The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

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This Week’s Headlines #14

on November 1, 2012

I know I just threw a few of you off.  No it isn’t Friday (I wish….man how I wish.) but this week I have a different kind of post for tomorrow so we’ll be perusing headlines today.  Sorry if I just screwed up your blog reading schedule or internal clock.  I didn’t mean to….really.

  1. “How To Get Your Kids To Part With Their Halloween Candy” – You eat it while they are asleep. Duh.
  2. “How To Handle  Scary Dating Moments” –  1: Run  2: Dial 9-1-1  3: Don’t date scary people in the first place….
  3. “Tools You Should Never Purchase” – Bloodstained?
  4. “5 Do’s and Don’ts For Celebrating Halloween In The Office” – DO: bring candy. DON’T: Dress up like your boss….
  5. “Traces Of Cocaine & Marijuana Found in Air of 8 Italian Cities” – That might explain a few things.  And here we just thought they were expressive people….
  6. “Team’s Jerseys Cause Riots” – Team’s fans need to get a life.
  7. “How To Do An Explosive Push-up” – Please….I can’t do anything that resembles a regular push-up. Explosive? Pass….
  8. “How Safe Is Your Money” – It’s never around long enough for me to ask it.
  9. “British Man Sues Telemarketers For Wasting His Time” – Bloody BRILLIANT!
  10. “Why You Have Trouble Falling Asleep” – I’m more interested in why I have trouble waking up.
  11. “Fighter Knocked Out After Begging Opponent For A Punch” – Two words: EPIC FAIL.
  12. “Should You Date A Friend’s Ex?” – Does anyone seriously need to ask this question? Depends. Do you have too many friends and feel like losing one??
  13. “Latest Fitness Gadgets” – Great more things to gather dust and make me feel guilty….
  14. “Disney To Make New Star Wars Films” – I wonder how Darth Vadar is going to look with mouse ears.
  15. “How To Be A Millionaire” – Shoot me the cash.  I’ll figure the rest of it out.
  16. “How Much Caffeine Would It Take To Kill A Person” – Has someone tried this?
  17. “Slight Sleep Deprivation Could Add Extra Pounds” – Forget the gym, take a nap. WOO HOO!!
  18. “Expert Tips For A Zombie Make-over” – For those days when you feel dead? (Yeah…that was lame but I couldn’t resist.)
  19. “How To Prep For A Remodel” – First pack your bags.  Next forward your mail to the hotel.
  20. “Taylor Swift’s Relationship Rules” – If you need to wonder about those you apparently haven’t listened to any of her songs.  First rule: don’t tick her off….DUH!

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2 responses to “This Week’s Headlines #14

  1. haha!! This one really did throw me off because I AM reading it on Friday! I woke up early to catch up on my reading and then I was left wondering what day it was…had to go check the calendar!!! LOL!!! I love #13!!!

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