The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

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This Week’s Headlines #19

on December 7, 2012

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In case you have been in a coma this week you might want to know that there is a fiscal cliff coming.  I know because every news outlet on the planet is beating it to death  reporting about it.  Seriously. Every one of them. While you were unable to see communication from the outside world you may have also missed that the Duchess of Cambridge is pregnant. If you are interested there are about a zillion articles speculating what she will wear, what the child will be named and look like…..  Yeah.  We are an obsessive people aren’t we?

It took some cliff scaling and negotiating through royal morning sickness but here are my favorite headlines from this week:

  1.  “Little Secrets From Top Physicians” – That Kleenex really doesn’t cost them $20.
  2. “Slow Start For Windows 8” – Well no wonder it isn’t selling.
  3. “Baby Girl Named Hashtag” – Some people should not be allowed to be parents.
  4. “How Treadmills Mislead You” – Mislead you?  You didn’t really think you were going to get anywhere did you?
  5. “The Pope Has Not Banned Christmas” – Good to know.  Wait!  The pope can ban Christmas? Why would he do that?  Isn’t that like a really big day for him?
  6. “Mustache Transplant Trend” – From wife to husband?
  7. “Secretly Healthy Cookies” – Now you know they aren’t any good.  Why do we keep trying to make unhealthy things healthy? They aren’t ‘just as good” – ever!
  8. “What Your Cable Company Won’t Tell You” – ‘Yes.  We are overcharging you.’
  9. “Restaurant’s Location May Gross You Out” – Who was their location scout? Did you pay him??
  10. “Meals For Your Inner Child” – Sorry but my outer adult doesn’t need the calories.
  11. “Is Murder Contagious?” – Oh my word! Seriously??  ‘I can’t come to work today I’m feeling a little murderous and I don’t want anyone else to catch it.’  Vaccine makers are going to love this!
  12. “What The Royal Baby Won’t Be Named” – Hashtag.
  13. “What Is The Longest Road In The U.S.? ” – The one you are on when you have to pee.
  14. “Five Worst Holiday Spending Mistakes” – Any stuffed item that dances and sings a Christmas song.  They aren’t cute. Nobody wants them.  Leave them on the shelf!
  15. “Warren Buffet’s Habits” – Making money?
  16. “Ten Things You Should Never Do When Leaving A Job” – #1: Open fire…..
  17. “Doctor’s Discover Fluid Leaking From Woman’s Nose Was From Her Brain” – Anyone else scared to blow their nose now??
  18. “Make A Truce With Food” – I’ve already all out surrendered thanks.
  19. “Why Americans Need To Have More Babies” – Don’t look at me – I’ve done my part.
  20. “Snooki’s Baby Advice For Kate Middleton” – I know that she thinks she is a princess but is she serious?  Is she offering maternity fashion advice too because we all saw how well that went.   Wow.  That’s all I got….wow!

Try to read this without getting lost at least once:

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11 responses to “This Week’s Headlines #19

  1. My mother in law bought my kids a squirrel that sings “I’m Gettin Nuttin for Christmas” (I’m sure you would love it seeing as you like squirrels so much!) Anyway, I’ve heard it so many times that I think I have a case of #11

  2. FUNNY stuff! I needed a good laugh today. You had me rolling with #18 and #20. As for Snookie and baby advice for Kate Middleton, that’s just wrong. Scarey canary. Yikes!

    • wedelmom says:

      Thank you. Glad I could spread some laughter today.
      You know there are so many similarities between “Jersey Shore” and Buckingham Palace it’s scary. I’m sure Snook will be a great big help!

  3. momshieb says:

    Me too! Just laughed. Out loud. Snorted just a tiny bit of wine through my nasal passages. Thanks!!

  4. Love #3, 5, and 13. Your comments are hilarious. Really? the pope can cancel Christmas? 🙂 Ahh, too funny. Just discovered your blog. Love your lightheartedness. Looking forward to reading more. Cheers!

    • wedelmom says:

      Thank you! And thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment. I’ll be popping by to visit yours. I used to think having twins would be the coolest thing in the world. Then I had my kids and figured out I could barely handle one at a time! 😉

  5. javaj240 says:

    LOL….I loved them all….especially the nose blowing and hashtag-related ones!

    • wedelmom says:

      I’ve often felt like my brain was leaking out but…wow! That’s kind of scary. The more I think about it I’m wondering if the woman in that article is the one in the Hashtag article also……

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