The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

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This Week’s Headlines #23

on January 4, 2013

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In case you have been cut off from all media outlets this week: there was a cliff.  We were going over it until a last-minute meeting of great minds fixed it. Kind of.  Maybe.  Or not really. I’m still really not sure but if you are interested there must be about 300 million articles published on the subject.  I’m not sure that the people who wrote those articles really know what’s going on either but they sound intelligent.   More intelligent than some of the headlines I found this week….

  1. “Eight Signs You Might Be A Control Freak” – That urge to go behind everyone and ‘fix it’?  How about following your children everywhere and telling them what to do every moment?  Resorting the laundry after your husband did it? Wait….that was me this week…..never mind.
  2. “NFL Player Goes Berserk After Ejection” – I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that might be what got him ejected in the first place.
  3. “Where Renters Are Feeling The Most Pain – Pocketbook?
  4. “Why The Beatles Split” – Does it really matter now?  They did.  Many many years ago.  Let it go Yoko.
  5. “Turn A Pack Of Ramen Noodles Into A Healthy Snack” – Are they serious?  I’m thinking you are going to have to get rid of that salt flavoring pack first.
  6. “Ingredient May Be Making You Fat” – Ya think? Really?  The stuff I eat is making me fat?!?  Thanks for the revelation.  I thought it was my refrigerator….
  7. “How Stress Affects You” – They can’t be insinuating I have bags under my eyes and lines on my face can they??
  8. “Worst Fashion Trends” – I’m going to go with ‘most of them.’
  9. “The Earth Is The Closest To The Sun Today” – Funny that it was 10 degrees when I read that. I must live on the wrong side of the earth.
  10. “Man Pleads Guilty In Dinosaur Dispute” – Those custody battles are always so ugly.
  11. “10 Driving Rules All Teens Should Observe” – #1 – It is acceptable to apply the break before you get to the stoplight.  #2 – Blinkers are your friend. #3 – If your subwoofers are rattling my windows there is no way you are paying attention to driving. #4 – High School parking lots are not demolition derbies in disguise…..
  12. “Cozy Home Essentials To Help You Beat Cold Weather” – Ummm…..blankets?
  13. ” ‘Air Cookies’ Low In Fat And Guilt” – Air Cookies? You mean the ones my daughter used to serve me at her tea parties? True….no fat in those.
  14. “Missing Bike Swallowed By Tree” – Yet another reason to get creeped out in the woods.  Thanks.
  15. “Taxes And Happiness” – Don’t belong in the same sentence?
  16. “Fitness Program That Can Really Hurt You” – All of them? The phrase ‘feel the burn’ didn’t come from nowhere you know.
  17. “Biggest Cold Weather Health Risks” – Freezing to death?
  18. “Newest Sport: Snow Swimming” – Please tell me no one is wearing a Speedo…..
  19. “CA Man With Girlfriend’s Corpse Convicted Of Murder” – Bet that was a tough case to prove.
  20. “Robber Calls Mom For A Ride Home” – Talk about helicopter parenting.  She must be so proud….

Speaking of making your parents proud……

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7 responses to “This Week’s Headlines #23

  1. Valerie says:

    LOL, I’d love to read the “Cozy home essentials” one because, apparently, there are some secret things available to keep us warmer…and I want to know what they are! 😉

  2. wedelmom says:

    Gotta be heated toilet seats…. 😉

  3. Again…cracking up through this whole thing!!!

  4. the last one is priceless 🙂

  5. Air cookies? As in “air guitar?” Not only are they low in fat, they’re exceptionally low in taste. Trees that swallow bikes? Where on earth do you find these things? lol. LOVE it!

    • wedelmom says:

      Air cookies would cause you to use your imagination now wouldn’t they? “Oh – these taste FABULOUS!” Mind over matter right? NOT!
      Yahoo News Home page. Honestly. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.

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