The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

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This Week’s Headlines #16

on November 16, 2012

 

While searching for headlines this week I ran across this photo:

Apparently this woman’s parents  should have gotten her a Ragedy Ann instead of Barbies.  Anyone else totally creeped out by this?

On to non-plastic looking news:

  1. “12 Things Not To Buy During The Holidays” – Fruitcake springs to mind.
  2. “Storm Of The Century Again” – Huh?
  3. “Flat Abs, No Crunches” – I’ve had dreams like this….
  4. “Quarterback Won’t Blame High Profile Girlfriend” – Because he would like her to remain his girlfriend I’m assuming.
  5. “8,000 Year Old Murder Mystery” – Talk about a cold case.
  6. “Brave Women Skydive In Lingere” – Brave?  Try ‘exhibitionist’.
  7. “The Search Is Over For The Perfect Boxer Brief” – I didn’t know we were searching.  Does this have anything to do with headline #6?
  8. “Awesome Tools You Will Probably Never Need” – Stupid article you probably don’t need to read.
  9. “Thanksgiving Safety Tips For You Pet” – Unless you have a pet turkey I didn’t know Thanksgiving was all that dangerous.
  10. “Half Of Moms Lie About Their Parenting” – The other half lie about their kids.
  11. “61 Year Old Gives Birth” – WHY??? I’ve had nightmares like that….
  12. “Secrets To Finding Love” – Start with ‘stop acting like it’s a game of hide and seek’.
  13. “Make Your Own Twix Bar” – Why would I do that? They really aren’t that expensive.
  14. “Auto Insurance Myths” – How about: ‘We’ll pay for all the damage’ or ‘Our customers come first’?
  15. “First Date Tips Men Think Women Should Know” – #1. This does not mean we are engaged. #2. This does not mean you own me. #3. Incessant texting makes me think you are a stalker….
  16. “Coffee Beans Headed For Extinction” – Say it isn’t so!!! We need to stop this travesty.  Who can I call??
  17. “How To Get Rid Of Your Pain All Day Long” – Send them to school.
  18. “Will Fat Blocking Pepsi Really Work?” – There’s an oxymoron….. Who came up with this??
  19. “Pregnant Woman Gets Married In The Hospital” – Procrastination is the mother of invention.  In this case it invented the bed sheet wedding gown.
  20. “Facebook: Are Users Who They Say They Are?” – Ummmm……DUH!
  21. “What Is The Failure Club?” – I wonder how they recruit people? What’s the draw? ‘Join us and no one will ever expect a thing from you again you big loser’?  Yeah…I like that slogan.

And as a public service reminder that wording is everything….

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7 responses to “This Week’s Headlines #16

  1. I have been so busy lately, not only have I not watched any news I am also 3 days behind on reading blogs! This is the only news I’ve heard in awhile and I really think it’s all I need to know!!! Now that I know that the search is over for the perfect boxer brief I can sleep well at night now!

    • wedelmom says:

      I too am soooo far behind! When did life get so busy? Yes – since discovering that great mystery has been solved I know I have slept much better myself. Hope you get a breather!

  2. Holy crap! Fat-blocking Pepsi? Surely, that would change life as we know it!
    Because you regularly make me laugh until I pee, I have nominated you for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award! You rock! Here’s the link: http://theembiggensproject.wordpress.com/2012/11/19/embiggening-and-inspiring-who-knew/

    • wedelmom says:

      The words “fat-blocking” make me nervous on levels I don’t even want to explore. That blocked fat has to go somewhere…. shudder….
      Laugh until you pee? I’ll take that compliment! Thanks for the nomination my friend. You also rock!

      • haha…Yes, I suppose you’re right. The fat would have to go somewhere. Maybe it could go to my head. You never hear anyone say, “she’d be hot if she didn’t have such a fat head.” And I’ve been told I have a lot of empty space up there.

      • wedelmom says:

        And now you have made me laugh until I almost peed. If you think about it….”Fat Heads” are quite popular…and expensive.

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