The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

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This Week’s Headlines #21

on December 21, 2012

newspaper

To be honest I debated with myself for quite a while about posting my usual twist on news this week.  (Isn’t there some saying about talking to yourself being  okay as long as you don’t get into an argument?  Is a debate the same thing? Hmmmmm…..)  In light of the tragic headlines that have dominated the past week I wasn’t sure that my usual lighthearted mockery of news was appropriate.  Then I remembered my post for earlier this week and decided to go ahead. If you are offended by my posting of this I am truly sorry.  I mean no disrespect to anyone.  I just thought a smile midst the heavy news might not be a bad thing right now.

  1. “Funeral Home Reality Show Comes To Life” – Okay, first of all is there just something wrong with that sentence?  Second of all: a funeral home reality show???  EW!  Where does the madness end????
  2. “Man, 94, Uses Funeral Funds To Run For Office” – Well if it works out for him he’ll get a state funeral anyway.
  3. ” ‘Hunger Games’ Re-enacted In Gingerbread” – Some people have way too much time on their hands.
  4. “Why This Tequila Costs $90 A Shot” – I’m going to go with: Because someone is stupid enough to pay that much for it. (At that price the bottle should come with someone to drive you home, tuck you into bed and lay out a hangover cure for the morning for you.  Just saying…)
  5. “Lame Presents To Avoid” – People really need these lists?  Oh….wait….yes they do.  Never mind.
  6. “How Pepsi’s CEO Relaxes” – I’m going to guess that it isn’t with a Dr. Pepper.
  7. “Mind Controlled Robotic Arm Gets Closer Than Ever To Human Limb” – As long as they get it hooked to the right mind.  With my luck I’d get hooked to someone who doesn’t like me and end up slapping myself all day. Or you know….be taken over by aliens….
  8. “Worst Holiday Styles You Can Wear” – Someone under 70 needs to be told not to buy those Christmas sweaters?  Really?
  9. “Number 1 Reason You May Be Single” – Because you aren’t with anyone? Just a guess.
  10. “Bad Cold Weather Dates” – #1 – Scuba Diving…..
  11. “Airline With The Rudest Flight Attendants” – Like it matters if they are the only one with a flight to where you need to go?
  12. “How Not To Drive On Ice” – Ummm….fast?
  13. “A Remodel Mistake You Really Want To Avoid” – Not calling a contractor.
  14. “Woman Dies After Receiving Transplant Of Smoker’s Lungs” – Don’t they screen these people?!?
  15. “NASA Names Moon Crash Site In Honor Of Sally Ride” – Is that a ‘women drivers’ joke?
  16. “Escaped Prisoners Seen Fleeing In A Cab” – Wonder how they paid that fare? Did they cash out their jail accounts first?  If so should that have been a clue to what they were plotting??
  17. “Gift Ideas For Picky People” – Ummm….gift card?
  18. “Flirting Rules After 50” – You only need one rule: DON’T!
  19. “Doomsday ‘Preppers’ Prepare For Mayan Doomsday” – Bet they are feeling a bit sheepish now.  Oh the bright side  they don’t have to buy toilet paper or canned beans for a while.
  20. “Gifts She Doesn’t Want From Him” – Unless it has been specifically requested, if it plugs in and can be purchased in the housewares department…..

And in case you didn’t know….this just in:

headline10

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9 responses to “This Week’s Headlines #21

  1. How not to drive on ice? Um…stay home. Holy crap! Imagine getting a nicotine fiend’s lungs? What the heck? That just sucks. Like a liver from an alcoholic. Your headline picks always make me thankful that I was never dropped on my head as a child…it would appear that many people were! Merry Christmas my dear blogger buddy!!

  2. Valerie says:

    Wow, people are nuts! I especially like the poison control headline. Tequila for $90? Yes, because some dumby will pay it. That is like on Antiques Roadshow, I’m like, Wait – WHO would pay $125,00 for that old toy?! Not me! Even if I had that much extra lyin’ around!!

  3. The Pepsi CEO commentary had me giggling. I am a die hard Coke fan and I know Mr. Big Shot wouldn’t be caught within two feet of a Coke or Dr. Pepper can. I’m glad you decided to stick to your regular posting schedule. I look forward to reading these updates every week. Also, I wanted to let you know that I cited your article, “We Cannot Let It Win.” The link was featured in my post from last Thursday.

  4. There were a lot of crazy ones in there. Yes, it’s good to laugh. I think we all need that. That’s terrible about the smoker’s lung…screening anyone? I like #15, too! I wish you a wonderful Christmas and Happy Holidays!!

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