The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

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My Grandmother’s Legacy

I spent the weekend working in the yard and thinking about my grandmother.  It seems I think about my grandmother a lot lately.  I guess that is inevitable considering that we are living in her old house.  I think about her as I cook in the kitchen where she spent hours cooking, baking and canning.  I think about her when I look out the window and see the bird feeder she hung.  I walk into the living room and I see the spot where her piano used to sit.  I can see her sitting in her rocker in front of the window doing “fancy work” every evening.  As I said, I think about her a lot, but none more than as I was working in her flower gardens this weekend.  She loved those flowers and spent hours tending them.  The daffodils coming up in the front of the house.  The rose bush by the old wagon wheel.  The lilac bush outside my bedroom window.  I see touches of her everywhere which makes me think of her more.  The more I think about her the more I talk about her.  My children have heard more stories about their great-grandmother in the last six weeks than they have probably heard in their lives.  It helps that their grandparents are right here to help supply some stories too.  Some of them I didn’t even know.  The more we talk the more amazed I am at the lady she was.

My grandmother was the oldest of ten children.  There were actually thirteen (two sets of twins) but only ten lived past infancy.  When my grandma was 14 her mother gave birth to her youngest brother and never really regained her strength.  My grandma had to quit school in order to stay home and help her mom.  Two years later her mother passed away and at the tender age of sixteen my grandmother was left to manage the home.  A farm home.  With eight younger brothers and a little sister who wished she was a boy. No electricity or indoor plumbing and not much money.  She made and mended their clothes and then she washed them by hand.  She baked loaf after loaf of bread and cooked on a cook stove only to have her brothers come in and devour it in one swoop.  She loved her younger siblings and gave up all the “fun” stuff she should have been doing to take care of them.  For ten years until she was well to the age where people considered her an old maid.  Then she fell in love with my grandfather.  Her father forbid her from getting married (presumably because he didn’t want to lose his housekeeper) so, with the help of her aunt, my grandparents eloped.  Her father remarried shortly after that.

Of course getting married didn’t mean my grandma’s life got any easier. She married a farmer during the depression.   She made all their clothes, mended them and washed them by hand.  She cooked on cook stove. She raised chickens and geese.  She helped on the farm.  She gardened and preserved everything she could find. She worked hard and then worked some more.  They didn’t have electricity until my dad was in grade school.  Indoor plumbing didn’t come until they replaced the old farm-house with this house – in 1967.  (My brother was a baby then.)  This house that would now be considered small and too plain felt like a mansion to my grandmother when they moved in.  even though this house did make her daily chores a little easier she still worked hard.  Every day.  That is just the way she was.

She lost her cousin in World War 1 when his plane hit a mountain.  She worried as her two youngest brothers also fought in that war. She lost her younger son to a tragic drowning when he was only 21. Over the following years she lost more brothers to heart issues.  Each of those events took a piece of her heart but she continued on. She never looked back or dwelled on it.   I’ve only recently heard some of the details about these things from my parents. I can’t remember my grandmother ever talking about them much. That was also the way she was.

She was also my grandma.  The lady who would light up when her grandchildren walked into her house.  She always had a cookie and a hug.  She taught us all to play the piano.  She taught me to play the trumpet.  She helped with our various 4-H cooking and sewing projects.  She taught us to garden.  She fed us and took care of us on the few evenings when my mother had to work. She recorded our concerts on her old-fashioned tape recorder so she could listen to them again.  She clipped out every newspaper article in which we appeared.  She loved us with her whole heart and “grandmothered” us like no one else could.  That was just the way she was.

My grandmother passed away in 1994 just four days after our oldest daughter was born.  She hadn’t been feeling well for a while but she still managed, with the help of my mom, to can all the pears on her tree that year. (The tree I look at out the dining room window now.)  Even though she wasn’t feeling well she sent my dad out to see me and meet his new granddaughter. She sent my favorite homemade sticky buns, a can of her pears that my son loved and a pink handmade baby quilt.  I talked to her that day and she told me she’d felt well enough to putter in her flowers a little that day.  She expressed her delight over her new redheaded great-granddaughter (She loved red heads.  She did marry one after all!) and told me how much she loved me.  That night while she was getting ready for bed she fell to the floor from a massive heart attack.  As shocking and hard as that was at the time I’ve often thought in later years that it really was a blessing that she went so fast in the home she loved after spending the day doing things she enjoyed. She’d have chosen that if she’d have been given a choice.  That’s just the way she was.

