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This Week’s Headlines #41


Oh what a week it’s been.  In news of my life I’d like to introduce our new family member Lola:


For those of you who remember this blog I posted when our old dog passed away, I told you eventually I’d want another dog.   We adopted our new sweet girl from the Nebraska Humane Society.  She’s already getting us trained.  Despite the excitement and the fact that I don’t want to quit petting her I did manage to find some time to read this week’s news and laugh. A lot.

  1. “Woman Frantic Costly Over Garage Sale Mistake” – Someone should have warned her that old vacuum wasn’t worth $250 nor does it work.
  2. “Deep Sea Trash like You’ve Never Seen Before” – Well since I haven’t hung out at the bottom of the ocean I don’t think I’ve ever seen any before.
  3. “Where Your Car Is Most Likely To be Stolen” – In public?
  4. “Beardless Brother Joins ‘Duck Dynasty’ Cast” – Are we sure it isn’t a sister??
  5. “If You Have These Habits You Might Get Hacked” –  Shopping on-line?Going on-line?  Logging into your computer?
  6. “NFL: Almost Enough Arrests To Form A Team” – Well they’ll need something to do during rec time.
  7. “Farmer Feeds Pot To Pigs” – Maybe he wanted them to quit squealing.
  8. “New ‘Terminator’ Movie Announced” – Oh good. I was just wondering when they’d resurrect that one. Now all we need is the “Back To The Future” people to get busy. Oh and the karate Kid to have a grandchild…
  9. “100 Year Old Woman Hits Another Milestone” – Because the century mark wasn’t good enough?
  10. “Summer Fashions That Flatter Fuller Figures” – Please don’t let the words “two piece” be in that article!
  11. “Bad News For Starbucks Baristas” – Menu expansion….again?
  12. “Airlines With The Best WiFi” – Yeah forget safety records. I want to know which plane will let me play Candy Crush.
  13. “Are You Sure You Want That Hamburger” – Ummm….yeah!
  14. “Food Ingredient That Is Aging Your Face” – Lemon?
  15. “New Fast Food Trend Is All About The Buns” – You mean how big ours are getting eating there?
  16. “Horse Fossil Yields Surprising Find” – Oh please don’t let this be another ancient poop story.
  17. “Obtaining a Home Loan may Be Getting Easier” – Isn’t this what caused the last problem?  Do we not learn from our mistakes?
  18. “Who Says Cars Can’t Swim” – Well no one.  We just call them boats.
  19. “School Lunches To Be Overhauled” – While I’d wholeheartedly endorse that….I’ll bet money no matter what they do the lunches will still be gross.
  20. “Dairy Queen Implements Employee Wellness Program” – Because all those High School students are out of shape? Ice Cream…wellness…sounds right to me!

And from the “Hey why didn’t I think of that?!” file:


Happy Weekend All!!


This Week’s Headlines #40


WOW!  We’ve made it to 40!  This milestone makes me much happier referring to the number of headline posts I’ve made than it did when it referred to my age – just saying.  Thanks to all my favorite readers for hanging with my craziness for forty posts.  You’d think I’d run out of sarcasm eventually wouldn’t you? Let me assure you as long as I breathe I will be able to pick apart headlines.  It’s like a life game for me….

