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Honest or Unhelpful??

Iam helpfulThere are times in my life when I ponder whether or not I am a little too honest about myself.  I know me and I know the things of which I am capable. While I believe that is a good thing, there are times when I wonder if I should share that knowledge with others. Sometimes it makes me seem unhelpful. Just ask my poor husband.

When we moved into this house last year I was well aware that there was a likelihood that we would at some point be visited by a rodent or two.  It is to be expected when one occupies a home that has been vacant for several years and is located on a farm.  (While this fact isn’t one of my favorite things about our current home it is one that I decided I could handle: eyes on the prize after all.)  Knowing this I wasn’t all together too freaked out last fall when we had a few unwanted visitors. I was expecting them and was mentally prepared.  What I wasn’t expecting was that several months later, in subzero temperatures and following a small investment in pest control products spread throughout the house, that we’d have another rodent-infidel slip in.  I mean, after all, we hadn’t seen a sign of a mouse for months and it has been freezing cold outside. Shouldn’t those little buggars be frozen or hibernating or something?  Who can blame me for letting my guard down? I truly thought mouse season had passed. You can imagine my surprise when I discovered I was wrong. Really, REALLY wrong.

Last Tuesday evening we had spent the evening cuddled in our warm house as a family. (At 15 below who wants to do anything else?)  The children had retired for the evening and I was preparing to do the same.   As I walked out of the bathroom in the hall out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw something run across our bedroom floor. ‘Nah.’ I thought. ‘I’m just really tired. It was probably just one of those weird eye things.’  I went into our room and began to change when suddenly out from under the bed the same “eye thing” streaked out and ran under my husband’s dresser.  EEEEEK! So there I was, in an unclothed state, doing what I typically do when I see a mouse: freezing on the spot. Completely immobile with the words ‘do NOT scream and wake up the kids’ I managed to grab my robe and run out to get my superhero husband who was, thankfully, home.  Had he not been home I would have ended up spending the night on the couch…at my mother’s house. (Sorry kids – you are on your OWN!) Muttering “Great” my superhero grabbed his tools of mouse destruction (a flash light and a broom) and headed for our room.  Following my usual procedure and being my typically brave self, I headed for the furthest point in the house from our room. (I do the damsel in distress well – no??)

While I was sitting in the dark pondering how much longer we were planning to live in the house and wondering what in the world was wrong with the farm cats whose job it is to catch these creepy things BEFORE they get in (they are SO fired!), I heard thunking in our room.  ‘Yay!’, I thought, “My superhero found him!! It won’t be long until I can just go to bed.”  More time passed.  More noises in our room. No triumphant husband coming out to give me the ‘all clear’.  Maybe he was just cleaning up. I decided I could be brave enough to investigate, after all I was exhausted and just wanted to go to bed.  Upon returning to our room I found him still on the floor with the flashlight looking under things.  It turns out that he had in fact spotted Mr. Mouse under the dresser but the wily rodent had gotten behind the pedestal leg so he couldn’t get to him with the broom.  Knowing that he’d have to block the furry menace in there somehow while he moved the dresser, my husband had turned around to grab something and by the time he had turned back around the creepy creature had vanished. Poof! Gone.   I walked in just as he was getting ready to  check under the bed again. Looking for assistance he asked me, “If I chase him out from under the bed can you hit him with the broom?”  Here was my moment to shine. To truly be the helpmate to this man that I vowed to be so many years ago.  Here was my chance to be my superhero’s sidekick.  I looked my sweet husband square in the eye and said, “No.”  Completely unhelpful.

As I scurried away I felt a little guilty.  I knew I should help. I knew that at moment my superhero was pondering whether or not he should find a better sidekick: one who doesn’t flee during the heat of battle.   I was in one of those moments of being completely honest about myself that generally makes me look unhelpful.  I knew that there was no way I would hit that mouse.  I would freeze and watch the mouse run by.   Though my husband had looked at me with disbelief when I answered, I knew that I was really saving him some frustration.  Really I was.  I have experience in this. My mind raced back to the many times in my childhood when, during a “mouse rodeo”, my mom would stand with broom in hand ready to help my dad. He was the “flusher” and she was supposed to be the “bopper”. What happened every time, however, is that my dad would be the “flusher” and my mom became the “dancer” – hopping up and down screaming.  To my knowledge she has yet to ever hit a mouse with a broom.  (She might have accidentally landed on one during her hopping but I don’t think so.) While these moments make for really funny stories later in life the truth is hopping or freezing up really isn’t helpful at the time. The mouse escapes and the rodeo continues in another room.

