The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

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This Week’s Headlines #37

on May 3, 2013

newspaper2

The big news around here this week was May Day.  More specifically the snow that fell on May Day and turned the roads into a slushy icy mess.  On May Day.  That means it snowed in May.  That isn’t exactly conducive to leaving fun flowery baskets and running off before you get caught. You’ll slip and fall down. I may live in Nebraska but this is unusual even for here.  Unusual enough that it caused our oldest daughter to text me: “Ok seriously.  Mother Nature is on CRACK!” Personally I think it’s global warming.  Wait….climate change.  That’s what we call it now.  Last year at this time it had been spring for two months already and we were headed into a drought.  This year it’s snowing in May and we can’t keep enough washer fluid in the cars to combat the precipitation falling from the sky.  I wouldn’t mind climate change so much if it would just pick a climate to change to.  In other news….

  1. “What To Major In If You Want To Get Rich” – Dating only children of multi-millionaires.
  2. “Worker Dies In Blender” – What?  Was he working at Charlie’s Chocolate Factory?
  3. “Meet The New Cinderella” – I’ve never actually met the old one.
  4. “Why LL Cool J Kept One Pant Leg Rolled Up” – Dog with an over active bladder?  Seems as logical as any other explanation.
  5. “Bikini Made Of Metal” – Oh now there is a great idea.  Go swimming in a lead suit.  Brilliant!
  6. “Can A Lack Of Friends Shorten Your Life” – I have no idea but I know I’ve had a few “friends” who have made me wish life was shorter.
  7. “See Bubba From Forest Gump Today” – What are they talking about? Bubba died!
  8. “Seven Things You Should Never Buy Used” #1 – gum.  #2 – underwear…..
  9. “Serious Benefits Of Late Night Eating” – You don’t sleepwalk to the kitchen?  Less grumpy at bedtime?
  10. “Freak Accident Forces College QB To Retire” –  Retire from college?  And aren’t all accidents ‘freak”?  Does anyone plan accidents?
  11. “Five Dying Careers You Should Avoid” – Well snow plow driver isn’t on the list.  This year anyway.
  12. “Tim Tebow Doesn’t Interest Dolphins” – Neither do I.  Your point?
  13. “What If Barbie Looked Like A Real Woman?” – Her clothes wouldn’t fit and she could never walk in those shoes.
  14. “Kim Kardasion Freaks Out At Beauty Salon” – Just wait until she gets to the delivery room.
  15. “Dramatic Bee Disappearance Explained” – Bug spray?
  16. “Former Boy Band Member’s Advice” – Hair gel doesn’t work on bald spots?
  17. “Warren Buffet Sends His First Tweet” – Oh please.  I’m sure he has someone to do that for him.
  18. “Vouge’s Guide To Affordable Fashion” – Affordable for whom? Your models?
  19. “Shoplifter Argues: The Store Is Named Finders Keepers” – Okay that one is actually pretty cleaver.  Bet it didn’t work but he should get time off for creativity.
  20. “How To Read Food Labels” – With a dictionary.  Wait is monosodyliglucomine in the dictionary?  Maybe invite a scientist over…

And from my “Ya Think?!” file:

Photo Credit: mom-ology.ca

Photo Credit: mom-ology.ca

I’d imagine he had pain in several places….

Happy Weekend All!!

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