The more we’ve talked about her the more I have realized what an incredibly amazing lady she was.  Her work ethic.  Her quiet strength.  Her fierce love.  Those were her legacies to us. I can only hope to grow up and be half the person she was.



This Week’s Headlines – #36


Ahhh…finally Friday my friends.  Warm weather weekend headed our way here in Nebraska – now that is news!  I’m quite sure the size of the weeds in the yard will also make the news this weekend…unless of course I get myself out there to battle a few of them.  Not exactly good news but I’ll take it if it means I can pack my sweaters away.  Elsewhere this week:

  1. “Woman Calls Police After Discovering 30 lbs Of Drugs Under Her Car” – You’d think the gas mileage would have clued her in sooner.
  2. “Duchess Finally Looks Pregnant” – Oh for pity sake. We really have nothing better to do than stalk the woman and take pictures of her stomach?  I sure would have enjoyed that.
  3. “Simple Move To Sculpt A Washboard Stomach” – Away from the table? Hate to be a skeptic but…nothing with the words “sculpt” and “stomach” used together is ever simple.
  4. “‘Dirty’ Fruit Can Make You Sick” – ummmm….so can dirty anything else. Duh!
  5. “Blue Lipstick Looks Good On” – If you are attracted to corpses.
  6. “Is Facebook Game Fad Over” – One can only hope!
  7. “WWE Twins Land Role On Reality Television” – Didn’t they already do that?
  8. “Woman Told She Is Too Overweight To Tan” – Huh?  Because the sun isn’t big enough to reach all of her at once??
  9. “Where The Rich Are Stashing Their Cash Now” – Well….maybe not after this article hit the internet.
  10. “Is The McDonald’s Value Menu Too Cheap?” – Isn’t that the point?  How much can one really expect someone to pay for that stuff anyway?
  11. “SmartCar’s New Head Turner” –  You can turn your head in one of those things?!?
  12. “Baffling Find In NY River” – A fish?
  13. “Former Lingerie Model Felt Like ‘A Piece Of Meat'” – Well DUH!  You didn’t think they hired you for your brain did you?
  14. “House Flippers Can’t Unload Castle” – Did they really think there was a big market for those?
  15. “Seven Things Wealthy People Know” – Their pin numbers.
  16. “How To Get A Bikini Body In Four Weeks” – Rent one?
  17. “What To Do Id You Can’t Pay Your Mortgage” – Buy a smaller house?
  18. “Airline Promotes In-Flight Flirting” – Great news for the wives at home while their husbands are on business trips.
  19. “Police Find Drugs On Bieber’s Bus” – Insert collective gasp of (sarcastic) disbelief.  You’d think that at the very least drugs would make his voice change….
  20. “When A $131 Million Divorce Payment Isn’t Enough” – You really need to reevaluate your lifestyle.

And yet another one from the “HUH?!?” file:

house arrest

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Wondering on Wednesday


Middle of the week…halfway to the weekend…almost there….my day to unload some random questions that flit through my brain. I’m starting to like Wednesdays.