See? My honesty really was helping my husband, he just didn’t know it at the time.

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Wednesday Wonderings

 

WonderingWednesdayWe’ve experienced some thunderstorms in the middle of the night the last few nights and have officially discovered that our new family member, Lady Lola the Diva Dog, does not appreciate thunderstorms.  My first clue was waking to find her standing on my head.  I wonder why they didn’t mention that in her adoption paperwork? That might have been useful information.  Well…okay…it did say she doesn’t like loud noises. It didn’t say she’d rip into our bedroom at 80 miles an hour in the event of a lightening strike.  Good thing she’s so cute.  The bonus of our mid-night escapades is that I’ve discovered  I ponder really silly things after a few night’s interrupted sleep.  Just in time! Without further ado: this week’s wonderings!

  1. Why do you not appreciate your thigh muscles until they hurt?  I didn’t even realize the suckers were there until the day after I spent an afternoon squatting on the ground pulling out rocks. OUCH!
  2. Why does everyone feel the need to post on Facebook about the weather when it turns hot? (Or cold for that matter?)  “Guess what! It’s hot out!” I guess that is for all your virtual friends who are living under a rock?
  3. Who invented cliffhangers at the end of a television season? Sadistic bugger. I need closure people!
  4. Who knew there were so many products out there to choose from to remove “tear stains” from your dog’s eyes? Should this be that complicated?!
  5. Why do motorcycles zip around you at a hundred miles an hour and then complain that no one is watching for them? (Okay…before you go there: I know this doesn’t apply to all motorcyclists.  Just the ones on the interstate.)
  6. Does anyone else ever wonder if it is actually possible to successfully empty an entire toothpaste tube by only squeezing from the bottom? No really. I want to hear from anyone who has done it.
  7. Where do all those bugs that show up at night come from? And while I’m thinking about it: why do they think up my nose is a good place to be? EW!
  8. Why does everyone think everything you say or post is about them?  It usually isn’t but if you are feeling guilty…. (We have a saying around here: “If the shoe fits…it’s likely a Wedel female will purchase it. Oh…wait…)
  9. Am I the only one who watches commercials for the latest greatest weight loss pill and wonders how many days it makes one spend in the bathroom to accomplish that weight loss?
  10.  Finally: how can a dog annoy and amuse you at the same time?  Probably the same way my kids always have but I haven’t figured out their secret either….

Have A Happy Wednesday All!

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This Week’s Headlines #41

newspaper

Oh what a week it’s been.  In news of my life I’d like to introduce our new family member Lola:

Lola

For those of you who remember this blog I posted when our old dog passed away, I told you eventually I’d want another dog.   We adopted our new sweet girl from the Nebraska Humane Society.  She’s already getting us trained.  Despite the excitement and the fact that I don’t want to quit petting her I did manage to find some time to read this week’s news and laugh. A lot.

