The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

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This Week’s Headlines #40

on June 21, 2013

newspaper

WOW!  We’ve made it to 40!  This milestone makes me much happier referring to the number of headline posts I’ve made than it did when it referred to my age – just saying.  Thanks to all my favorite readers for hanging with my craziness for forty posts.  You’d think I’d run out of sarcasm eventually wouldn’t you? Let me assure you as long as I breathe I will be able to pick apart headlines.  It’s like a life game for me….

  1. “Former Contestants: Miss USA Contestants Are Too Skinny This Year” – Because you all exuded such health and body fat before? Jealous much?
  2. “Sight That Motivated The Heat To Comeback Win” – The scoreboard?
  3. “Mariah Carey Flaunts Barely-There Beach Wear” –  This is news?  Doesn’t she do that like every day?
  4. “Where Teens Are Flocking Instead Of Facebook” – Someplace their parents can’t see what they are doing.
  5. “Rihanna Hits Fan With Microphone” – I guess it’s a good idea to stay out of her way.  She learned from the best after all….
  6. “Ten National Parks You Didn’t Know Existed” – I’m going to venture a guess there are a few more than that.
  7. “How To Fold A Shirt in Two Seconds” – Incorrectly. (and I’m hoping my kids didn’t read this one!)
  8. “Man Wrestles Rampaging Bull To The Ground” – Bored?  Need to reassure yourself of your viral manliness? WOW!
  9. “Car Jumps Curb In NYC” – Again…this is news?  Happens every day around here.
  10. “NASA Wants Your Help To Stop Killer Asteroids” – Great! Be right there!!
  11. “Why Are Some People This Bad At Singing?” – I’m not positive of the whole reason but alcohol is usually a contributing factor.
  12. “Are you Boiling Potatoes The Wrong Way?”  There’s a wrong way? As long as it involves boiling water and potatoes I’d say you are on the right track.
  13. “U.S. Not Equipped To Battle Zombies In A Movie” – What? We’ve forgotten how to hit the off button??
  14. “Could You Eat A Burrito The Size Of A Baby?” – Why would I want to?!?
  15. “Half a Million For 480 Square Foot House” – Somebody is a sucker.
  16. “What Is He Really Thinking During Bikini Season” – If he’s smart…nothing.
  17. “Ancient Toilet Reveals Parasites In Crusader’Poop” – Okay…1 – EW!  2-Why did are looking for them? Or anything else in there?  3- Is anyone really surprised by this? 4-EW!!!!!!!!!!!!
  18. “Is It Time To Retire?” – Oh I wish!
  19. “Is Sugar In Fruit Better For you Than Other Sugar?” – Maybe…but it isn’t as much fun.
  20. ” ‘Dumb And Dumber To’ Is Saved From Chopping Block” – More proof that some things shouldn’t be saved….

And from the “DUH!” file:

casket-headlineHappy Weekend All!!

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