  1. Am I the only one who has to suppress the urge to say “If I wanted anything else I’d have told you” to the person on the other side of the drive through intercom?
  2. Why is it that the more sleep you get the night before the harder it is to get going in the morning?  It’s like my body says, “Hey – I kind of liked that. Let’s do that some more!”
  3. Why do we flush fish down the toilet?  Is it the connection to water thing?  Seriously – we bury any other pet but flush the fish??  Because they live in water they should go to the sewer?  That just seems unfair somehow.
  4. Why does the sound of wind make you so tired.  I live in Nebraska where the wind blows constantly. You’d think I’d be used to it by now.
  5. Who makes the laugh tracks for tv shows and how can I get that job?  I’d laugh for a paycheck. No problem.
  6. Why do people post things on social networks that they would never ever tell anyone under any other circumstance?  There is still a line….just saying.
  7. How can kids be at each other’s throats one minute and laughing like best friends the next?  What did I miss?
  8. Have you ever noticed when you move you think that you found the perfect spot for something and then decide there is someplace better to put it.  Three times. I need to quit rearranging things. It takes too much energy and confuses everyone.
  9. Why do schools wait to put everything at the end of the year?  I need one more thing to attend.
  10. Why do they still put “Caution: Flammable. Do Not Use Near Open Flame” on the back of hairspray cans?  Is this a hold over from when women did their hair by candlelight? Is there anyone who doesn’t know this?  Why don’t they just put what they really mean: “Caution: Flammable. While it’s a whole lot of fun and every kid really has to do this at one point in their life, using this can and a lighter to create a blowtorch to impress your friends may start your mother’s curtains on fire and get you into trouble.  Go outside.”



Why Life Should Be A Musical

Photo Credit:

Photo Credit:

Last week a friend from high school posted a video on you tube of a musical we were both in many years ago.  After the panic of “how do I untag myself so my children never see this” subsided I found myself watching and remembering how much fun doing that production of “Godspell’ was.  Some of my best memories are from participating in high school musicals (no – not the Disney kind.)  This Sunday found our youngest daughter and I watching a couple musicals on television.  Again I was reminded of how much I love musicals.  I have mentioned before how big a part of my life music is and how there is usually some song running through my head (click here for that post) but now I have decided that life really would be better if it were a musical.  Seriously.  Hang with me here.  I have thought this through thoroughly.

  •  It is always easy to tell who the good guys and who the bad guys are. (Yes I know the theatrical and literary term for this is protagonist and antagonist but I think good guys and bad guys is easier to follow.  I’m a simpleton okay.)  This is due to costuming and the theme music that plays when they enter the scene.  How much easier would life be if the person who was going to try to ruin your life entered the room and really sinister music started?
  • You get to sing about everything.  Try it. Sing the following line to the tune of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”: “What in the world should I cook today? I think cereal would be okay.”  Makes life so much more fun don’t you think?
  • All the happy events in your life are celebrated by a really large production number involving everyone you know.  How cool would it be to just drop everything and spontaneously sing and dance when you are happy?  Think of the calories you’d burn.  Add to that everyone in the area backing you up? Are you kidding? Perfect!
  •  When life takes a turn for the worse you get to pour out your sadness with a soulful solo with great lighting.  Talk about a cleansing experience.  There is nothing like sitting in a spotlight in an otherwise blackened room pouring out your woes to get it out of your system. You’ll notice most musical casts do not include psychologists.
  • The costumes are great and there is always someone around to adjust them and fix your makeup.  No more pondering what you should wear.  It’s already decided for you. You always look great and if you don’t it is someone else’s fault.
  • There is always a great lesson to be learned from the plot.  I wonder how much smarter we’d all be if we looked for the lessons in life’s plot.
  • True love always wins.  No matter how beautiful the “other woman” is the heroine always gets her man. No matter how impossible it looks in the end the couple always finds true love. Girly sigh….
  • The good guy always wins and the sinister plot always fails.  It would be better if life worked that way don’t you think?
  • Everyone dances.  What a great exercise program.  No more sweaty gyms and machines.  You just dance through life to get your cardio in.  Much happier, don’t you think?
  • Everyone lives happily ever after and celebrates it with a HUGE song at the end. (AND you get to take a bow.)  How sweet is that.  Okay – I know there are a few musical exceptions to everyone living happily ever after.  “Westside Story” comes to mind but everyone really did learn a great lesson.  And really how well could a guy working at a drug store support a 15 year old wife anyway?
  • At the end of your story you get an ovation and flowers.  Who can ask for more than that?

Okay so there may be a few flaws in my theory.  I realize that not everyone can sing and dance. I also realize that everyone doesn’t want to.  I must say I can’t imagine why not.  I mean who in the world wouldn’t like to have a large marching band following you playing a peppy tune at the moment you admit you really are in love with that guy who appeared to be a scoundrel?  Sounds perfect to me….(just look how happy they are!)



