how hot it had been that summer.  She was due on August 17th according to the doctor and August 7th according to my calculations. No ultra sound so no one was listening to me. She arrived August 31st and was BY FAR our biggest baby. She’d even lost some weight because she was so overdue.  My husband said, “About this time 18 years ago your mom thought she was going to be pregnant the rest of her life and that we’d moved to the surface of the sun.” Me: “Yeah. That wasn’t the most fun summer I remember.” Brittnie: “Sorry Mom.” Me: “You were worth every extra day.”  Jakob: “Awww….that’s so….sickening.”

Brittnie: “If I don’t get a drink of water I am seriously going to die.”  Jakob: “Has it been four days?” He remembers the most obscure facts from health class.

Discussing a lesson with Brittnie we came to a question about life insurance. B: “Do you guys have life insurance?”  Me: “Dad has more than I do.  His is worth about $(undisclosed amount).” B: “That would be nice.” short pause  “Oh. Wait.”  Me: “Uh yeah. I’d rather have your father around thanks.”

Jakob came home from his first day of being a crossing guard. Me: “How did it go?” J: “Good, except the wind kept blowing my sign around and I looked like I was dancing in the street.” Me: “Well dancing in the street is a happy thing right?” J: “Mom! This is a serious job!”  Oh sorry.  My mistake!

Jakob and Lyndsie were working in the kitchen making lunches.  I thought I heard the beginning of bickering so I called from the other room, “Hey you two!”  L: “What? We are just talking.” Me: “Are you sure because it sounded like the start of a fight.”  J: “Mom our fighting voices are louder.”  Good point.

I pulled a mostly empty ice cube tray out of the freezer. Me: “Ok the next kid who puts the ice cube tray back in the freezer with 4 ice cubes left in it is going to get my foot up their fanny.” Jakob: “Isn’t that a bit extreme?” Me: “Well it drives me crazy.” J: “Yeah I guessed that.  By the way, can you even kick that high?”  He thinks he’s really smart now that he’s as tall as me.

Sitting at the football game Friday night there were some loud and rather obnoxious kids sitting near us.  Jakob looked at me and said, “If I ever act like that you have my permission to kill me.”

Brittnie had some friends over after the game to celebrate her birthday.  The next morning Lyndsie, “I was being good. I was being quiet. I was being ‘have. I tried really hard not to bother Britti and her friends last night.” B: “You did good Bug. Not too obnoxious at all. Couldn’t even tell you were a freshman.”  I think that’s a compliment.  It’s so hard to tell with sisters sometimes.

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