  1. “Woman Frantic Costly Over Garage Sale Mistake” – Someone should have warned her that old vacuum wasn’t worth $250 nor does it work.
  2. “Deep Sea Trash like You’ve Never Seen Before” – Well since I haven’t hung out at the bottom of the ocean I don’t think I’ve ever seen any before.
  3. “Where Your Car Is Most Likely To be Stolen” – In public?
  4. “Beardless Brother Joins ‘Duck Dynasty’ Cast” – Are we sure it isn’t a sister??
  5. “If You Have These Habits You Might Get Hacked” –  Shopping on-line?Going on-line?  Logging into your computer?
  6. “NFL: Almost Enough Arrests To Form A Team” – Well they’ll need something to do during rec time.
  7. “Farmer Feeds Pot To Pigs” – Maybe he wanted them to quit squealing.
  8. “New ‘Terminator’ Movie Announced” – Oh good. I was just wondering when they’d resurrect that one. Now all we need is the “Back To The Future” people to get busy. Oh and the karate Kid to have a grandchild…
  9. “100 Year Old Woman Hits Another Milestone” – Because the century mark wasn’t good enough?
  10. “Summer Fashions That Flatter Fuller Figures” – Please don’t let the words “two piece” be in that article!
  11. “Bad News For Starbucks Baristas” – Menu expansion….again?
  12. “Airlines With The Best WiFi” – Yeah forget safety records. I want to know which plane will let me play Candy Crush.
  13. “Are You Sure You Want That Hamburger” – Ummm….yeah!
  14. “Food Ingredient That Is Aging Your Face” – Lemon?
  15. “New Fast Food Trend Is All About The Buns” – You mean how big ours are getting eating there?
  16. “Horse Fossil Yields Surprising Find” – Oh please don’t let this be another ancient poop story.
  17. “Obtaining a Home Loan may Be Getting Easier” – Isn’t this what caused the last problem?  Do we not learn from our mistakes?
  18. “Who Says Cars Can’t Swim” – Well no one.  We just call them boats.
  19. “School Lunches To Be Overhauled” – While I’d wholeheartedly endorse that….I’ll bet money no matter what they do the lunches will still be gross.
  20. “Dairy Queen Implements Employee Wellness Program” – Because all those High School students are out of shape? Ice Cream…wellness…sounds right to me!

And from the “Hey why didn’t I think of that?!” file:

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Happy Weekend All!!

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I Just Wanted To Read A Story

Supercell Near West Point Nebraska - June 2012

Supercell Near West Point Nebraska – June 2012

It seems we’ve had our fair share of severe weather this year.  I love a good storm but I’m not to hyped about the ones that look like they are going to wisk us away to Oz. A contributing factor to my recent sensitivity to the weather may have something to do with the fact that our house has no basement.  When a storm is looking ominous we have to run up the hill to my parents house to seek shelter in their basement.  It seems like we’ve spent our fair share of time there this year.  It’s been a learning experience.

We’ve learned that one shouldn’t wait too long to decide to seek basement shelter.  Running through the rain makes you wet and cold.

We’ve also learned that weather radios go off in the middle of  the night to warn you of the threat of a possible flash flood somewhere in Iowa 300 miles away.

The biggest lesson we’ve learned is that our kids are downright cranky when awoken in the middle of the night to go to Grandma’s basement.  (You’d think they’d be a little grateful we were saving their lives.) No seriously.  They are CRANKY.

Our first tornado warning experience occurred at 2am one Saturday night….Sunday morning….you know what I mean.  We were awoken by our phones ringing combined with my parents car horn beeping.  My folks were obviously trying to get our attention which was a good thing considering I had shut off the weather radio after a few nights of sleep interrupted by wind warnings issued for northeastern Canada. (I’m only exaggerating a little.)  Groggily we got up and assessed the situation and arrived at the conclusion that it was probably wise to head up to the basement.  Waking our kids and dragging them through the chilly rain that was beginning to fall didn’t make them very happy.  Shivering in their grandparents’ basement with little to do other than listen to the weather radio didn’t improve their moods much.  It was in this cranky situation I, being the ever helpful mother, decided to help out.  I’m full of great ideas in the middle of the night after being yanked from deep REM.  I quickly grabbed a gardening magazine off of the stack my mom has in her basement.  Trying to engage everyone in interesting discussion I began sharing some of the interesting tidbits of information I ran across.  Sparking no interest from anyone I switched gears and began an engaging conversation about what fabulous things we could plant.  No one was engaged.  Fine.  Party poopers.

Putting down the magazine I began to poke around in some of the other treasures my parents’ basement hold when, lo and behold, I spied one of my favorite childhood books: “Little House In The Big Woods“.  Perfect.  I decided that there would be no better way to liven up our party in the basement than to read to everyone from this classic story.  I am a very entertaining book reader I must say.  Settling in I began to attempt to share the beloved story of Pa and Ma and Laura and Mary when my children, loudly, began protesting.  “MOOOOOM! Please!”  Eye rolling.  Groaning.  More “MOM! STOP!”  Sigh.  I guess no great entertainer is appreciated at first.  My mother was the only one highly amused by my attempt to be entertaining during the storm.  The guys left to “check” what was going on outside.  The kids began to try to get the book out of my hands.  Admitting defeat (while accusing them of being party poopers) I put the book down and quietly waited for the storm warning to expire.  Fine.  Let them be bored during a storm.  No one could say I didn’t try.