Unplanned Gift

I meant to reblog this last Thursday in honor of our son’s 11th Birthday. Obviously that didn’t happen. Regardless of the day, the words of the post are still true today. Happy 11th (and 4 days) Birthday to our Unplanned Gift!

The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

This morning our ten year old asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day.  “Don’t say a hug Mom.  I mean a real gift.”  I looked at him and responded, “You are gift enough for me Buddy.”  That answer earned me an eye roll. He really has no idea how true my statement is.

 In December of 2000 I was headed into the fourth month of my fourth pregnancy.  Two days after Christmas I woke up and something was wrong.  After a trip to the doctor’s office and eventually the hospital, I miscarried our little boy. If you’ve never lost a child it is hard to understand the depth of the devastation it causes.  I can remember looking at my husband that night and asking, “How am I ever supposed to be ok again?”  In the follow-up visit to my doctor she informed me that our baby had a chromosomal…

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This Week’s Headlines #35


There was so much sad news this week I was hesitant to post this blog.  I decided to go ahead with my weekly poke at news despite my reservations. If this offends you I apologize – that wasn’t my intent.  My intent was to inject a little humor into a long week of sad news.  Here’s hoping for happier headlines in the weeks to come.  Happy Friday all!

  1. “Billionaire Wins Wine Fight” – Wonder if there was caviar involved?
  2. “Millions Of Wasps Found In Abandoned Home” – That would be because occupied homes have Raid.
  3. “3 Arrested After Police Follow Footprints” – They obviously didn’t watch “Criminal Minds’ before they robbed the store did they?
  4. “Circus Elephant Shot In Drive-by Shooting” – Who does a drive by at a circus? And all they could hit was an elephant?  Not impressive.
  5. “Man Writes Resignation Letter On A Cake” – Did he work at a bakery?  Hoping that they’ll pay his unused vacation?  Wish I’d have thought of that.
  6. “Why Bradly Cooper Lives With His Mom” – Because he can. Duh!
  7. “The Worst Thing You Can Have On A Resume” – ‘Fired’
  8. “Town Bans Style Of Pants” – One can only hope that they are the ones with the crotch that hangs between the knees and waistband half down the butt.
  9. “Disgusting Mess Left In Hotel Room By NFL Hopeful” – Well duh!  He’s a football player.  They aren’t known for being tidy.
  10. “Pope Supports Crackdown On U.S. Nuns” – Finally someone read all those letters written in parochial school study hall.
  11. “Why We Really Don’t Want Low Every Day Prices” – Speak for yourselves people.
  12. “Kat Von D’s Unusual Wedding Theme” – what a surprise because she’s so normal….
  13. “Good News For Tiger Woods After Loss” – Everyone likes his new girlfriend?
  14. “Swallowed Ring Recovered By Police” – I don’t wanna know.
  15. “Judge Fines Himself For Using Cell Phone In Court Room” – That’ll teach him to hit “silent”!  Wonder if he’ll appeal to himself too.
  16. “Snacks That Help You Burn Body Fat” – I’m guessing chocolate chip cookies didn’t make the list. Darn!
  17. “How To Rescue Your Wet Phone” – Well there went that plot to upgrade before I really needed to….
  18. “Gross Facts About Food Enhancer” – Does anyone else remember when we could blissfully eat food completely unaware that it was going to kill us?  I miss that.
  19. “CEO Gives $3.6 Million Bonus To Employees” – Sure tell me that now that I already found a job.
  20. “Toning Exercises You Can Do In The Living Room” – Remote lifting?  My arms should be super-toned by now.

And in honor of “tax week” a little reminder of how well our money is spent:




It’s Wonderful Wondering Wednesday!


Today’s blog is dedicated to my wonderfully wondrous husband. It’s his  birthday. He truly does fill my life with wonder and I’m so glad he puts up with me.  Most of the time I wonder why he does.  For example: it’s his birthday and did I do anything special?  Not really.  We are going to Starbucks later for a Birthday treat.  I wonder if they’ll put a candle in his cup for me….

