This Week’s Headlines #33

Ah…back to the news!  Now mind you that we are sporadic in our ability to view trending news on the internet as of yet but here are a few nuggets I discovered this week.  Enjoy….It’s good to be back!

1. “Store Yanks See-Through Yoga Pants” – That’s okay. Everyone yanks at their yoga pants at one point or another.
2. “Obama Sends Private Letter To Pope” – Confession is good for the soul…
3. “What Those Sell-by Dates Really Mean” – I’m going to go out on a limb and guess they mean ‘sell-by’.
4. “Pope’s First Phone Call Mistaken As A Prank” – It was bound to happen. Who is going to believe, “Hi! Guess what Mom? I’m the pope!”
5. “Dishwasher Do’s and Don’ts” – #1 DO put your own dishes in it. #2 DON’T expect Mom to do it….
6. “Extinct Animals Scientists Want To Bring Back” – Did they ever consider that they are extinct for a reason?? Great. We need more dinosaurs around here….
7. “Ice Cube Designs To Make Your Drinks Cooler” – Ummm…don’t all ice cubes make your drink cooler??
8. “Scientists Eye Odd Use For Snail Teeth” – Snails have teeth??  What are they used for now??
9. “School Asks Students To Cut Back On Body Spray” – They just thought of this? Why wasn’t I born 25 years later? I could have avoided all those days of “Polo-haze” in high school.
10. “Scotland May Allow Jedi To Perform Marriage Ceremonies” – ‘Pronounce you man and wife, I do.’
11. “Wanted: Scammer Who Squatted In Upscale Homes For 5 Years” – Do you really think she’s going to respond to a personal ad?
12. “Burglar Tracked By Pickax Bar Code” – That’ll teach you to remove the tags from your crime tools.
13. “Washington State Hires First ‘Pot Czar'” – His mother must be so proud.  You kind of have to wonder what he majored in….
14. “Colleges Say Federal Cuts Could Cause Brain Drain” – That’s a pretty deep cut.
15. “Biden Takes Over The Vatican” – I didn’t even know he was Catholic.
16. “Vonn/Woods Announce Relationship On Facebook” – Well then it must be official.
17. “Wild Foxes As House Pets” – That’s a fabulous idea.  If your chickens keep getting in the house….
18. “Spring Break Danger: Binge Drinking” – ‘Slow News Day Danger: Stories that make you say DUH!’
19. “Elephant Dung Coffee: Smooth, Rich, Expensive” – Which just proves that idiots will waste money on…okay I’ll stop there.
20. “See Lindsay Lohan’s Sixth Mugshot” – Because it’s better than the first five?  Get a life people.

And because spring is just around the corner, here is a reminder for you:

Photo Credit: unintentionally-funny-headlines.com