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Wednesday Wonderings

 

WonderingWednesdayWe’ve experienced some thunderstorms in the middle of the night the last few nights and have officially discovered that our new family member, Lady Lola the Diva Dog, does not appreciate thunderstorms.  My first clue was waking to find her standing on my head.  I wonder why they didn’t mention that in her adoption paperwork? That might have been useful information.  Well…okay…it did say she doesn’t like loud noises. It didn’t say she’d rip into our bedroom at 80 miles an hour in the event of a lightening strike.  Good thing she’s so cute.  The bonus of our mid-night escapades is that I’ve discovered  I ponder really silly things after a few night’s interrupted sleep.  Just in time! Without further ado: this week’s wonderings!

  1. Why do you not appreciate your thigh muscles until they hurt?  I didn’t even realize the suckers were there until the day after I spent an afternoon squatting on the ground pulling out rocks. OUCH!
  2. Why does everyone feel the need to post on Facebook about the weather when it turns hot? (Or cold for that matter?)  “Guess what! It’s hot out!” I guess that is for all your virtual friends who are living under a rock?
  3. Who invented cliffhangers at the end of a television season? Sadistic bugger. I need closure people!
  4. Who knew there were so many products out there to choose from to remove “tear stains” from your dog’s eyes? Should this be that complicated?!
  5. Why do motorcycles zip around you at a hundred miles an hour and then complain that no one is watching for them? (Okay…before you go there: I know this doesn’t apply to all motorcyclists.  Just the ones on the interstate.)
  6. Does anyone else ever wonder if it is actually possible to successfully empty an entire toothpaste tube by only squeezing from the bottom? No really. I want to hear from anyone who has done it.
  7. Where do all those bugs that show up at night come from? And while I’m thinking about it: why do they think up my nose is a good place to be? EW!
  8. Why does everyone think everything you say or post is about them?  It usually isn’t but if you are feeling guilty…. (We have a saying around here: “If the shoe fits…it’s likely a Wedel female will purchase it. Oh…wait…)
  9. Am I the only one who watches commercials for the latest greatest weight loss pill and wonders how many days it makes one spend in the bathroom to accomplish that weight loss?
  10.  Finally: how can a dog annoy and amuse you at the same time?  Probably the same way my kids always have but I haven’t figured out their secret either….

Have A Happy Wednesday All!

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This Week’s Headlines #41

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Oh what a week it’s been.  In news of my life I’d like to introduce our new family member Lola:

Lola

For those of you who remember this blog I posted when our old dog passed away, I told you eventually I’d want another dog.   We adopted our new sweet girl from the Nebraska Humane Society.  She’s already getting us trained.  Despite the excitement and the fact that I don’t want to quit petting her I did manage to find some time to read this week’s news and laugh. A lot.

  1. “Woman Frantic Costly Over Garage Sale Mistake” – Someone should have warned her that old vacuum wasn’t worth $250 nor does it work.
  2. “Deep Sea Trash like You’ve Never Seen Before” – Well since I haven’t hung out at the bottom of the ocean I don’t think I’ve ever seen any before.
  3. “Where Your Car Is Most Likely To be Stolen” – In public?
  4. “Beardless Brother Joins ‘Duck Dynasty’ Cast” – Are we sure it isn’t a sister??
  5. “If You Have These Habits You Might Get Hacked” –  Shopping on-line?Going on-line?  Logging into your computer?
  6. “NFL: Almost Enough Arrests To Form A Team” – Well they’ll need something to do during rec time.
  7. “Farmer Feeds Pot To Pigs” – Maybe he wanted them to quit squealing.
  8. “New ‘Terminator’ Movie Announced” – Oh good. I was just wondering when they’d resurrect that one. Now all we need is the “Back To The Future” people to get busy. Oh and the karate Kid to have a grandchild…
  9. “100 Year Old Woman Hits Another Milestone” – Because the century mark wasn’t good enough?
  10. “Summer Fashions That Flatter Fuller Figures” – Please don’t let the words “two piece” be in that article!
  11. “Bad News For Starbucks Baristas” – Menu expansion….again?
  12. “Airlines With The Best WiFi” – Yeah forget safety records. I want to know which plane will let me play Candy Crush.
  13. “Are You Sure You Want That Hamburger” – Ummm….yeah!
  14. “Food Ingredient That Is Aging Your Face” – Lemon?
  15. “New Fast Food Trend Is All About The Buns” – You mean how big ours are getting eating there?
  16. “Horse Fossil Yields Surprising Find” – Oh please don’t let this be another ancient poop story.
  17. “Obtaining a Home Loan may Be Getting Easier” – Isn’t this what caused the last problem?  Do we not learn from our mistakes?
  18. “Who Says Cars Can’t Swim” – Well no one.  We just call them boats.
  19. “School Lunches To Be Overhauled” – While I’d wholeheartedly endorse that….I’ll bet money no matter what they do the lunches will still be gross.
  20. “Dairy Queen Implements Employee Wellness Program” – Because all those High School students are out of shape? Ice Cream…wellness…sounds right to me!