  1. “Former Contestants: Miss USA Contestants Are Too Skinny This Year” – Because you all exuded such health and body fat before? Jealous much?
  2. “Sight That Motivated The Heat To Comeback Win” – The scoreboard?
  3. “Mariah Carey Flaunts Barely-There Beach Wear” –  This is news?  Doesn’t she do that like every day?
  4. “Where Teens Are Flocking Instead Of Facebook” – Someplace their parents can’t see what they are doing.
  5. “Rihanna Hits Fan With Microphone” – I guess it’s a good idea to stay out of her way.  She learned from the best after all….
  6. “Ten National Parks You Didn’t Know Existed” – I’m going to venture a guess there are a few more than that.
  7. “How To Fold A Shirt in Two Seconds” – Incorrectly. (and I’m hoping my kids didn’t read this one!)
  8. “Man Wrestles Rampaging Bull To The Ground” – Bored?  Need to reassure yourself of your viral manliness? WOW!
  9. “Car Jumps Curb In NYC” – Again…this is news?  Happens every day around here.
  10. “NASA Wants Your Help To Stop Killer Asteroids” – Great! Be right there!!
  11. “Why Are Some People This Bad At Singing?” – I’m not positive of the whole reason but alcohol is usually a contributing factor.
  12. “Are you Boiling Potatoes The Wrong Way?”  There’s a wrong way? As long as it involves boiling water and potatoes I’d say you are on the right track.
  13. “U.S. Not Equipped To Battle Zombies In A Movie” – What? We’ve forgotten how to hit the off button??
  14. “Could You Eat A Burrito The Size Of A Baby?” – Why would I want to?!?
  15. “Half a Million For 480 Square Foot House” – Somebody is a sucker.
  16. “What Is He Really Thinking During Bikini Season” – If he’s smart…nothing.
  17. “Ancient Toilet Reveals Parasites In Crusader’Poop” – Okay…1 – EW!  2-Why did are looking for them? Or anything else in there?  3- Is anyone really surprised by this? 4-EW!!!!!!!!!!!!
  18. “Is It Time To Retire?” – Oh I wish!
  19. “Is Sugar In Fruit Better For you Than Other Sugar?” – Maybe…but it isn’t as much fun.
  20. ” ‘Dumb And Dumber To’ Is Saved From Chopping Block” – More proof that some things shouldn’t be saved….

And from the “DUH!” file:

casket-headlineHappy Weekend All!!

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This Week’s Headlines #39


It’s been a few weeks since I’ve perused the latest headlines and I have to admit that I’ve missed it. I’m not sure what it is about poking fun at some of the things that hit my browser news feed that is so therapeutic but it just is.  Join me in this week’s therapy….

  1. “No You Are Not Hallucinating” – Thanks. I feel better.
  2. “McDonald’s CEO Makes A Surprising Admission” – It isn’t really food…
  3. “Starbucks Toilet Water Coffee Sparks Anger” – I’d guess so. EW!
  4. “Mermaid Hoax Makes A Big Splash” – Hoax?? What?! They aren’t real?!?!  I suppose next you are going to tell me crabs don’t sing either.  Sigh….
  5. “Typo On Sign Spurs Bomb Threat” – Was that a sign for anger management classes??
  6. “You’re Probably Playing Monopoly Wrong” – Well of course I am. I want it to end.
  7. “This Is Not Another Cute Animal Video” – Oh shoot! I haven’t seen enough of them on Facebook lately.
  8. “Best Way To Win An Argument” – Don’t start one.
  9. “High School’s Unpleasant Surprise For Grads” – Your diploma  isn’t signed.
  10. “Top Fast Food Chains You Haven’t Heard Of Yet” – Huh?  How did they get to the top if no one has heard of them?  That’s amazing!
  11. “The Food You Are Eating May Be From China” – Perfect! Then after I eat it and gain weight it’ll be at home in my clothes.
  12. “Prancercise: The Most Amazing Workout” – Prancercise?? There is a great mental image….
  13. “Simpson Looks Ready To Give Birth” – Well that is kind of rude.
  14. “H&M Apologizes: Models Have Been To Skinny” – Well it’s about time!
  15. “The Secret To Jennifer Aniston’s Fit Body” – She works out?
  16. “What Your Coffee Order Says About You” – I’m addicted?
  17. “Hidden Benefits Of Healthy Habits” – Ummm…gonna go out on a limb here…you are healthy?
  18. “Grumpy Cat Starring In A Movie” – Didn’t they already make Garfield?  Twice Already?
  19. “Can You Tell Who Is A Soda Addict And Who Is The Meth Addict?” – I would hope so.  I’ve heard of being hopped up on sugar, but….
  20. “Dangerous Braids That Can Tangle In Brains And Veins” – Dangerous Braids?  As much as I love them I gotta go with Butter Braids.  Well for my veins anyway….