  1. Do you suppose Syd from “Toy Story” grew up and started a toy refurb company?  I mean after talking to Woody like that you’d think he’d want to give back to toys.  Is anyone else disappointed they didn’t follow-up on that story line? (I swear if Pixar makes that movie I’m suing for the rights to the idea.   Remember – you saw it here first!) My kids tell me that the trash guy in Toy Story 3 is Syd because he has a skull shirt on but I’m not willing to settle for that.
  2. I understand it takes skill and finesse but is there anything  more boring than watching golf on television?  Why did I waste an afternoon checking in on that anyway?  What was I thinking?
  3. Considering this “spring’s” weather, I wonder where those little robins hopping about our yard go when it snows.  Do you suppose they think, “That’ll teach us to listen to a stupid groundhog!”?
  4. Is there anything better in the world than listening to a kid giggle?  I mean really giggle because they are delighted at something simple.
  5. Why do cats follow me around?  I’ve mentioned that I’m not a cat lover right?  You’d think they’d follow around someone who doesn’t tell them to go away.
  6. Where in the parenting manual does it say that every teenage girl will decide you have no brain cells what so ever?  You’d think they could warn us.  Okay – I’m on teenage daughter number 2…you’d think I’d have seen this one coming.
  7. Am I the only one who wonders if the people driving on the interstate in the morning are that crabby to their co-workers too?  It’s amazing they still have jobs.  Calm down people…and leave earlier.
  8. On what planet was it decided that girls’ dresses should resemble what used to be a shirt?  I went to our youngest daughter’s concert the other night and had to resist the temptation to cover our youngest son’s eyes.  WOW!  Really – no one needs to see all that.
  9. Am I the only one who feels guilty when someone does something nice for me? Seriously. It isn’t like I never do nice things for people.   Once in a while anyway.
  10. Who decided that it was a good idea for Louie Anderson to be on a show about diving?  There are some things that just don’t go together but I am thankful they didn’t put him in a speedo.  While I’m thinking about it…who decided a show about celebrities diving was a good idea?  “Plunge off a really high platform and throw in a flip even though you have never done this before.” Brilliant! And so safe!

Happy Mid-Week Everyone!!



I Don’t Want To Understand

Like everyone else for me yesterday was just a normal day until the news of the horror at the finish line of the Boston marathon broke.  I found out via inter-office email from someone who asked for prayer for a friend who was there.  The sender was unsure if their friend was okay.  Driving home as I listened to the news on the radio  I couldn’t help but think about all the people waiting to find out if their loved ones were okay.  Or the people who already knew their loved ones were not okay.  I can’t imagine. Arriving home I watched the news reports with my husband.  I saw the footage of the bombs, the panic, the aftermath.  The thought struck me that the people I  was seeing on my screen were loved by someone somewhere.  I can’t imagine seeing my loved one lying injured on footage of the evening news.  Then my thoughts turned to the person or people responsible.  Over and over my mind searched for the answer to “Why would anyone do this?  How does anyone get to the point where they are so depraved that they no longer value the life of another human? What happens to a person that makes them think such a horrible thing is justified?”  I just don’t understand it.  I spent quite a while trying to wrap my brain around it and I still don’t understand it.  The more I thought about it the more I came to the conclusion that it’s probably a good thing not to understand it. Some things will never be understandable.  Understanding it would mean I could think like a person who no longer values others.  Understanding it would mean that I lost my ability to care.  The more I thought about it the more I’ve decided: I don’t want to understand it.


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It Isn’t Home Any Longer

Early (very early!) Saturday morning found me jumping in my vehicle for a road trip to the north. My companions: my mother, our youngest (sleepy) daughter and my over sized travel mug of coffee. (I did mention it was early – right??)  Our mission: to help our oldest daughter get ready for her senior prom.  I think I’ve mentioned a million a few times how hard it is for this mom to have her little girl finishing her senior year without me there so since I had the day off we decided to whisk up to our former hometown and spend the day with her.  It seemed important.  I didn’t want to miss it. I think she was happy that I didn’t want to miss it too. Since I am a multitasker I also scheduled an appointment with my wonderful hair therapist whom I haven’t seen since we moved. (I had the gray hairs showing through to prove it.)  Of course it was prom day (or “up-do day” for hair therapists) so she sweetly squeezed me in early since I was going to be in town. That was the reason for the giant coffee mug and early start.  I really can’t blame my daughter.  Don’t tell her I said that though.