That was a month and a half and about four storm warnings ago.  During the second storm warning I noticed the book had been shoved under a large pile of blankets in an attempt to hide it.  Fine.  I helped my mother sort through a box of things instead. (Who said one can’t multi-task while waiting on a storm to pass.)  The last time we made a basement appearance I couldn’t locate the book anywhere.  It seems my youngest daughter was helping her grandmother sort things one day and she might have, accidentally of course, stuffed the book in the Goodwill box.  Wow.  That was pretty cold giving away my childhood book.  I mean after all I had just been trying to help. She may have been embarrassed by my storm-induced behavior  but geez: I just wanted to read a story.

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This Week’s Headlines #40

newspaper

WOW!  We’ve made it to 40!  This milestone makes me much happier referring to the number of headline posts I’ve made than it did when it referred to my age – just saying.  Thanks to all my favorite readers for hanging with my craziness for forty posts.  You’d think I’d run out of sarcasm eventually wouldn’t you? Let me assure you as long as I breathe I will be able to pick apart headlines.  It’s like a life game for me….

  1. “Former Contestants: Miss USA Contestants Are Too Skinny This Year” – Because you all exuded such health and body fat before? Jealous much?
  2. “Sight That Motivated The Heat To Comeback Win” – The scoreboard?
  3. “Mariah Carey Flaunts Barely-There Beach Wear” –  This is news?  Doesn’t she do that like every day?
  4. “Where Teens Are Flocking Instead Of Facebook” – Someplace their parents can’t see what they are doing.
  5. “Rihanna Hits Fan With Microphone” – I guess it’s a good idea to stay out of her way.  She learned from the best after all….
  6. “Ten National Parks You Didn’t Know Existed” – I’m going to venture a guess there are a few more than that.
  7. “How To Fold A Shirt in Two Seconds” – Incorrectly. (and I’m hoping my kids didn’t read this one!)
  8. “Man Wrestles Rampaging Bull To The Ground” – Bored?  Need to reassure yourself of your viral manliness? WOW!
  9. “Car Jumps Curb In NYC” – Again…this is news?  Happens every day around here.
  10. “NASA Wants Your Help To Stop Killer Asteroids” – Great! Be right there!!
  11. “Why Are Some People This Bad At Singing?” – I’m not positive of the whole reason but alcohol is usually a contributing factor.
  12. “Are you Boiling Potatoes The Wrong Way?”  There’s a wrong way? As long as it involves boiling water and potatoes I’d say you are on the right track.
  13. “U.S. Not Equipped To Battle Zombies In A Movie” – What? We’ve forgotten how to hit the off button??
  14. “Could You Eat A Burrito The Size Of A Baby?” – Why would I want to?!?
  15. “Half a Million For 480 Square Foot House” – Somebody is a sucker.
  16. “What Is He Really Thinking During Bikini Season” – If he’s smart…nothing.
  17. “Ancient Toilet Reveals Parasites In Crusader’Poop” – Okay…1 – EW!  2-Why did are looking for them? Or anything else in there?  3- Is anyone really surprised by this? 4-EW!!!!!!!!!!!!
  18. “Is It Time To Retire?” – Oh I wish!
  19. “Is Sugar In Fruit Better For you Than Other Sugar?” – Maybe…but it isn’t as much fun.
  20. ” ‘Dumb And Dumber To’ Is Saved From Chopping Block” – More proof that some things shouldn’t be saved….

And from the “DUH!” file:

casket-headlineHappy Weekend All!!

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Wonderful Wondering Wednesday!

WonderingWednesday

Oh wondrous Wednesday! The day I get to purge my brain of all those questions that have been pinging around for a week or two.  The only down side is that I’m afraid one of these days I’ll purge them and there will be nothing left up there.  The upside is I am quite sure I can fill it up with useless thoughts again pretty quickly.

