The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

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This Week’s Headlines #32

on March 8, 2013

newspaper

This is a special news bulletin: today’s post is not “live” so today’s headlines are sort of old news.  I’m trusting auto-publish to take care of my weekly news post while I finish last minute packing, loading and, most likely,  having a nervous break down.  Forgive the lack of “freshness” today….hopefully I’ll be back with new stuff next week.  Providing I can remember which box the computer went into.  Happy Weekend All!

  1. ” ‘In America You Have The Right To Be Stupid’ ” – Obviously…but do we need to be so proud of that?
  2. “Mistakes Parents Make When Feeding Kids” – They really do know that you are hiding those green beans in their sandwich.
  3. “17 Top-Secret Corporate Labs” – I guess they aren’t so top secret any more.
  4. “What Will The Pope Wear In Retirement?” – Whatever he wants?  I image a robe and slippers for a few days…oh…wait….
  5. “Food Stamps…For Pets?” – Well why not?  Pets are people too. Or something like that.
  6. “Missed Diagnoses Common In The Doctor’s Office” – They are also common in the Monday morning ladies Bible study.  Or my mother’s house.  Or….
  7. “Famous Song Lyrics We Always Get Wrong” – Louie Louie?  Yeah…have to post it:
  8. “Study: Having Boys Shaves Months Off Your Life” –  Well DUH!  You could have paid me and I would have told you that.
  9. “Heroic Man Builds Oreo Separator Machine” – Heroic?  Because it is so difficult to get those suckers twisted apart I guess.
  10. “Dog Shoots Owner In The Leg” – Must have been a guard dog….
  11. “TV Show Host Faints While Teaching Importance Of Oxygen” – There is nothing like a good object lesson to drive home a point.
  12. “Man Arrested After Calling 911 Nine Times To Order A Cheeseburger” – I guess he was having a Mac-attack.
  13. “Why Cable TV Has So Many Useless Channels” – Useless?  I don’t know about you but I find the Brazilian Butt Lift channel very useful.
  14. “How To Pay Zero Federal Income Taxes” – Don’t file?  Works until they catch you anyway.
  15. “Audrey Hepburn Resurrected For A New Commercial” – Okay Oil of Olay, I don’t care how good you think your product is there are just some people it isn’t going to help.
  16. “Why Your Video Isn’t Going Viral” – Because nobody else really cares how amazing you think your kids are?
  17. “Poem’s Clues Lead To Buried Treasure” – Didn’t they make this into a movie?  Wait. That was ancient native american tablets hidden in a couple desks.  Never mind.
  18. “Players Strange Tattoo Injury” – Wait.  He got injured from the tattoo, because of the tattoo or while getting the tattoo?
  19. “Controversial Ingredient May Be Added To Milk” – Well the world MAY also end tomorrow but I don’t see us trying to get people to panic over that.
  20. “With No Pope Catholic Church Leaderless For Now” – I’m so glad they explained that.  I was confused.

And while we are in the category of “News Articles That Really Shouldn’t Need To Be Written”:

photo credit: funmeme.com

photo credit: funmeme.com

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2 responses to “This Week’s Headlines #32

  1. Valerie says:

    Good morning! I have nominated you for the Beautiful Mama Blog Award! 🙂 To find out more, please see:
    http://atlantamomofthree.wordpress.com/2013/03/11/beautiful-mama-blog-award-part-3/

  2. I love the idea of food stamps for pets. Rover needs to eat. I always got the lyrics to We are the Champions wrong when I was a kid…curtain call and pleasure cruise were foreign terms to me, so I just kind of mumbled my way through. I want to know the answer about the tattoo…was his tattoo injured?

    Funny, as always. I’ll have to go back and catch up on my blog reading…and I started with your blog.

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