The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

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This Week’s Headlines – #20

on December 14, 2012

newspaper

Wow!  This is headline post number 20? To think I have been annoying  fascinating everyone with my take on trending news every Friday for almost five months is really quite scary impressive.  Actually those of you who put up with me are impressive.  It isn’t everyone who can put up with my twisted angle for that long.  Therefore I present you all with the FABULOUS FOLLOWERS award:

award

Don’t worry. I’m not going to make you do anything to accept it.   I just want you to know that you are appreciated. And hey – everyone needs to be given a shiny gold man statue at least once in their lives. Thank you for not un-following me in month one! (Besides that there were all sorts of award nominations this week and I’m in an award kind of mood.)

On to the news:

  1. “What Your Taxes Will Be” – Too high.
  2. “Most Common Passwords” – Well they will be now….
  3. “Frappuccino Makers Slams Starbucks” – Talk about biting the hand that feeds you.
  4. “Performance Leaves Swift Embarrassed” – It’s about time.
  5. “Frightened Burglar Calls 911 On Homeowner” – Perhaps he should look into a different ‘profession’.  Just a thought.
  6. “Pizza Hut Creates A Limited Edition Perfume” – Eau de Pepperoni?  Perfect.  If you are trying to attract a couch potato.
  7. “Prisoner Gets Stuck Trying To Break Out Of Jail” – Probably should have spent a little more time in the exercise room first.  You’d think all that digging would slim you down.
  8. “Customers Called ‘Fat’ On Restaurant Bill” – A little rude but better than ‘ugly’ or ‘annoying’.
  9. “Police Can’t Identify Man Who Fell From The Sky” – I wonder why….
  10. “Washington State Bar Owner Tells Pot Smokers To Light Up” – Must have just started a new appetizer menu.
  11. “Loaded Pistol Found In Package Of Frozen Meat” – The ‘experts’ are right.  What is in our food should scare us.
  12. “You’re Too Old To Wear That” – Seems to me this would serve better as a large sign to flash at people rather than a news headline.  You know the ones who need to aren’t going to read it.
  13. “Burglary Suspect Escapes In Police Car” – They put a thief in a car with the keys in it??  EPIC FAIL!
  14. “How To Avoid Getting Sick” – Don’t breathe?  Wait….
  15. “Love’s Uncertain Future” – I know this is about a basketball player but does this sound like the title to a really bad romance novel to anyone else?
  16. “Coffee From Elephant Dung” – Did the elephant eat some coffee beans or is this some new scientific discovery in mutating objects?  Either way – count me out!
  17. “Casket Offers Unusual Perk” – Because the person in it is so interested in perks?  Are they serious? What possible perk can a casket have?  Air conditioning?
  18. “Is This Two-wheeler The Car Of The Future?” – Ummm….pretty sure it’s the motorcycle of the present.
  19. “From Last In Her Class To TV Star” – That sounds about right. Particularly if she’s a ‘reality’ tv star.
  20. “Woman Stunned With Taser Over iPhone” – There really is an app for everything!

And in honor of “premiere mania” sweeping the land last night/this morning:

  •  “What You Need To Know About ‘The Hobbit’ ” – Here’s a thought: try reading the book.  Then you’ll know        everything ever written about it.

Some days are obviously slow news days…..

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3 responses to “This Week’s Headlines – #20

  1. Love the shiny statue guy! Also, thanks for the update. I didn’t know that someone was going to attempt making coffee out of elephant dung. That would be one huge mound of ground!

  2. Valerie says:

    Haha, those headlines are great (well…crazy, but fun!) And thanks for the award. 😉

  3. It really is truly amazing that you have delivered us with the top headlines for 5 months! That shows true reliability!! I look forward to them every week!! I love #11 and #20!!

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