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This Week’s Headlines #35

on April 19, 2013


There was so much sad news this week I was hesitant to post this blog.  I decided to go ahead with my weekly poke at news despite my reservations. If this offends you I apologize – that wasn’t my intent.  My intent was to inject a little humor into a long week of sad news.  Here’s hoping for happier headlines in the weeks to come.  Happy Friday all!

  1. “Billionaire Wins Wine Fight” – Wonder if there was caviar involved?
  2. “Millions Of Wasps Found In Abandoned Home” – That would be because occupied homes have Raid.
  3. “3 Arrested After Police Follow Footprints” – They obviously didn’t watch “Criminal Minds’ before they robbed the store did they?
  4. “Circus Elephant Shot In Drive-by Shooting” – Who does a drive by at a circus? And all they could hit was an elephant?  Not impressive.
  5. “Man Writes Resignation Letter On A Cake” – Did he work at a bakery?  Hoping that they’ll pay his unused vacation?  Wish I’d have thought of that.
  6. “Why Bradly Cooper Lives With His Mom” – Because he can. Duh!
  7. “The Worst Thing You Can Have On A Resume” – ‘Fired’
  8. “Town Bans Style Of Pants” – One can only hope that they are the ones with the crotch that hangs between the knees and waistband half down the butt.
  9. “Disgusting Mess Left In Hotel Room By NFL Hopeful” – Well duh!  He’s a football player.  They aren’t known for being tidy.
  10. “Pope Supports Crackdown On U.S. Nuns” – Finally someone read all those letters written in parochial school study hall.
  11. “Why We Really Don’t Want Low Every Day Prices” – Speak for yourselves people.
  12. “Kat Von D’s Unusual Wedding Theme” – what a surprise because she’s so normal….
  13. “Good News For Tiger Woods After Loss” – Everyone likes his new girlfriend?
  14. “Swallowed Ring Recovered By Police” – I don’t wanna know.
  15. “Judge Fines Himself For Using Cell Phone In Court Room” – That’ll teach him to hit “silent”!  Wonder if he’ll appeal to himself too.
  16. “Snacks That Help You Burn Body Fat” – I’m guessing chocolate chip cookies didn’t make the list. Darn!
  17. “How To Rescue Your Wet Phone” – Well there went that plot to upgrade before I really needed to….
  18. “Gross Facts About Food Enhancer” – Does anyone else remember when we could blissfully eat food completely unaware that it was going to kill us?  I miss that.
  19. “CEO Gives $3.6 Million Bonus To Employees” – Sure tell me that now that I already found a job.
  20. “Toning Exercises You Can Do In The Living Room” – Remote lifting?  My arms should be super-toned by now.

And in honor of “tax week” a little reminder of how well our money is spent:




2 responses to “This Week’s Headlines #35

  1. Thanks for the laughs after a gut-wrenching Friday watching all the news coverage. I’m so glad the Feds spent valuable time determining that fish need water!

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