The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

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This Week’s Headlines #27

on February 1, 2013

newspaper

You know how sometimes something happens in your community or state and you just suddenly feel a burst of pride because you are a resident in such a wonderful place?  I have decided this week that I may live in the funniest state in the union.  Not funny as in full of comedians.  Not funny as in unique. Funny as in “That really happened?”  While perusing for headlines this week I found a couple that hit pretty close to home. Of course I had to check them out.  Now I’m compelled to share them with you.

The first is news from our state capital, Lincoln, where apparently the police received a call that someone’s home had been broken into at gunpoint.  The items stolen? Hookah pipes.  Upon arriving to take the report the police noticed drug paraphernalia around and a light shining from underneath a padlocked door.  They proceeded to get a warrant and arrest the residents of the apartment for their marijuana growing operation.  I guess this just proves that taking drugs doesn’t necessarily make you smart.   I can only hope these people were not students at The University of Nebraska at Lincoln (home of the Huskers) which promotes that it is educating the future leaders of our state.  If they are I might need to move (again) in a few years.  Suddenly it feels like the I.Q. of the entire state dropped 10 points.

The second item comes from Omaha, our biggest city and, in their minds, the only place in our state that is important. (It is the only place with good shopping….but I’m digressing.)  Apparently one evening this week the downtown area went dark and fire began bursting up from the sewers blowing manhole covers off. (See a photo here.)  This immediately made me wonder: had Armageddon begun and since Omaha is so important (in their minds) it began there or did a Mexican restaurant in the Old Market District of the city simply have an all you can eat buffet?

On to news from beyond my now-famous state’s borders:

  1. “Ten Biggest Gas Guzzlers You Can Buy” – Can and should have always been two different things. Why would you want to anyway?
  2. “Florida Man Killed After Dog Steps On Gas Pedal” – That’ll teach you to come out of the store with cheap dog food.
  3. “Eight Things You Should Never Say To Your Kids” – #1 – ‘Ask Mom’ ……
  4. “How To Cook Kabocha” – Why would I cook something I can’t spell?  Or pronounce.
  5. “Are You Desperate?” –  Kind of depends on the day and how much coffee I’ve had.
  6. “Welcome To The Coldest Town On Earth” – Now there’s something you want to see on the sign as you are driving into town.
  7. “Stench Wafts Over Britain” – Now that just isn’t nice.  They may be a little stuffy but they aren’t that bad.
  8. ” ‘Trashy’ Look To Avoid At All Costs” – Wait….it costs money to look trashy? I wouldn’t have guessed that.
  9. “Staying Warm And Cute” – Unless you are a fluffy bear cub who is hibernating it isn’t going to happen.
  10. “Why 80’s Rocker Staying In Hiding” – I totally understand.  I’m not proud of pictures of my hair from that era either.
  11. “Swift Wants To Be Alone” – That is a great idea but whatever will she sing about?
  12. “A Kennedy Opens Up About Addiction” – Because he thought it was some big secret? Really?  Maybe he ought to go to therapy for denial next.
  13. “Billions In Unclaimed Cash: Is Some Yours” – Has to be don’t you think?
  14. “Build The Body Of A Hero” – Out of clay or sand or ….????
  15. “You’ll Never Guess What Is In This Ice Cream” – For the love of everything holy can’t they just leave us in the dark about some things?  Do they have to ruin all fun food by grossing me out?
  16. “Facts About Dry Skin” – It itches.  What more do you need to know?
  17. “Former NFL Star Moonlights As A Zombie” – Great – another concussion story.
  18. “Artist’s Twinkie Obsession” – Do you suppose he eats twinkies while creating art or creates art out of twinkies?  I choose option B personally.
  19. “Apes Get iPads” – Figures. Do you suppose they Face Time with other zoos?
  20. “Why Your Boss Might Be  A Psychopath” – It couldn’t be because of his employees could it?

Since I opened today along this line I might as well go full circle. Happy Friday All!!

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3 responses to “This Week’s Headlines #27

  1. Your intro stories were hilarious and the picture of the manhole covers was crazy! I cracked up at #2, #10, #12 and #15!!! I don’t care if moving day falls on a Friday..you have to keep doing these!!!

    • wedelmom says:

      Glad you liked the stories. I couldn’t resist sharing. I guess the real live event in Omaha was really something to see.
      No fears – moving day is on a Saturday – I need some “normal” during chaos – right? 😉

  2. Imagine getting bumped off by your big-footed dog? So much for man’s best friend. That is too bizarre! When your number’s up, it’s really up! And, oh no! Not Twinkies!!

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