And from the “Hey why didn’t I think of that?!” file:

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Happy Weekend All!!

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This Week’s Headlines #40

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WOW!  We’ve made it to 40!  This milestone makes me much happier referring to the number of headline posts I’ve made than it did when it referred to my age – just saying.  Thanks to all my favorite readers for hanging with my craziness for forty posts.  You’d think I’d run out of sarcasm eventually wouldn’t you? Let me assure you as long as I breathe I will be able to pick apart headlines.  It’s like a life game for me….

  1. “Former Contestants: Miss USA Contestants Are Too Skinny This Year” – Because you all exuded such health and body fat before? Jealous much?
  2. “Sight That Motivated The Heat To Comeback Win” – The scoreboard?
  3. “Mariah Carey Flaunts Barely-There Beach Wear” –  This is news?  Doesn’t she do that like every day?
  4. “Where Teens Are Flocking Instead Of Facebook” – Someplace their parents can’t see what they are doing.
  5. “Rihanna Hits Fan With Microphone” – I guess it’s a good idea to stay out of her way.  She learned from the best after all….
  6. “Ten National Parks You Didn’t Know Existed” – I’m going to venture a guess there are a few more than that.
  7. “How To Fold A Shirt in Two Seconds” – Incorrectly. (and I’m hoping my kids didn’t read this one!)
  8. “Man Wrestles Rampaging Bull To The Ground” – Bored?  Need to reassure yourself of your viral manliness? WOW!
  9. “Car Jumps Curb In NYC” – Again…this is news?  Happens every day around here.
  10. “NASA Wants Your Help To Stop Killer Asteroids” – Great! Be right there!!
  11. “Why Are Some People This Bad At Singing?” – I’m not positive of the whole reason but alcohol is usually a contributing factor.
  12. “Are you Boiling Potatoes The Wrong Way?”  There’s a wrong way? As long as it involves boiling water and potatoes I’d say you are on the right track.
  13. “U.S. Not Equipped To Battle Zombies In A Movie” – What? We’ve forgotten how to hit the off button??
  14. “Could You Eat A Burrito The Size Of A Baby?” – Why would I want to?!?
  15. “Half a Million For 480 Square Foot House” – Somebody is a sucker.
  16. “What Is He Really Thinking During Bikini Season” – If he’s smart…nothing.
  17. “Ancient Toilet Reveals Parasites In Crusader’Poop” – Okay…1 – EW!  2-Why did are looking for them? Or anything else in there?  3- Is anyone really surprised by this? 4-EW!!!!!!!!!!!!
  18. “Is It Time To Retire?” – Oh I wish!
  19. “Is Sugar In Fruit Better For you Than Other Sugar?” – Maybe…but it isn’t as much fun.
  20. ” ‘Dumb And Dumber To’ Is Saved From Chopping Block” – More proof that some things shouldn’t be saved….

And from the “DUH!” file:

casket-headlineHappy Weekend All!!

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This Week’s Headlines #39

newspaper

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve perused the latest headlines and I have to admit that I’ve missed it. I’m not sure what it is about poking fun at some of the things that hit my browser news feed that is so therapeutic but it just is.  Join me in this week’s therapy….