I’m not sure if this one scares me or makes me laugh….


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This Week’s Headlines #38


This week’s news at the home front is that I’m exhausted. Wait that isn’t really news. Because of the busyness I haven’t had much time to peruse the news. I am making no promises about the quality of this week’s post.  Tired also makes me a bit loopy.  Just saying. Okay, disclaimer done, here goes….the stuff that caught my tired eyes this week:

  1. “Idol Judge Quits” – This is news? Doesn’t this happen every season?
  2. “Parenting Practice May Make Kids Depressed” – Well then I’ve done my job haven’t I?
  3. “Who Does Megan Fox’s Body Double Look Like?” – Ummmm…..Megan Fox? Just a guess.
  4. “Miley’s ‘Terrifying” Encounter” – She found a mirror?
  5. “Man Hitchhikes Around The World” – One has to wonder how he got to Hawaii….
  6. “Appalling New York City Rooms For Rent” – Is this supposed to help get them rented?
  7. “Five Degrees For People Who Don’t Like School” – Brought to you from the University of McDonalds.
  8. “How J-Lo’s Boyfriend ‘Out-divas’ Her” – Now that is impressive.  A 20-something diva boy toy.  His mom must be so proud.
  9. “Inmate Uses Spoon To Break Out Of Jail” – That’s a lot of digging.
  10. “Simple Design Tricks From A Mansion Makeover.” – I’ll be sure to write those down for when I get my next mansion.
  11. “Twitter Enabled Diapers” – Are they kidding? I need a tweet when the baby’s diaper needs to be changed.
  12. “Kick Me Prank Ends In Felony Conviction” – I wonder what the statute of limitations is on that one.  I know several people who might want to hide.
  13. “Landlord Mistakes Tenets Tomato Plants For Pot And Calls Cops” – Because they look so much alike.  Must have been faster than filing eviction papers.
  14. “Woman Slaps Deputy So She Can Go To Jail And Quit Smoking” – Okay – wow!  You’d think with that much creativity she could have figured out a way to fancy up those patches so no one would notice them….
  15. “Woman Accidentally Shot In Mouth With Harpoon” – Who keeps a harpoon lying around??
  16. “Rodman To Kim: ‘Do Me A Solid And Free American'” – I really really hope Dennis checked to see how that translated before he said it.
  17. “Woman Seeks Home For World War 2 Letters Found In Hatbox” – They had a home.  The hat box. Duh!
  18. “Houston Braces For Giant Snail Invasion” – Is this a really bad B-grade horror flick?  Are the snails giant or is the invasion giant?
  19. “Off-stage Drama Dominates American Idol” – It dominates on stage too doesn’t it?
  20. “Carter Named Most Trusted Politician” – Like that is saying much. Is that kind of like being the nicest grumpy old lady on the block?

Here’s a case of an unfortunate last name….

funny-headlines-gone-wrong-20Happy Weekend All!!

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This Week’s Headlines #37


The big news around here this week was May Day.  More specifically the snow that fell on May Day and turned the roads into a slushy icy mess.  On May Day.  That means it snowed in May.  That isn’t exactly conducive to leaving fun flowery baskets and running off before you get caught. You’ll slip and fall down. I may live in Nebraska but this is unusual even for here.  Unusual enough that it caused our oldest daughter to text me: “Ok seriously.  Mother Nature is on CRACK!” Personally I think it’s global warming.  Wait….climate change.  That’s what we call it now.  Last year at this time it had been spring for two months already and we were headed into a drought.  This year it’s snowing in May and we can’t keep enough washer fluid in the cars to combat the precipitation falling from the sky.  I wouldn’t mind climate change so much if it would just pick a climate to change to.  In other news….

  1. “What To Major In If You Want To Get Rich” – Dating only children of multi-millionaires.
  2. “Worker Dies In Blender” – What?  Was he working at Charlie’s Chocolate Factory?
  3. “Meet The New Cinderella” – I’ve never actually met the old one.
  4. “Why LL Cool J Kept One Pant Leg Rolled Up” – Dog with an over active bladder?  Seems as logical as any other explanation.
  5. “Bikini Made Of Metal” – Oh now there is a great idea.  Go swimming in a lead suit.  Brilliant!
  6. “Can A Lack Of Friends Shorten Your Life” – I have no idea but I know I’ve had a few “friends” who have made me wish life was shorter.
  7. “See Bubba From Forest Gump Today” – What are they talking about? Bubba died!
  8. “Seven Things You Should Never Buy Used” #1 – gum.  #2 – underwear…..
  9. “Serious Benefits Of Late Night Eating” – You don’t sleepwalk to the kitchen?  Less grumpy at bedtime?
  10. “Freak Accident Forces College QB To Retire” –  Retire from college?  And aren’t all accidents ‘freak”?  Does anyone plan accidents?
  11. “Five Dying Careers You Should Avoid” – Well snow plow driver isn’t on the list.  This year anyway.
  12. “Tim Tebow Doesn’t Interest Dolphins” – Neither do I.  Your point?
  13. “What If Barbie Looked Like A Real Woman?” – Her clothes wouldn’t fit and she could never walk in those shoes.
  14. “Kim Kardasion Freaks Out At Beauty Salon” – Just wait until she gets to the delivery room.
  15. “Dramatic Bee Disappearance Explained” – Bug spray?
  16. “Former Boy Band Member’s Advice” – Hair gel doesn’t work on bald spots?
  17. “Warren Buffet Sends His First Tweet” – Oh please.  I’m sure he has someone to do that for him.
  18. “Vouge’s Guide To Affordable Fashion” – Affordable for whom? Your models?
  19. “Shoplifter Argues: The Store Is Named Finders Keepers” – Okay that one is actually pretty cleaver.  Bet it didn’t work but he should get time off for creativity.
  20. “How To Read Food Labels” – With a dictionary.  Wait is monosodyliglucomine in the dictionary?  Maybe invite a scientist over…

And from my “Ya Think?!” file:

Photo Credit:

Photo Credit:

I’d imagine he had pain in several places….

Happy Weekend All!!

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This Week’s Headlines – #36


Ahhh…finally Friday my friends.  Warm weather weekend headed our way here in Nebraska – now that is news!  I’m quite sure the size of the weeds in the yard will also make the news this weekend…unless of course I get myself out there to battle a few of them.  Not exactly good news but I’ll take it if it means I can pack my sweaters away.  Elsewhere this week:

  1. “Woman Calls Police After Discovering 30 lbs Of Drugs Under Her Car” – You’d think the gas mileage would have clued her in sooner.
  2. “Duchess Finally Looks Pregnant” – Oh for pity sake. We really have nothing better to do than stalk the woman and take pictures of her stomach?  I sure would have enjoyed that.
  3. “Simple Move To Sculpt A Washboard Stomach” – Away from the table? Hate to be a skeptic but…nothing with the words “sculpt” and “stomach” used together is ever simple.
  4. “‘Dirty’ Fruit Can Make You Sick” – ummmm….so can dirty anything else. Duh!
  5. “Blue Lipstick Looks Good On” – If you are attracted to corpses.
  6. “Is Facebook Game Fad Over” – One can only hope!
  7. “WWE Twins Land Role On Reality Television” – Didn’t they already do that?
  8. “Woman Told She Is Too Overweight To Tan” – Huh?  Because the sun isn’t big enough to reach all of her at once??
  9. “Where The Rich Are Stashing Their Cash Now” – Well….maybe not after this article hit the internet.
  10. “Is The McDonald’s Value Menu Too Cheap?” – Isn’t that the point?  How much can one really expect someone to pay for that stuff anyway?
  11. “SmartCar’s New Head Turner” –  You can turn your head in one of those things?!?
  12. “Baffling Find In NY River” – A fish?
  13. “Former Lingerie Model Felt Like ‘A Piece Of Meat'” – Well DUH!  You didn’t think they hired you for your brain did you?
  14. “House Flippers Can’t Unload Castle” – Did they really think there was a big market for those?
  15. “Seven Things Wealthy People Know” – Their pin numbers.
  16. “How To Get A Bikini Body In Four Weeks” – Rent one?
  17. “What To Do Id You Can’t Pay Your Mortgage” – Buy a smaller house?
  18. “Airline Promotes In-Flight Flirting” – Great news for the wives at home while their husbands are on business trips.
  19. “Police Find Drugs On Bieber’s Bus” – Insert collective gasp of (sarcastic) disbelief.  You’d think that at the very least drugs would make his voice change….
  20. “When A $131 Million Divorce Payment Isn’t Enough” – You really need to reevaluate your lifestyle.

And yet another one from the “HUH?!?” file:

house arrest

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This Week’s Headlines #35


There was so much sad news this week I was hesitant to post this blog.  I decided to go ahead with my weekly poke at news despite my reservations. If this offends you I apologize – that wasn’t my intent.  My intent was to inject a little humor into a long week of sad news.  Here’s hoping for happier headlines in the weeks to come.  Happy Friday all!

  1. “Billionaire Wins Wine Fight” – Wonder if there was caviar involved?
  2. “Millions Of Wasps Found In Abandoned Home” – That would be because occupied homes have Raid.
  3. “3 Arrested After Police Follow Footprints” – They obviously didn’t watch “Criminal Minds’ before they robbed the store did they?
  4. “Circus Elephant Shot In Drive-by Shooting” – Who does a drive by at a circus? And all they could hit was an elephant?  Not impressive.
  5. “Man Writes Resignation Letter On A Cake” – Did he work at a bakery?  Hoping that they’ll pay his unused vacation?  Wish I’d have thought of that.
  6. “Why Bradly Cooper Lives With His Mom” – Because he can. Duh!
  7. “The Worst Thing You Can Have On A Resume” – ‘Fired’
  8. “Town Bans Style Of Pants” – One can only hope that they are the ones with the crotch that hangs between the knees and waistband half down the butt.
  9. “Disgusting Mess Left In Hotel Room By NFL Hopeful” – Well duh!  He’s a football player.  They aren’t known for being tidy.
  10. “Pope Supports Crackdown On U.S. Nuns” – Finally someone read all those letters written in parochial school study hall.
  11. “Why We Really Don’t Want Low Every Day Prices” – Speak for yourselves people.
  12. “Kat Von D’s Unusual Wedding Theme” – what a surprise because she’s so normal….
  13. “Good News For Tiger Woods After Loss” – Everyone likes his new girlfriend?
  14. “Swallowed Ring Recovered By Police” – I don’t wanna know.
  15. “Judge Fines Himself For Using Cell Phone In Court Room” – That’ll teach him to hit “silent”!  Wonder if he’ll appeal to himself too.
  16. “Snacks That Help You Burn Body Fat” – I’m guessing chocolate chip cookies didn’t make the list. Darn!
  17. “How To Rescue Your Wet Phone” – Well there went that plot to upgrade before I really needed to….
  18. “Gross Facts About Food Enhancer” – Does anyone else remember when we could blissfully eat food completely unaware that it was going to kill us?  I miss that.
  19. “CEO Gives $3.6 Million Bonus To Employees” – Sure tell me that now that I already found a job.
  20. “Toning Exercises You Can Do In The Living Room” – Remote lifting?  My arms should be super-toned by now.

And in honor of “tax week” a little reminder of how well our money is spent:




This Week’s Headlines #34


Ahhh…the end of the work week has arrived.  Though my head is swimming with learning how to do my job and I find myself exhausted in the evenings I still managed to find a few interesting things to share. Well….I thought they were interesting.  Happy Friday everyone!

