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Things You Shouldn’t Text (Or Tell) Your Mother

on June 18, 2013

freaking-out

I was blissfully working yesterday
when I received a text from our oldest. “Hey Mom – Guess What?!”  Because I didn’t really have time to play the “guess really stupid things until he tells you” game, I simply replied, “What?” (Boring – I know.)  “I was sitting on my porch drinking coffee with Shannon and lightening hit her car and my truck.”  Okay – WHAT?!  A few frantic mother-texts later I deduced he was indeed fine, as was his truck, however it was his final text to me which caused concern: “It was the coolest thing that’s ever made me fear from my life.”  Now this boy has been my kid for almost 22 years. You’d think by now he’d have learned what information he should and shouldn’t share with his mother.  Upon arriving home I quizzed my husband to see if he too had received a similar set of texts.  With that half-smile “I am so amused” look that brings out the twinkle in his eye and made me fall in love with him (a look his eldest child also gets and I don’t find near as adorable I might add…) he replied, “Yep.  You do know he does that to get a rise out of you – right?”  Of course I know that.  Dang kid. Works every time.  Chuckling, my husband went on to say, “Look at the bright side: he gave you something to blog about.”  Have I mentioned the man is brilliant? (Even when he is annoying me by being right?) Without further ado, I present to you a list of things kids should never text – or say to – their mother. Some of these are gleaned from real-life experience.  Okay….most of them are.

  • “My arm is in a sling.”  (And then don’t reply when I text back.)
  • “Hey Mom!  They let me keep the glock!” (Before my gun control friend start: the kid had a summer internship as a guard at a women’s penitentiary.  He’s studying to be a cop.) While I’m on the subject…
  • “They put me on the maximum security floor. Some of these women are scary.”
  • “Do we have any super glue?”
  • “Remember your favorite mug?”
  • “I have a really cool new bruise.”
  • “We’re stopped on the highway. Someone hit the school van.”
  • “How do you get chocolate off the couch?”
  • “Did you know the vacuum sucks up rocks really well?”
  • “Chill Mom. No one was badly injured.”
  • “I’m bored.”
  • “Are you stopping at the store?”
  • “How much grease does it take to clog a drain?”
  • “How important is that knob thingy?”
  • “I’m okay Mom but you need to talk to the school nurse.”
  • “The fire is a few miles away mom. Relax”
  • “It’s a long story.”
  • “Do we have anything to eat?”
  • “Are we doing anything fun tonight?”
  • “How fast does hair grow back?”
  • “Before you yell Mom I can explain…”

and finally:

  • “You’ll never guess what I did today!”

And I wonder why I’m forced to color my grey hairs….

got-my-boyfriend-pregnant-16819

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7 responses to “Things You Shouldn’t Text (Or Tell) Your Mother

  1. Running1 says:

    since my daughter went off to college, after a few crazed texts and phone calls, whenever I see her number come up while I am at work, I immediately know it won’t be good. i told her unless she is kidnapped or a limb is hanging off, i don’t want to know about it. i would love for the days when we just couldn’t get in touch with our parents and wouldn’t want to anyway. great post!

  2. sarahlmandl says:

    “How fast does hair grow back?” LOL!

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