The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

A topnotch WordPress.com site

This Week’s Headlines #18

on November 30, 2012

newspaper2

If you could weed through all the articles about powerball this week the other big trending item was Kate Middleton’s new bangs.  Really? We’re concerned about winning big and someone else’s hair?  We need to get a life.

  1. “Oprah’s Marriage Advise” – Obviously it’s ‘don’t do it’.  No offense to Ms. Winfrey but how does one give advise on something one has not done?  Oh….wait….we all do that.  The rest of us just don’t make millions doing it.
  2. “No Cost Dates” – I’m hoping there is a note in this article that this is a bad idea for the first one.  Unless you don’t want a second one.
  3. “5 Signs You Are Too Close To Your Dog” – Drool on your leg?  Doggie breath in your face?
  4. “DIY Blunders That Could Ruin Your Home” – As opposed to professional blunders.  I’m sure those add value.
  5. “What The New Superman Won’t Be Wearing” – Ummmm – T.M.I.??
  6. “Where U.S. Stashes Millions Of Barrels Of Oil” – Wait, we have some stashed? We aren’t busting that out because??
  7. “Teen Sentenced To Church” – I know some churches like that….
  8. “Signs Of Vision Loss” – Huh?  If you can read the article I’m guessing you are probably okay.
  9. “Most Useless College Majors” – Got to be a BA in Communication.  You couldn’t talk before college?
  10. “Ten Things Never To Say At The Office” – #1 – I have a bomb in my drawer and I’m not afraid to use it. #2 – Are you really that stupid?  #3 – I thought the food in the fridge was for everyone…..
  11. “$600 Car Issued $100,000 In Parking Tickets” – Is that because they couldn’t move it??
  12. “Push-up Mistakes Nearly Everyone Makes” – Trying to do one?
  13. “How To Botch An Interview” – I can do that without any help thanks.
  14. “Fast Food Items With A Cult Following” – The Holy Order of the McRib?
  15. “Missing Moon Rocks Found In MN Storage Site” – ‘Now where did I stick those moon rocks??’
  16. “Alligators Guard Pot Farm” – Where does one purchase a guard alligator??  That is brilliant really.
  17. “Ohio’s ‘Cleaning Fairy’ Gets Probation” – There’s a cleaning fairy?? I’m moving to Ohio!
  18. “Avoid Common Gym Injuries” – don’t go….
  19. “Is Your Fridge Making You Fat?” – Ummm….I’m guessing the stuff in it might be.
  20. “Best Decade To Date” – Just a thought, but if you’ve been dating someone for a decade that might indicate that the relationship is not going any further.

And from the “huh?!?” category:

headline3

Advertisements

9 responses to “This Week’s Headlines #18

  1. javaj240 says:

    There’s a “cleaning fairy”? I really ought to read the paper more!

    Great stuff, as usual!

  2. Hehe…teen sentenced to church? Yup, I know some ministers that could rent themselves out as a sedative.
    And I always thought there was something suspicious about my fridge. Shifty thing. It’s been stuffing twinkies down my throat while I sleep.
    As usual, you kill me!! =)

    • wedelmom says:

      Please – I know some ministers who could rent themselves out as wardens.
      It’s always the unassuming appliances. I mean everyone knows the deep fat fryer and blender make you fat, but the fridge?? My cupboards are starting to make me paranoid too. I think they are in on the fat conspiracy……

  3. #15 and #16 are awesome!! And that article is really, really sad!! LOL!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: