This Week’s Headlines #40

WOW!  We’ve made it to 40!  This milestone makes me much happier referring to the number of headline posts I’ve made than it did when it referred to my age – just saying.  Thanks to all my favorite readers for hanging with my craziness for forty posts.  You’d think I’d run out of sarcasm eventually wouldn’t you? Let me assure you as long as I breathe I will be able to pick apart headlines.  It’s like a life game for me….

1. “Former Contestants: Miss USA Contestants Are Too Skinny This Year” – Because you all exuded such health and body fat before? Jealous much?
2. “Sight That Motivated The Heat To Comeback Win” – The scoreboard?
3. “Mariah Carey Flaunts Barely-There Beach Wear” –  This is news?  Doesn’t she do that like every day?
4. “Where Teens Are Flocking Instead Of Facebook” – Someplace their parents can’t see what they are doing.
5. “Rihanna Hits Fan With Microphone” – I guess it’s a good idea to stay out of her way.  She learned from the best after all….
6. “Ten National Parks You Didn’t Know Existed” – I’m going to venture a guess there are a few more than that.
7. “How To Fold A Shirt in Two Seconds” – Incorrectly. (and I’m hoping my kids didn’t read this one!)
8. “Man Wrestles Rampaging Bull To The Ground” – Bored?  Need to reassure yourself of your viral manliness? WOW!
9. “Car Jumps Curb In NYC” – Again…this is news?  Happens every day around here.
10. “NASA Wants Your Help To Stop Killer Asteroids” – Great! Be right there!!
11. “Why Are Some People This Bad At Singing?” – I’m not positive of the whole reason but alcohol is usually a contributing factor.
12. “Are you Boiling Potatoes The Wrong Way?”  There’s a wrong way? As long as it involves boiling water and potatoes I’d say you are on the right track.
13. “U.S. Not Equipped To Battle Zombies In A Movie” – What? We’ve forgotten how to hit the off button??
14. “Could You Eat A Burrito The Size Of A Baby?” – Why would I want to?!?
15. “Half a Million For 480 Square Foot House” – Somebody is a sucker.
16. “What Is He Really Thinking During Bikini Season” – If he’s smart…nothing.
17. “Ancient Toilet Reveals Parasites In Crusader’Poop” – Okay…1 – EW!  2-Why did are looking for them? Or anything else in there?  3- Is anyone really surprised by this? 4-EW!!!!!!!!!!!!
18. “Is It Time To Retire?” – Oh I wish!
19. “Is Sugar In Fruit Better For you Than Other Sugar?” – Maybe…but it isn’t as much fun.
20. ” ‘Dumb And Dumber To’ Is Saved From Chopping Block” – More proof that some things shouldn’t be saved….

And from the “DUH!” file:

Happy Weekend All!!

This Week’s Headlines – #26

Once the dust settled from Monday’s inauguration and all those fascinating articles drifted to the back of my internet news browser (Does anyone really care who designed anyone’s clothes? Yes – I know. The designers care.) and everyone decided they really don’t care if a football player from Notre Dame lied about a girlfriend there were some really great news tidbits this week. Happy Friday Friends!

1. “Don’t Talk About Your Love Life Here” – please let this article be about Facebook.  Oh please oh please oh please!!
2. “Annual ‘Food-Porn’ List Published” – What list???? I don’t even want to know the qualifications for this one.
3. “Woman Crashed Train Into House” – How close to the train tracks does the house need to be for this to happen? Talk about living on the wrong side of the tracks.
4. “Robot Baby Expresses Human Emotion” – Ah yes….but it still has an “off” button.
5. “Giant Goldfish Caught” – How in the world did he escape his bowl?
6. “Michael J. Fox Would Not Approve Of Son Dating Swift” – Well what parent in their right mind would?  I don’t know about anyone else but I don’t enjoy listening to my son being trashed by a bitter person.
7. “Teacher Has Phobia Of Kids” – That ought to be a fun classroom.
8. “Do Your Clothes Send The Wrong Message?” – Now that would depend. If the message is “it is really really cold out” – then no.
9. “8 Medication Mistakes Parents Make” – #1 – Buying “non-drowsy”…..
10. “Could You Beat This Ex-NBA Bench Warmer?” – With what? If it’s on a long enough stick so I can reach his head – you bet.
11. “10 Things Never To Say To Your Boss.” – #1 – “That isn’t my job.”  #2 – “Wow. You look cranky today.” #3 – “What does the handbook say about mental abuse?”….
12. “Bucket Burglar Caught” – Oh I am so relieved. I can take my buckets out of the safe now.
13. “Men Take On Excruciating Pain Of Child Birth” – They are kidding right?  I don’t care what they do to simulate it, if you don’t have the correct parts it isn’t the same thing.  Quit trying to make them “get it.”
14. “Woman In Photo Speaks” – I bet that startled someone! “My wallet is talking….”
15. “U.S. Not In Top Ten Happiest Most Prosperous Countries” – This is news?  Look around. Not hard to figure out.
16. “Cold Weather Style Tips” – Layers. Layers. Layers.
17. “What Americans Lose By Sitting In Traffic” – Their minds? Duh.
18. “NASA Beams Mona Lisa To The Moon” – Museum get tired of paying for security? Well I guess no one will steal her there.
19. “Bank Informs Man He Passed Away” – Do you ever feel like you are always the last one to know things?
20. “Annoying Parenting Tips” – Wait…are those tips that are annoying, tips from people who are annoying or tips about how to be an annoying parent? I’ve got the last one covered.  And the first two now that I think about it….

And some days it is all about the words we chose to use…..

photo credt: http://www.bannedinhollywood.com