The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

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Kid Quotes #9

on September 8, 2012

Jakob: “Don’t hit me.” Lyndsie “I’m just getting my homework.” J: “Well your hand was awfully close to my face.” L:”Like I would hit you with Mom standing there.” Me: “You’d better not hit him when Mom isn’t standing there.” J: “She’s never hit me….in the face.” L: “Because hitting you in the face would hurt.” Me: “No hitting anywhere else either.” L: “Fine. I’ll just hit him in my mind.”  Yes, ‘I’m hitting you in my mind’ has become the new phrase this week.

My kids were being obnoxious one afternoon. Me to my husband (jokingly of course): “Could you just kill them for me?” His reply: “We’re not going to kill anyone.” Me: “Why not.” Jakob: “Because we’re precious.”  Yeah.  We’ll go with that.

Got a text from Brittnie while she was waiting for Jakob to finish football practice: “He’s so cute. He just killed this little kid.”  That’s just what a mom wants to hear. Dad’s response: “Good!”  Sigh…..

Brittnie was hard at work at our dining room table. Me: “What are you working on?’ B: “Nomenclature.” From the living room, my husband, “Gesundheit!” Me: “What?” B: “AP Chem. It’s a fancy word for naming chemical compounds.” Me: “Why don’t you just say ‘naming chemical compounds’?” B: “Because using the word ‘nomenclature’ just makes you feel so smart.  You should try it: nomenclature, nomenclature, nomenclature….”  Me: “There is something wrong with you.” My husband from the living room, “Yeah….but it’s gonna pay for college!”

I was so tired one night that I think I actually scared my children. Lyndsie looked at me and said, “Mom why don’t you just go to bed?” Me: “Because it’s 7pm and I’m not that old yet.”  She shot me a funny look. Me: “What?” L: “I’m trying to figure out what to say next that isn’t going to get me killed.”  Smart girl….

Jakob asked Brittnie to help him with his lunch.  She started and he walked out of the kitchen. B: “What do I look like a maid?” Me: “What did you say?” B: “I was talking to Jakob.” Me: “You didn’t really just say that did you? In front of me?” B: “Nope. You’re hearing things.” She catches on quickly.

Lyndsie reported that she didn’t think her science test went as well as it could have. She thought she missed two questions. I was teasing her: “Oh dear!  Do we need to lock you up in your room until you have all 100’s?” She pointed at her sister: “Remember which kid you are talking to? I don’t do perfect grades.”  Um…yeah…obviously. That’s why she was worried about not knowing for sure she got two questions right.

Brittnie and Lyndsie watched a movie. I wouldn’t watch it with them because I haven’t read the book yet. Me: “I have a rule. I want to read the book first so that when I do read the book the movie doesn’t ruin it for me.”  They accepted that. After they movie they came upstairs and Brittnie announced, “I have a new movie rule. The hot guys can’t die! It ruins the whole movie.”  Ah!  That’s why she doesn’t like ‘Titanic’.

Jakob asked this morning where Brittnie was. I was not quite coherent yet so I simply replied, “ACT”  J: “I thought musical practice was during the week.” Me: “It is. She’s taking the A.C.T. test.” J: “She already has a part. Why does she need to take an acting test.” Me: “No. It’s called the A….C….T. It isn’t an acting test.” J: “Well then why do they spell it that way?”  Me: “The letters stand for ‘American College Test’. It’s the test that helps you go to college.” J: “Oh. I hope she flunks!”  He really doesn’t like his older siblings leaving home.

Jakob’s spelling lists the last few weeks have all been homophones. This week on the list was “Fir/Fur”.  J: “What the heck is a fir tree?” I pointed to one in our yard. J: “Isn’t that called an evergreen?” Me: “Yep. Fir is another name for it.” J: “Well that’s just dumb.  Why does it need two names?”  Good question son.  Good question.

I spent my afternoon off doing some baking.  Jakob walked in after school and asked, “What smells good?” Me: “Chocolate chip pumpkin bread.” J: “You are the best mom in the whole world!” Me: “Because I bake bread for you?” J: “Well it helps!”  Have I mentioned he’s honest? Too honest….

The girls came home Friday afternoon and immediately grabbed their blankets to head to the family room for a nap. J: “What is with you two? The first thing you do every Friday is take a nap.” Brittnie: “That’s because God created Friday and Sunday afternoons for naps.”  Girl after my own heart!

I sent Jakob down later. Me: “Would you please go down, wake your sisters and tell them supper is ready.” J: “Okay but I might not come back alive.” Me: “Tell them its pizza. That might help.” J: “I doubt it.  If I’m not back in 5 minutes come save me!”  He came back and reported, “They’re coming but I got growled at.” Me: “Well that isn’t too bad.” J:”Yeah. I stood far enough away they couldn’t reach me.”  Smart boy.


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