  1. “No You Are Not Hallucinating” – Thanks. I feel better.
  2. “McDonald’s CEO Makes A Surprising Admission” – It isn’t really food…
  3. “Starbucks Toilet Water Coffee Sparks Anger” – I’d guess so. EW!
  4. “Mermaid Hoax Makes A Big Splash” – Hoax?? What?! They aren’t real?!?!  I suppose next you are going to tell me crabs don’t sing either.  Sigh….
  5. “Typo On Sign Spurs Bomb Threat” – Was that a sign for anger management classes??
  6. “You’re Probably Playing Monopoly Wrong” – Well of course I am. I want it to end.
  7. “This Is Not Another Cute Animal Video” – Oh shoot! I haven’t seen enough of them on Facebook lately.
  8. “Best Way To Win An Argument” – Don’t start one.
  9. “High School’s Unpleasant Surprise For Grads” – Your diploma  isn’t signed.
  10. “Top Fast Food Chains You Haven’t Heard Of Yet” – Huh?  How did they get to the top if no one has heard of them?  That’s amazing!
  11. “The Food You Are Eating May Be From China” – Perfect! Then after I eat it and gain weight it’ll be at home in my clothes.
  12. “Prancercise: The Most Amazing Workout” – Prancercise?? There is a great mental image….
  13. “Simpson Looks Ready To Give Birth” – Well that is kind of rude.
  14. “H&M Apologizes: Models Have Been To Skinny” – Well it’s about time!
  15. “The Secret To Jennifer Aniston’s Fit Body” – She works out?
  16. “What Your Coffee Order Says About You” – I’m addicted?
  17. “Hidden Benefits Of Healthy Habits” – Ummm…gonna go out on a limb here…you are healthy?
  18. “Grumpy Cat Starring In A Movie” – Didn’t they already make Garfield?  Twice Already?
  19. “Can You Tell Who Is A Soda Addict And Who Is The Meth Addict?” – I would hope so.  I’ve heard of being hopped up on sugar, but….
  20. “Dangerous Braids That Can Tangle In Brains And Veins” – Dangerous Braids?  As much as I love them I gotta go with Butter Braids.  Well for my veins anyway….

I’m not sure if this one scares me or makes me laugh….

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It’s Wednesday! Wondering Where I’ve Been??

WonderingWednesday

It feels like it has been forever since I actually sat down and played in the blogosphere.  Where in the world has the time gone and how did I get so neglectful I wonder?  Oh…I know. Kid graduating 100 miles away.  End of the school year and the start of summer activities. Shift from a part-time job to a now full time job complete with overtime hours. Yardwork between rain (and snow!) storms.  Okay so I’ve been busy.  Busy enough it makes me wonder….

  1. Does the fact that I find myself wanting to run into other cars on the interstate simply on principle mean that I am showing early signs of road rage or does it just mean I’m now a “big city” commuter?
  2. Why do things that sound like they are going to be simple turn out to be a ridiculous amount of work?  Mini cupcakes for a graduation party? Simple enough: easy to bake…easy to frost. For your family.  When using one cake mix.  750 cupcakes later it hit me that I’m not working (or baking) with a full deck.
  3. Just how long will mini cupcakes keep in the freezer anyway?  Note to self: next graduation – fewer cupcakes – more salsa dip.
  4. Who invented the trombone?  Our youngest had his first music lesson yesterday and I must remember to send a thank you to the trombone’s inventor.  And his music teacher for picking it out for him.
  5. How many times do you think I can get away with, “Why don’t you go play for Grandma so she can see how good you are getting”?  I seriously thought something was having a terrible accident in my house last night.
  6. Last year we were headed in a drought.  This year we are getting rained (and stormed) upon every day. “Climate change”? Why don’t we call it what it really is: “We can’t predict nor control the weather so we have to come up with a name to blame it on”?
  7. If I promise to feel guilty every time I blast my hairspray can we give it a rest?  I remember the weather being this weird when I was little.  Really…
  8. Is it just me or is it ironic that last year at this time when I was doing battle with our overgrown yard I was dreaming of moving to a house with less yard work and this year I am living on a farm?  In case you were wondering: yes – that is the definition of ironic.
  9. Why does gardening always sound so much better in theory than in practice?  My everything hurts….and we aren’t done.
  10. I drove by a convoy (seriously – 5 trucks) painted with the logo “Port-O-Pots”.  Really?  That’s the best name they could come up with?? I don’t even want to know where they were going….