  1. Why is it so difficult for people to admit they are wrong?  I mean I get that  no one enjoys being wrong but do you really think anyone believes you are perfect?  Get therapy!
  2. Who came up with the phrase “lose a limb”?  It kind of sounds like it was misplaced somewhere.
  3. Was anyone aware that ring around the rosey was made up during the scarlet fever epidemic?  My childhood memories just got a little spooky.
  4. While I’m on the subject, who coined the bedtime prayer that ends “If I die before I wake I pray the Lord my soul to take…”?  Sweet dreams children!
  5. And who thought singing to a baby about falling in their cradle from a tree would calm them into sleep?  We are a warped society.
  6. Why do people drive like idiots around accident sites? Learn by example people! Put on your patient pants.
  7. Why is the one kid screaming their head off in the store always in the same aisle as me?
  8. Does anyone really believe you can reason with a screaming toddler? Really?
  9. Who decided that leggings were acceptable to wear as pants? No one needs to see all of that – buy a longer shirt!
  10. Why do we think that if we use a “nice” word that people won’t know we are really thinking the cuss word? I’m not two.
  11. Bonus for the day: Did you know they sell pancake batter in a bottle?  Really? Because adding the water to the mix is so taxing?  To quote my daughter: “If you can’t mix pancake batter you really just fail at life.”

Phew!  I feel so unloaded now!  Happy mid-week all!!

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Things You Shouldn’t Text (Or Tell) Your Mother

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I was blissfully working yesterday
when I received a text from our oldest. “Hey Mom – Guess What?!”  Because I didn’t really have time to play the “guess really stupid things until he tells you” game, I simply replied, “What?” (Boring – I know.)  “I was sitting on my porch drinking coffee with Shannon and lightening hit her car and my truck.”  Okay – WHAT?!  A few frantic mother-texts later I deduced he was indeed fine, as was his truck, however it was his final text to me which caused concern: “It was the coolest thing that’s ever made me fear from my life.”  Now this boy has been my kid for almost 22 years. You’d think by now he’d have learned what information he should and shouldn’t share with his mother.  Upon arriving home I quizzed my husband to see if he too had received a similar set of texts.  With that half-smile “I am so amused” look that brings out the twinkle in his eye and made me fall in love with him (a look his eldest child also gets and I don’t find near as adorable I might add…) he replied, “Yep.  You do know he does that to get a rise out of you – right?”  Of course I know that.  Dang kid. Works every time.  Chuckling, my husband went on to say, “Look at the bright side: he gave you something to blog about.”  Have I mentioned the man is brilliant? (Even when he is annoying me by being right?) Without further ado, I present to you a list of things kids should never text – or say to – their mother. Some of these are gleaned from real-life experience.  Okay….most of them are.

  • “My arm is in a sling.”  (And then don’t reply when I text back.)
  • “Hey Mom!  They let me keep the glock!” (Before my gun control friend start: the kid had a summer internship as a guard at a women’s penitentiary.  He’s studying to be a cop.) While I’m on the subject…
  • “They put me on the maximum security floor. Some of these women are scary.”
  • “Do we have any super glue?”
  • “Remember your favorite mug?”
  • “I have a really cool new bruise.”
  • “We’re stopped on the highway. Someone hit the school van.”
  • “How do you get chocolate off the couch?”
  • “Did you know the vacuum sucks up rocks really well?”
  • “Chill Mom. No one was badly injured.”
  • “I’m bored.”
  • “Are you stopping at the store?”
  • “How much grease does it take to clog a drain?”
  • “How important is that knob thingy?”
  • “I’m okay Mom but you need to talk to the school nurse.”
  • “The fire is a few miles away mom. Relax”
  • “It’s a long story.”
  • “Do we have anything to eat?”
  • “Are we doing anything fun tonight?”
  • “How fast does hair grow back?”
  • “Before you yell Mom I can explain…”

and finally:

  • “You’ll never guess what I did today!”

And I wonder why I’m forced to color my grey hairs….

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Perfecting My Country Wave

waveNow that we’ve been on the farm for three months I have found myself falling back into and enjoying some of my forgotten “country habits”.  I find myself waking up to the sound of birds outside my window rather than garbage trucks. I didn’t even know I missed that. I once again sort my trash….okay…I didn’t really miss that.  I have need of a “mud room” now – no sidewalks.  I have even found myself liking one of the farm kittens recently added to our domain. (My husband is concerned that I’ve hit my head.) Yep….my farm roots are starting to poke out again.  For the most part it has been lots of fun rediscovering some of the things I forgot about.  One of my favorite things that I have found myself reclaiming is the “Country Wave.”