As we took off for a ladies road-trip day I couldn’t help but wonder a little how it was going to feel to return to the town which used to be home.  I hadn’t been back since the day we took off with the U-haul except for one quick trip for a final walk through our old house.  That particular trip left a rather unpleasant taste in my mouth, but that is a rant blog for a different day.  Setting out on the route that is oh-to-familiar I hoped this trip would be a little more fun and produce better memories but  I did wonder if I’d feel weird in such a familiar place now that things have changed.  I had promised my husband that we wouldn’t drive past our old home: something our daughter has struggled with since we moved.  She would drive by and get upset at the changes that were taking place.  Then she’d text me.   It’s hard to say goodbye to a house you grew up in.  It’s even harder when they are changing everything about that place.  Like cutting down all the trees you loved.  Since I am “away” it was easier for me to detach: we don’t live there any more and everything has changed for us.  For her it has been harder: the only thing that has really changed for her is her address and her “parents”. (Trust me – she got the good end of that deal.  Her new “parents” are way more fun, own a Keurig and make homemade blizzards.  She may never come “home”.)  Even though I detached fairly easily there have been times since we moved that I’ve missed that old house.  Like the times when our youngest daughter and I are both trying to get ready to leave in the morning.  I miss having two bathrooms.  Or when the kids are bickering.  I miss the space to send them away from each other.  Or when I’m tired. I miss our private master bedroom.  Just a few times few and far between. For the most part  I am over the moon with happiness at being where we are but there are times.  Driving by the old place, I knew, wouldn’t accomplish a thing.  I didn’t intend to do it.  What I forgot was that when you enter town you can see our old house from the highway if you know where to look.  From the backseat our youngest daughter exclaimed, “Oh my GOSH!  What did they do?? The trees are all gone and it looks stupid!”  Heart sinking a little I turned up the street to take my mom and daughter to the local coffee shop not far from my hair salon without responding to her.  Maybe this hadn’t been a good idea.

Since it was before noon  9am on a Saturday and no teenager in her right mind was going to be awake yet, I dropped off my traveling companions at the coffee shop to wait for daughter #1 to meet them while I got my hair done.  It was really kind of an odd feeling.  Everything there was the same yet it felt so very “different”.   Odd.  My hair appointment helped quite a lot.  There is nothing like being pampered and walking out of a place feeling pretty that helps one frame of mind.  My sweet little hair therapist is a miracle worker and I love just talking with her.  I felt a little more “at home” after spending time there and even better when I arrived to pick up my road trip-mates to discover daughter #1 had rolled out of bed and joined them.  Have I mentioned that I miss that girl?  Giggling and planning for the rest of the day we took off to go to the house where she is living with some very sweet friends of ours.  We had a dress to shorten and time to spend together.  The day was looking up!  It was great to see our friends again and catch up on the happenings of the past five weeks.  While we chatted my mother and I managed to figure out how to shorten my “inherited her mother’s height” daughter’s dress without deconstructing it.  When the last-minute (thanks kid!) dress alterations were complete it was time to take off for her to get her hair done.  Back to the salon.  Half an hour later she emerged with a princess-‘do and we were off to have lunch.  Then back to the house for nails. Make-up.  Last-minute primping.  Every girl needs a day to feel pampered and special and I’m so glad I didn’t miss this day with ours.  It was a wonderful day: a day of girly giggling and spending time with some of the most precious ladies in my life.  Despite the surreal moments of being in our “hometown” but staying in someone else’s home, it was a great day.

