The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

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Kid Quotes #13

on November 10, 2012

I’m going to start this one off with some nostalgia because my oldest daughter reminded me about it the other day.  About 4 years ago my kids were sitting at the kitchen table while I was finishing up cooking supper.  They had the Disney channel on and this video came on.

Brittnie, my ever practical one who missed the first part of the video, said, “How in the world does someone get squirrels in their pants.”  Jakob, my other practical one who had seen the first part and was a quite innocent age of 6, replied, quite simply, “Nuts.”  Yes…I did think the older kids were going to die but I prevented them from explaining to him why that was so funny.

Brittnie reminded me of that incident because of the following conversation this week.  Lyndsie, age 14, who doesn’t usually enjoy getting hand-me-downs, has been impatiently waiting for her sister to release a sweater that has a really cool matching beanie.  The delay was caused by the loss of said beanie. (Evidently you can’t wear the sweater without it.)  By some miracle the beanie was located this week so Lyndsie was overjoyed.  Brittnie: “I’m warning you that the sweater may not fit around your chest because it’s a girl’s sweater.” I must have shot her a funny look. B: “I mean it’s a little girl’s sweater not a woman’s sweater.”  Me: “Oh – ok. I was trying to figure out why a boy’s sweater would have more room in the chest.”  Lyndsie: “Boy’s pants have more room.” Brittnie and I both shot her a look. L: “I meant through the thighs. Get your minds right people!”

I walked into the room where Jakob was doing homework and Lyndsie was playing chess on the computer. I asked my standard ‘how is the homework going’ question, “Are you winning?”  L: “Are you talking to me?” Me: “No I was asking Jakob about his homework.” J: “I’m winning. She, however, is losing badly.”

Lyndsie, a typical 14-year-old girl, had been a bit argumentative for a few days so I addressed the issue. Me: “Are you about done with this mood?” L: “What do you mean?” Me: “I mean you’ve been arguing with everyone lately.” L: “I have NOT!”  Oh right….my bad.

I walked into the house one day and Jakob, who was sitting with his sister at the table, said, “Mom. Lyndsie thinks you are the best mother in the whole world.”  Immediately suspicious I said, “Uh huh.”  J in a stage whisper: “I don’t think she’s buying it.”

The girls were play-fighting with each other (loudly I might add.) Me: “What is the issue now?” Brittnie started to explain when I interrupted her. Me: “I didn’t actually want to know. I mostly just wanted you to shut up.”  B, pretending to be hurt: “Then why did you ask?”  My husband from our bedroom quoted Bill Cosby: “Parents aren’t interested in justice. They want QUIET!”

Brittnie, who just turned 18 and voted in her first election, noted Wednesday morning, “I can’t believe all the nasty posts on Facebook this morning.  What is wrong with people?” Me: “Well some of them are disappointed and some of them are gloating.  It’s normal. Just ignore it.” B: “So after ‘Decision Tuesday’ comes ‘Whiner Wednesday’?”  She’s pretty astute for an 18-year-old.

Lyndsie was telling us about some “drama” that occurred between two friends at school.  Suddenly Jakob said “And this has what to do with you??”  Some days one of my kids says what I’m thinking. It’s kind of scary.

The girls were singing, loudly and off-key, in the back seat of the car to their Glee CD.  After a while I hit the button to switch it to the radio hoping to quiet them down.  After a moment “Thank you!!!” was heard from the backseat.  Me: “You weren’t enjoying your front row seat for the show Jakob?”  J: “Not really but that’s what happens when you have sisters.”

Jakob was not in the mood for homework so he was finding a hundred other things to do. Me: “Quit messing around and get your homework done.”  J: “How do you know everything?” Me: “I’m a mom and I’ve seen most of this before.” J: “Some days it really stinks being the youngest.”

I was posting some things for sale on a local exchange board on Facebook. (Kind of like an on-line garage sale) Brittnie: “You can’t sell kids on there can you?”  Me: “Keep it up kid, I might try it.”  Later as I was responding to people buying my merchandise she walked through, “Geez Mom. You haven’t sold my bed yet have you?”  She really needs to quit giving me ideas.


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