  1. “Beaver Kills Man” – And everyone thought that Eddie Haskill was the one who was going to end up in jail…
  2. “Why Wearing A Bra May Be Bad For You” – Hmmmmm….try “why not wearing one might be bad for others’.
  3. “McDonald’s Apologizes For Offensive Ad” – Now if we could just get them to apologize for offensive food.
  4. “Octomom Dresses Up As Angelina Jolie” – This woman’s 15 seconds of fame isn’t up yet?  Oh…wait…it must be.  Now she’s trying to use someone else’s….
  5. “Big Wave Surprises Woman” – See – all it takes is one small act of kindness.
  6. “Ten Items Every House Should Have” – Well I’d think a roof, doors and windows would top the list….
  7. “Woman Fights Parking Ticket Fine For The Ages” – They can ticket you for driving an old car now?
  8. “What’s Missing From The New Superman Movie?” – A plot?  Well…I mean a plot that hasn’t already been done.
  9. “Botox Messes Up Paltrow’s Face” – Well…yeah.  Injecting the stuff that causes botulism into your face will do that.
  10. “Lawsuit Caused In Golf Cart Accident” – Don’t mess up a golfer’s game!
  11. “Secret Story Behind Gilligan’s Theme” – There’s a secret behind it?  It always seemed pretty straight forward to me.
  12. “Alternatives To Cable” – A book? Going for a walk? Having a life?
  13. “$2.6 Million Convertible Sets Speed Record” – For that price it better do more than get me a ticket.  It better come with a chauffeur.
  14. “Want To Avoid Airport Lines?” – Drive?
  15. “Father Builds Backyard Spaceship” – Wasn’t that a movie?  Oh…wait…that was a farmer and he built it in the barn.  Never mind.
  16. “Lucky Belt Buckle Stops Bullet” – I bet you feel bad for making fun of those huge belt buckles now don’t you? They aren’t just for showing off rodeo championships any more!
  17. “5 Realistic Reasons Women Cheat” – Realistic reasons?? Seriously?  Let’s call them what they are: excuses.
  18. “Men Really Don’t Like Brazilian Bikini Waxes Survey Shows” – Well I don’t know about you but I’m relieved.  I’ll take that right off my “to do” list.
  19. “The 7 Most Common French Toast Mistakes” – French toast mistakes? How does anyone screw up french toast? Dip the bread in egg and fry it. It isn’t rocket science.
  20. “Are Carnival Cruises Cheaper Than A Motel 6?” – I’m guessing they are now.  Of course Motel 6’s have working plumbing…you have to pay for those extras you know.

Warning: Do not read this one if you are eating!

Makes you want to run out to the nearest all you can eat place doesn’t it??


This Week’s Headlines #33


Ah…back to the news!  Now mind you that we are sporadic in our ability to view trending news on the internet as of yet but here are a few nuggets I discovered this week.  Enjoy….It’s good to be back!

  1. “Store Yanks See-Through Yoga Pants” – That’s okay. Everyone yanks at their yoga pants at one point or another.
  2. “Obama Sends Private Letter To Pope” – Confession is good for the soul…
  3. “What Those Sell-by Dates Really Mean” – I’m going to go out on a limb and guess they mean ‘sell-by’.
  4. “Pope’s First Phone Call Mistaken As A Prank” – It was bound to happen. Who is going to believe, “Hi! Guess what Mom? I’m the pope!”
  5. “Dishwasher Do’s and Don’ts” – #1 DO put your own dishes in it. #2 DON’T expect Mom to do it….
  6. “Extinct Animals Scientists Want To Bring Back” – Did they ever consider that they are extinct for a reason?? Great. We need more dinosaurs around here….
  7. “Ice Cube Designs To Make Your Drinks Cooler” – Ummm…don’t all ice cubes make your drink cooler??
  8. “Scientists Eye Odd Use For Snail Teeth” – Snails have teeth??  What are they used for now??
  9. “School Asks Students To Cut Back On Body Spray” – They just thought of this? Why wasn’t I born 25 years later? I could have avoided all those days of “Polo-haze” in high school.
  10. “Scotland May Allow Jedi To Perform Marriage Ceremonies” – ‘Pronounce you man and wife, I do.’
  11. “Wanted: Scammer Who Squatted In Upscale Homes For 5 Years” – Do you really think she’s going to respond to a personal ad?
  12. “Burglar Tracked By Pickax Bar Code” – That’ll teach you to remove the tags from your crime tools.
  13. “Washington State Hires First ‘Pot Czar'” – His mother must be so proud.  You kind of have to wonder what he majored in….
  14. “Colleges Say Federal Cuts Could Cause Brain Drain” – That’s a pretty deep cut.
  15. “Biden Takes Over The Vatican” – I didn’t even know he was Catholic.
  16. “Vonn/Woods Announce Relationship On Facebook” – Well then it must be official.
  17. “Wild Foxes As House Pets” – That’s a fabulous idea.  If your chickens keep getting in the house….
  18. “Spring Break Danger: Binge Drinking” – ‘Slow News Day Danger: Stories that make you say DUH!’
  19. “Elephant Dung Coffee: Smooth, Rich, Expensive” – Which just proves that idiots will waste money on…okay I’ll stop there.
  20. “See Lindsay Lohan’s Sixth Mugshot” – Because it’s better than the first five?  Get a life people.