After the pictures and the good-bye hugs we watched her drive away before taking off for our return trip.  My mommy heart was a little sad seeing my beautiful girl take off and knowing I wouldn’t see her again for a few weeks.  It was in that frame of mind I pulled out of the driveway in the neighborhood very close to the neighborhood where we used to live.  Out of habit I pulled onto the shortcut street to get to the highway.  The one that runs parallel to the street where we lived.  I didn’t even think about it until we were passing our old house.  “Mom – LOOK!” daughter #2 exclaimed. I couldn’t help it – I glanced over.  I took in the yard now void of trees: the lilac and magnolia and crab apple that I loved to watch bloom every spring.  The pine trees which blocked the view of the garbage trucks parked in the lot behind the house.  Oh my. I quietly observed that I was glad they didn’t make those changes before we moved because I wouldn’t have liked them.  We got to the highway and headed south.  Somewhere in the middle of that trip the feeling of “I just want to get home” set in.  About the same time the realization hit me: I was headed HOME.  I finally realized why things felt a little odd all day long.  Though I have left a large piece of my heart living in our former hometown and I will cherish the memories we have from there the truth is this: It Isn’t Home Any Longer.

Of course I’m going to post a picture of the purpose for our trip.  Isn’t she beautiful??

Three of My Favorite Ladies

Three of My Favorite Ladies


This Week’s Headlines #34


Ahhh…the end of the work week has arrived.  Though my head is swimming with learning how to do my job and I find myself exhausted in the evenings I still managed to find a few interesting things to share. Well….I thought they were interesting.  Happy Friday everyone!

  1. “Beaver Kills Man” – And everyone thought that Eddie Haskill was the one who was going to end up in jail…
  2. “Why Wearing A Bra May Be Bad For You” – Hmmmmm….try “why not wearing one might be bad for others’.
  3. “McDonald’s Apologizes For Offensive Ad” – Now if we could just get them to apologize for offensive food.
  4. “Octomom Dresses Up As Angelina Jolie” – This woman’s 15 seconds of fame isn’t up yet?  Oh…wait…it must be.  Now she’s trying to use someone else’s….
  5. “Big Wave Surprises Woman” – See – all it takes is one small act of kindness.
  6. “Ten Items Every House Should Have” – Well I’d think a roof, doors and windows would top the list….
  7. “Woman Fights Parking Ticket Fine For The Ages” – They can ticket you for driving an old car now?
  8. “What’s Missing From The New Superman Movie?” – A plot?  Well…I mean a plot that hasn’t already been done.
  9. “Botox Messes Up Paltrow’s Face” – Well…yeah.  Injecting the stuff that causes botulism into your face will do that.
  10. “Lawsuit Caused In Golf Cart Accident” – Don’t mess up a golfer’s game!
  11. “Secret Story Behind Gilligan’s Theme” – There’s a secret behind it?  It always seemed pretty straight forward to me.
  12. “Alternatives To Cable” – A book? Going for a walk? Having a life?
  13. “$2.6 Million Convertible Sets Speed Record” – For that price it better do more than get me a ticket.  It better come with a chauffeur.
  14. “Want To Avoid Airport Lines?” – Drive?
  15. “Father Builds Backyard Spaceship” – Wasn’t that a movie?  Oh…wait…that was a farmer and he built it in the barn.  Never mind.
  16. “Lucky Belt Buckle Stops Bullet” – I bet you feel bad for making fun of those huge belt buckles now don’t you? They aren’t just for showing off rodeo championships any more!
  17. “5 Realistic Reasons Women Cheat” – Realistic reasons?? Seriously?  Let’s call them what they are: excuses.
  18. “Men Really Don’t Like Brazilian Bikini Waxes Survey Shows” – Well I don’t know about you but I’m relieved.  I’ll take that right off my “to do” list.
  19. “The 7 Most Common French Toast Mistakes” – French toast mistakes? How does anyone screw up french toast? Dip the bread in egg and fry it. It isn’t rocket science.
  20. “Are Carnival Cruises Cheaper Than A Motel 6?” – I’m guessing they are now.  Of course Motel 6’s have working plumbing…you have to pay for those extras you know.

Warning: Do not read this one if you are eating!

Makes you want to run out to the nearest all you can eat place doesn’t it??