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Happy mid-week all!

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This Week’s Headlines #38

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This week’s news at the home front is that I’m exhausted. Wait that isn’t really news. Because of the busyness I haven’t had much time to peruse the news. I am making no promises about the quality of this week’s post.  Tired also makes me a bit loopy.  Just saying. Okay, disclaimer done, here goes….the stuff that caught my tired eyes this week:

  1. “Idol Judge Quits” – This is news? Doesn’t this happen every season?
  2. “Parenting Practice May Make Kids Depressed” – Well then I’ve done my job haven’t I?
  3. “Who Does Megan Fox’s Body Double Look Like?” – Ummmm…..Megan Fox? Just a guess.
  4. “Miley’s ‘Terrifying” Encounter” – She found a mirror?
  5. “Man Hitchhikes Around The World” – One has to wonder how he got to Hawaii….
  6. “Appalling New York City Rooms For Rent” – Is this supposed to help get them rented?
  7. “Five Degrees For People Who Don’t Like School” – Brought to you from the University of McDonalds.
  8. “How J-Lo’s Boyfriend ‘Out-divas’ Her” – Now that is impressive.  A 20-something diva boy toy.  His mom must be so proud.
  9. “Inmate Uses Spoon To Break Out Of Jail” – That’s a lot of digging.
  10. “Simple Design Tricks From A Mansion Makeover.” – I’ll be sure to write those down for when I get my next mansion.
  11. “Twitter Enabled Diapers” – Are they kidding? I need a tweet when the baby’s diaper needs to be changed.
  12. “Kick Me Prank Ends In Felony Conviction” – I wonder what the statute of limitations is on that one.  I know several people who might want to hide.
  13. “Landlord Mistakes Tenets Tomato Plants For Pot And Calls Cops” – Because they look so much alike.  Must have been faster than filing eviction papers.
  14. “Woman Slaps Deputy So She Can Go To Jail And Quit Smoking” – Okay – wow!  You’d think with that much creativity she could have figured out a way to fancy up those patches so no one would notice them….
  15. “Woman Accidentally Shot In Mouth With Harpoon” – Who keeps a harpoon lying around??
  16. “Rodman To Kim: ‘Do Me A Solid And Free American'” – I really really hope Dennis checked to see how that translated before he said it.
  17. “Woman Seeks Home For World War 2 Letters Found In Hatbox” – They had a home.  The hat box. Duh!
  18. “Houston Braces For Giant Snail Invasion” – Is this a really bad B-grade horror flick?  Are the snails giant or is the invasion giant?
  19. “Off-stage Drama Dominates American Idol” – It dominates on stage too doesn’t it?
  20. “Carter Named Most Trusted Politician” – Like that is saying much. Is that kind of like being the nicest grumpy old lady on the block?

Here’s a case of an unfortunate last name….

funny-headlines-gone-wrong-20Happy Weekend All!!

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Wednesday. I Wonder…

WonderingWednesday

At the moment I am wondering if I have one active brain cell left.  It’s been one of those weeks at work…which makes me wonder if I’m really cut out for this job. Of course I also wonder if I’m cut out for any job at this point.  Maybe an ice cream taste tester.  Yeah….I could do that job.  The other wonders around here are:

  1. Am I the only person who sometimes wishes someone would drop a house on a person? I mean really…if you’re going to be a witch we might as well take it all the way.  Maybe a bucket of water would work.
  2. How do we know what colorblind people see?  It isn’t like you can tell for sure.  How do we know when they say, “It looks gray to me.” that their isn’t like…say…our red and our red is really gray?
  3. Why are there just some people who make everything complicated?  Is that like a form of recreation for them or are they really just that complicated?
  4. Why didn’t I think that planning a graduation party from 100 miles away was going to be hard? I really should have known better shouldn’t I?  “With age comes wisdom”? Not in my life.
  5. Does anyone else break into a cold sweat every time the next child obtains the book to take their learner’s permit test?  Better put the hairdresser on speed dial.  I can feel those gray hairs coming in at a rapid rate.
  6. Who named a computer mouse a mouse?  They really aren’t that popular an animal.  If it’s because of the tail then what do I call my wireless one?  A blind mouse? (Wait for it…you’ll get it…think nursery rhyme.)
  7. Why do kids ask you the most questions when you are tired and not really listening?  Did I just agree to send one of them to Disneyland??
  8. Are birds particularly attracted to blue vehicles?  Do they look like bird bathrooms from above or something? You might have shared that insight with me before I moved to the country with no garage.
  9. Why are weeds easier to grow than flowers?  I mean after all they are both plants.
  10. Has anyone else ever noticed that there is nothing express about the express lane?  Why don’t they just call it the “We’ll make you think it’s quick by naming it this but then only staff it with one person who is trying to check out five hundred people all of whom have one item over the limit” lane?

And my biggest wonder today….

charliebrown

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I May Not Be Cut Out To Be A Digital Parent

I had an interesting call from our younger daughter’s school.  It was an invitation to a “Digital Parents Meeting.” I found myself wondering if that meant the parents would be digital, the meeting would be digital or…? Turns out it was a forum on youth and social media. “Parents who are informed on Social Media have a better chance of partnering with their children.”  Okay I guess I’ll buy that though I never really thought of “partnering” with my kids. I am more into “parenting” and “policing”….but that is a blog for another day.  The subject caught my interest anyway because my family has been encouraging me to get a twitter account for over a year now.  I’m hesitant to do that however because I find myself  having to sit on my hands in order to not make comments on people’s posts on the social media sites I am already on to begin with.  I’m not sure that adding another outlet for me to potentially get myself in trouble is a good idea. I serious: I can really get myself into trouble. I’m beginning to wonder if it’s just me because we all know that my brain works slightly different than most other people so I thought I’d enlist some help from my blogging friends.  The following are some real life examples of the things I keep seeing and the thoughts that pop into my head.   Go ahead. Take the quiz. I’d like to know I’m not alone.

**The news feed is crammed with pictures of wonderful new recipes to try.

Comments to make:

  1. “Have you actually tried this or are you bored?”
  2.  “Did I subscribe to the food network?”
  3. “Are you trying to make the rest of us feel like underachievers?”
  4. Refrain from commenting and bookmark the ones that you might like to try

**The news feed is crammed with pro/anti gun control, conservative / liberal quotes, pictures and the like.

Comments to make:

  1. “Totally understand that you are pro/anti “fill in the blank” and you have every right to be, but could you give it a rest?”
  2. “No seriously – give it a rest.”
  3. “Why don’t you use this energy writing to your congressman?”
  4. “Do you really imagine you are swaying people’s opinions or are you just trying to start a fight?”
  5. Hide the person.

**The same woman who bashes her spouse constantly also shares “Daily Marriage Builders”.

Comments to make:

  1. “Have you thought of trying any of these?”
  2. “Do you live in a virtual reality?”
  3. “Ever heard of matching your walk and your talk?”
  4. Shake your head and keep on scrolling.

**Another woman posts every thought that enters her head and you are pretty sure she is bi-polar. Seriously.  Depending on the day we are up and down and up again. And someone is always out to get her.

Comments to make:

  1. “You are aware they have meds for this right?”
  2. “Not everyone in the world is against you.  Grow up.”
  3. “Not everyone is interested in your every thought.  Really. But I hope you feel better now.”
  4. Shake your head and hide her.

**The local hypochondriac posts multiple updates, every day, on each symptom and pain.

Comments to make:

  1. “I’ll bet your doctor runs when he hears you’re on the phone.”
  2. “Quit reading the side effects on every pill bottle!”
  3. “You poor baby.  I feel so sorry for you.  (Is that what you were looking for?)”
  4. Thank the makers of Facebook for the “block” button.

**Someone posts a re-tweet of Kane West defending his relationship with Kim Kardashion. In that tweet he says, “She’s my baby mama and we’re together so get over it.” (or something to that effect.