If you’ve ever driven down a gravel road in rural America you know what I’m talking about.  It’s the friendly gesture exchanged between drivers as they pass on the road.  Fortunately on most gravel roads you don’t pass a whole lot of people so you don’t wear yourself out waving.  Unfortunately, for the same reason,  you don’t get a lot of practice perfecting your wave.  That may sound silly until you understand the fact that there are different approaches to the country wave.  It isn’t easy to decide which one fits you best.  I’ll give you some examples:

  • The One Finger Wave.  Now don’t confuse this with the one finger wave you get on the interstate.   This is the wave that requires extending your index finger upward while passing another car.  Kind of a “I see you” sort of gesture.  It says, “Yo!” Simple. Concise. Doesn’t require much effort.  Seems kind of unfriendly to me but is a step above no wave at all.
  • The Hand Flash.  This is extending all of your fingers upward while keeping your palm on the steering wheel.  It’s a step above the one finger wave (10 steps above the interstate one finger wave).   The down side is that unless you drive with your hand on the top of the steering wheel (making all 10 and 2 driving instructors crazy) it is hard to execute.  Thankfully I never liked my driver’s training instructor much. (No – not you dad.  The one from school.)  This wave is friendlier. It say’s “Hey!”   If you are feeling more friendly than that you can execute…
  • The Finger Flick. This takes the wave from above but adds a little flick of the wrist to simulate a wave.  It sort of says, “Hey There!” rather than simply “Hey”.  If you are in a really good mood you can try…
  • The Finger Wiggle. This is when one takes the above wave and adds a ripple of the fingers. A “wave” of your fingers if you will. (Okay. That was bad.  I know that.)  The art of this wave is you still don’t take your hand off of the wheel, which is good advice on a gravel road.  This wave says, “Hey. Have a good day!”  Slightly friendlier than above without risking your life on loose gravel.  There are some who are brave though and might pull off…
  • The Salute.  Seriously. A salute.  I pass one older gentleman every day who gives me a formal salute.  I figure he is formal military.  Or he thinks it’s respectful. I am not brave enough to try it for a couple of reasons: 1 – I’m afraid I’ll salute wrong (never been in the military) and 2 – I like both hands on the wheel. (That was for you dad.) Also on my “no-no” list would be…
  • The real wave.  It is just that.  A wave. It says, “Hi. I’m insane enough to risk losing control of my car to wish you a good day.”  Those people make me a little nervous when I pass them.  Particularly in a “bend” in the road. I prefer going by people in full control when rounding a curve.  Just saying.

These are just the most common of the country waves around our area. There are of course many variations and twists to the classics.  It all is quite overwhelming when you have to sit down and figure out which gesture fits you best. (Assuming of course that you’ve already ruled out the one finger interstate wave.) Not a task to take lightly.  I don’t want to seem to unfriendly but then again I don’t want to wind up in the ditch.  After several months of thoughtful consideration and practice I finally have concluded that the finger wiggle fits me the best.  Just friendly enough to express myself without running the risk of hitting a rough patch of loose gravel without both hands on the wheel. Yep.  That’s me.  Simple and friendly with a dash of safety.  I’ve spent the last week or so expressing my friendliness with the finger wiggle and feeling my country roots growing.  It is fun to watch for the wave back. The one finger people (I’m still talking about the gravel road remember.  I don’t enjoy the interstate ones. Jerks!) the finger flickers and my saluting friends.  Some people don’t wave back.  I assume they must be “city-folk” cutting through and they don’t know the “rules.”  “Country-folk” are friendly after all and I am evidently becoming one of them.  I must be.  The other day I saw a car approaching and noticed the driver was giving me a full-armed-fingers-wiggling wave.  “Wow!” I thought, “I must be fitting in.  I must look like a friendly local person.”  For a moment I felt like I am finally where I belong.

Then I realized it was my brother….

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This Week’s Headlines #39

newspaper

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve perused the latest headlines and I have to admit that I’ve missed it. I’m not sure what it is about poking fun at some of the things that hit my browser news feed that is so therapeutic but it just is.  Join me in this week’s therapy….