And because spring is just around the corner, here is a reminder for you:

Photo Credit:


This Week’s Headlines #32


This is a special news bulletin: today’s post is not “live” so today’s headlines are sort of old news.  I’m trusting auto-publish to take care of my weekly news post while I finish last minute packing, loading and, most likely,  having a nervous break down.  Forgive the lack of “freshness” today….hopefully I’ll be back with new stuff next week.  Providing I can remember which box the computer went into.  Happy Weekend All!

  1. ” ‘In America You Have The Right To Be Stupid’ ” – Obviously…but do we need to be so proud of that?
  2. “Mistakes Parents Make When Feeding Kids” – They really do know that you are hiding those green beans in their sandwich.
  3. “17 Top-Secret Corporate Labs” – I guess they aren’t so top secret any more.
  4. “What Will The Pope Wear In Retirement?” – Whatever he wants?  I image a robe and slippers for a few days…oh…wait….
  5. “Food Stamps…For Pets?” – Well why not?  Pets are people too. Or something like that.
  6. “Missed Diagnoses Common In The Doctor’s Office” – They are also common in the Monday morning ladies Bible study.  Or my mother’s house.  Or….
  7. “Famous Song Lyrics We Always Get Wrong” – Louie Louie?  Yeah…have to post it:
  8. “Study: Having Boys Shaves Months Off Your Life” –  Well DUH!  You could have paid me and I would have told you that.
  9. “Heroic Man Builds Oreo Separator Machine” – Heroic?  Because it is so difficult to get those suckers twisted apart I guess.
  10. “Dog Shoots Owner In The Leg” – Must have been a guard dog….
  11. “TV Show Host Faints While Teaching Importance Of Oxygen” – There is nothing like a good object lesson to drive home a point.
  12. “Man Arrested After Calling 911 Nine Times To Order A Cheeseburger” – I guess he was having a Mac-attack.
  13. “Why Cable TV Has So Many Useless Channels” – Useless?  I don’t know about you but I find the Brazilian Butt Lift channel very useful.
  14. “How To Pay Zero Federal Income Taxes” – Don’t file?  Works until they catch you anyway.
  15. “Audrey Hepburn Resurrected For A New Commercial” – Okay Oil of Olay, I don’t care how good you think your product is there are just some people it isn’t going to help.
  16. “Why Your Video Isn’t Going Viral” – Because nobody else really cares how amazing you think your kids are?
  17. “Poem’s Clues Lead To Buried Treasure” – Didn’t they make this into a movie?  Wait. That was ancient native american tablets hidden in a couple desks.  Never mind.
  18. “Players Strange Tattoo Injury” – Wait.  He got injured from the tattoo, because of the tattoo or while getting the tattoo?
  19. “Controversial Ingredient May Be Added To Milk” – Well the world MAY also end tomorrow but I don’t see us trying to get people to panic over that.
  20. “With No Pope Catholic Church Leaderless For Now” – I’m so glad they explained that.  I was confused.

And while we are in the category of “News Articles That Really Shouldn’t Need To Be Written”:

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