The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

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This Week’s Headlines #13

on October 26, 2012

Once again I have to say that I will be most relieved when the election is past and my “trending” box isn’t full of political stuff that I don’t believe anyway.  It isn’t that I don’t care…wait…at this point it IS that I don’t care.  I don’t care to hear any more about it.  So…avoiding the obvious headlines I could make fun of, here is this week’s offering.

  1. “Jobs That Make The World A Worse Place” – Doesn’t everyone’s job make the world seem like a worse place some days?
  2. “Natural Ingredients You Should Avoid” – Dirt? Saliva? Snot?  I can think of a few anyway…..
  3. “Does Any Other Car Drive Like A Porsche?” – IF it does there are some Porsche owners feeling pretty dumb for over spending right now.  Wouldn’t it be funny if a ’74 pinto was on that list?
  4. “Steps To Lower Your Risk Of Getting Sick From Foods” – Cook it? Use it before the expiration date? Just going with stuff off the top of my head here….
  5. “A Glimpse Into Nature’s Secret Moments” – Thanks but I’ll pass.  Some things are secret for a reason.
  6. “Deaths May Be Linked To Monster” – Like Bigfoot? 
  7. “Kim K’s Over The Top Birthday Celebration” – Isn’t everything she does over the top? Yawn….
  8. “High Calorie McDonald’s Foods” – Ummm….all of them?
  9. “Foods You Should Never Eat Before Flying” – Any? That’s the way it works for me anyway.
  10. “World’s Fastest Street Car” – What is the point of this?  There are speed limits.  Is it something about merely knowing you can go that fast if you want to that is attractive to some people?
  11. “World’s Biggest Bra Put Up For Auction” – Guessing the pervs are out in droves for this one.
  12. “Florida Keys Hosts Underwater Pumpkin Carving Contest” – For those college students who feel they need a bigger challenge than underwater basket weaving….
  13. “Is Your Cell Phone Making You Sick?” – Depends on who calls me.
  14. “What Makes A Woman’s ‘Perfect Day’ ” – As annoying as it is to me that we try to lump everyone in the same gender together and simplify their personalities…mine would include coffee, chocolate and quiet.  Just saying.
  15. “Get A Happiness Make-Over” – That’s assuming you have any happiness to start with. 
  16. “Would You Cook With This Yellow Water?” – Chicken Broth?
  17. “Trendy ‘Inhaled’ Dishes” – Are they watching teenage boys eat or are we talking about another thing I have to watch and make sure my kids are abusing?
  18. “Great Places To Stay Under $70  A Night” – Home?
  19. “Mother Arrested For Defending Her QB Son” – Don’t mess with a football mom.
  20. “Dead Man Turns Up At His Own Funeral” – Well that’s awkward.
  21. “Goats Force Football Team To Relocate” – Those are some big goats….
  22. “18 Things Your Feet Say About Your Health” – ‘You need to lose weight’??
  23. “Rolling Stones Big Surprise For Fans” – Please oh please of please let it be that they are retiring.
  24. “Grossest Candy For Halloween” – Yeah because I want  to be known as that lady in the neighborhood.
  25. “Top Earning Dead Celebrities” – Wonder what they do with all  that money?  Pretty nifty trick when you think about it.

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8 responses to “This Week’s Headlines #13

  1. javaj240 says:

    These cracked me up…as always! Right now my feet are saying, “Sit the hell down. What? You think we’re still 25, or something? Twelve hours is way too long for us to run around. Stop working doubles on Fridays, old woman!” Seriously.

  2. So funny! I’m so amazed you have have continued to do this every week and continued to make them hilarious EVERY time!!! Good job!!!

  3. Underwater Pumpkin carving? Seriously, where do they come up with these things. Can I use that one on a future blog? And cooking with yellow water? Ack. That’s why I hate potlucks. I love these!

    • wedelmom says:

      Of course you can use it. I didn’t come up with it so I lay no claims to it. It is kind of brilliant if you think about it – the mess just floats away. Of course with my luck it would float into my hair…

      I hate potlucks too. I’ve seen some of those people’s kitchens….ugh!

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