  1. “No You Are Not Hallucinating” – Thanks. I feel better.
  2. “McDonald’s CEO Makes A Surprising Admission” – It isn’t really food…
  3. “Starbucks Toilet Water Coffee Sparks Anger” – I’d guess so. EW!
  4. “Mermaid Hoax Makes A Big Splash” – Hoax?? What?! They aren’t real?!?!  I suppose next you are going to tell me crabs don’t sing either.  Sigh….
  5. “Typo On Sign Spurs Bomb Threat” – Was that a sign for anger management classes??
  6. “You’re Probably Playing Monopoly Wrong” – Well of course I am. I want it to end.
  7. “This Is Not Another Cute Animal Video” – Oh shoot! I haven’t seen enough of them on Facebook lately.
  8. “Best Way To Win An Argument” – Don’t start one.
  9. “High School’s Unpleasant Surprise For Grads” – Your diploma  isn’t signed.
  10. “Top Fast Food Chains You Haven’t Heard Of Yet” – Huh?  How did they get to the top if no one has heard of them?  That’s amazing!
  11. “The Food You Are Eating May Be From China” – Perfect! Then after I eat it and gain weight it’ll be at home in my clothes.
  12. “Prancercise: The Most Amazing Workout” – Prancercise?? There is a great mental image….
  13. “Simpson Looks Ready To Give Birth” – Well that is kind of rude.
  14. “H&M Apologizes: Models Have Been To Skinny” – Well it’s about time!
  15. “The Secret To Jennifer Aniston’s Fit Body” – She works out?
  16. “What Your Coffee Order Says About You” – I’m addicted?
  17. “Hidden Benefits Of Healthy Habits” – Ummm…gonna go out on a limb here…you are healthy?
  18. “Grumpy Cat Starring In A Movie” – Didn’t they already make Garfield?  Twice Already?
  19. “Can You Tell Who Is A Soda Addict And Who Is The Meth Addict?” – I would hope so.  I’ve heard of being hopped up on sugar, but….
  20. “Dangerous Braids That Can Tangle In Brains And Veins” – Dangerous Braids?  As much as I love them I gotta go with Butter Braids.  Well for my veins anyway….

I’m not sure if this one scares me or makes me laugh….

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It’s Wednesday! Wondering Where I’ve Been??

WonderingWednesday

It feels like it has been forever since I actually sat down and played in the blogosphere.  Where in the world has the time gone and how did I get so neglectful I wonder?  Oh…I know. Kid graduating 100 miles away.  End of the school year and the start of summer activities. Shift from a part-time job to a now full time job complete with overtime hours. Yardwork between rain (and snow!) storms.  Okay so I’ve been busy.  Busy enough it makes me wonder….

  1. Does the fact that I find myself wanting to run into other cars on the interstate simply on principle mean that I am showing early signs of road rage or does it just mean I’m now a “big city” commuter?
  2. Why do things that sound like they are going to be simple turn out to be a ridiculous amount of work?  Mini cupcakes for a graduation party? Simple enough: easy to bake…easy to frost. For your family.  When using one cake mix.  750 cupcakes later it hit me that I’m not working (or baking) with a full deck.
  3. Just how long will mini cupcakes keep in the freezer anyway?  Note to self: next graduation – fewer cupcakes – more salsa dip.
  4. Who invented the trombone?  Our youngest had his first music lesson yesterday and I must remember to send a thank you to the trombone’s inventor.  And his music teacher for picking it out for him.
  5. How many times do you think I can get away with, “Why don’t you go play for Grandma so she can see how good you are getting”?  I seriously thought something was having a terrible accident in my house last night.
  6. Last year we were headed in a drought.  This year we are getting rained (and stormed) upon every day. “Climate change”? Why don’t we call it what it really is: “We can’t predict nor control the weather so we have to come up with a name to blame it on”?
  7. If I promise to feel guilty every time I blast my hairspray can we give it a rest?  I remember the weather being this weird when I was little.  Really…
  8. Is it just me or is it ironic that last year at this time when I was doing battle with our overgrown yard I was dreaming of moving to a house with less yard work and this year I am living on a farm?  In case you were wondering: yes – that is the definition of ironic.
  9. Why does gardening always sound so much better in theory than in practice?  My everything hurts….and we aren’t done.
  10. I drove by a convoy (seriously – 5 trucks) painted with the logo “Port-O-Pots”.  Really?  That’s the best name they could come up with?? I don’t even want to know where they were going….

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Happy mid-week all!

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