The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

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This Week’s Headlines – #36

on April 26, 2013

newspaper-cartoon

Ahhh…finally Friday my friends.  Warm weather weekend headed our way here in Nebraska – now that is news!  I’m quite sure the size of the weeds in the yard will also make the news this weekend…unless of course I get myself out there to battle a few of them.  Not exactly good news but I’ll take it if it means I can pack my sweaters away.  Elsewhere this week:

  1. “Woman Calls Police After Discovering 30 lbs Of Drugs Under Her Car” – You’d think the gas mileage would have clued her in sooner.
  2. “Duchess Finally Looks Pregnant” – Oh for pity sake. We really have nothing better to do than stalk the woman and take pictures of her stomach?  I sure would have enjoyed that.
  3. “Simple Move To Sculpt A Washboard Stomach” – Away from the table? Hate to be a skeptic but…nothing with the words “sculpt” and “stomach” used together is ever simple.
  4. “‘Dirty’ Fruit Can Make You Sick” – ummmm….so can dirty anything else. Duh!
  5. “Blue Lipstick Looks Good On” – If you are attracted to corpses.
  6. “Is Facebook Game Fad Over” – One can only hope!
  7. “WWE Twins Land Role On Reality Television” – Didn’t they already do that?
  8. “Woman Told She Is Too Overweight To Tan” – Huh?  Because the sun isn’t big enough to reach all of her at once??
  9. “Where The Rich Are Stashing Their Cash Now” – Well….maybe not after this article hit the internet.
  10. “Is The McDonald’s Value Menu Too Cheap?” – Isn’t that the point?  How much can one really expect someone to pay for that stuff anyway?
  11. “SmartCar’s New Head Turner” –  You can turn your head in one of those things?!?
  12. “Baffling Find In NY River” – A fish?
  13. “Former Lingerie Model Felt Like ‘A Piece Of Meat'” – Well DUH!  You didn’t think they hired you for your brain did you?
  14. “House Flippers Can’t Unload Castle” – Did they really think there was a big market for those?
  15. “Seven Things Wealthy People Know” – Their pin numbers.
  16. “How To Get A Bikini Body In Four Weeks” – Rent one?
  17. “What To Do Id You Can’t Pay Your Mortgage” – Buy a smaller house?
  18. “Airline Promotes In-Flight Flirting” – Great news for the wives at home while their husbands are on business trips.
  19. “Police Find Drugs On Bieber’s Bus” – Insert collective gasp of (sarcastic) disbelief.  You’d think that at the very least drugs would make his voice change….
  20. “When A $131 Million Divorce Payment Isn’t Enough” – You really need to reevaluate your lifestyle.

And yet another one from the “HUH?!?” file:

house arrest

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