Comments to make:

  1. “What a romantic guy!! WOW!”
  2. “Just so I’m straight: do you think calling someone ‘my baby mama’ is a good thing?”
  3. “Were you overly bored today?? Try following intelligent people.”
  4. Once again ponder the actual value of Twitter.

**You view for the hundredth time a post full of horrid grammar and spelling.

Comments to make:

  1. “Did you actually graduate from High School or did they just give you a diploma to get you out of there?”
  2. “Spell Check – Try It!”
  3. “They are = they’re…There is a place…Their is for those people.”
  4. Shut up and immediately write a thank you note to all of your former English teachers.

**Your news feed is crammed with all sorts of interesting game posts.

Comments to make:

  1. “Are you at work??”
  2. “Do you have no life?”
  3. “Thanks for sharing.  I was worried about what level your farm/garden/fishery was at.”
  4. Be thankful you can bock games and add game number 362 to your list.

**You see the same person, over and over, post every picture, quote, video and link they can find.  Multiple times a day.

Comments to make:

  1. “Seriously.  There is life outside your door.  try it.”
  2. “Can you try to limit yourself to 100 a day?”
  3. “Thank you for all the puppy/kitty/men pictures.  My whole day is much happier now.”
  4. Be thankful you have a life and get off the computer so you can go live it.

See….I told you I don’t think I’m ready to be a digital parent or a tweeter. (Just don’t tell my husband I use his account sometimes…okay?)

wonder7.quotesonimages

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This Week’s Headlines #37

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The big news around here this week was May Day.  More specifically the snow that fell on May Day and turned the roads into a slushy icy mess.  On May Day.  That means it snowed in May.  That isn’t exactly conducive to leaving fun flowery baskets and running off before you get caught. You’ll slip and fall down. I may live in Nebraska but this is unusual even for here.  Unusual enough that it caused our oldest daughter to text me: “Ok seriously.  Mother Nature is on CRACK!” Personally I think it’s global warming.  Wait….climate change.  That’s what we call it now.  Last year at this time it had been spring for two months already and we were headed into a drought.  This year it’s snowing in May and we can’t keep enough washer fluid in the cars to combat the precipitation falling from the sky.  I wouldn’t mind climate change so much if it would just pick a climate to change to.  In other news….

  1. “What To Major In If You Want To Get Rich” – Dating only children of multi-millionaires.
  2. “Worker Dies In Blender” – What?  Was he working at Charlie’s Chocolate Factory?
  3. “Meet The New Cinderella” – I’ve never actually met the old one.
  4. “Why LL Cool J Kept One Pant Leg Rolled Up” – Dog with an over active bladder?  Seems as logical as any other explanation.
  5. “Bikini Made Of Metal” – Oh now there is a great idea.  Go swimming in a lead suit.  Brilliant!
  6. “Can A Lack Of Friends Shorten Your Life” – I have no idea but I know I’ve had a few “friends” who have made me wish life was shorter.
  7. “See Bubba From Forest Gump Today” – What are they talking about? Bubba died!
  8. “Seven Things You Should Never Buy Used” #1 – gum.  #2 – underwear…..
  9. “Serious Benefits Of Late Night Eating” – You don’t sleepwalk to the kitchen?  Less grumpy at bedtime?
  10. “Freak Accident Forces College QB To Retire” –  Retire from college?  And aren’t all accidents ‘freak”?  Does anyone plan accidents?
  11. “Five Dying Careers You Should Avoid” – Well snow plow driver isn’t on the list.  This year anyway.
  12. “Tim Tebow Doesn’t Interest Dolphins” – Neither do I.  Your point?
  13. “What If Barbie Looked Like A Real Woman?” – Her clothes wouldn’t fit and she could never walk in those shoes.
  14. “Kim Kardasion Freaks Out At Beauty Salon” – Just wait until she gets to the delivery room.
  15. “Dramatic Bee Disappearance Explained” – Bug spray?
  16. “Former Boy Band Member’s Advice” – Hair gel doesn’t work on bald spots?
  17. “Warren Buffet Sends His First Tweet” – Oh please.  I’m sure he has someone to do that for him.
  18. “Vouge’s Guide To Affordable Fashion” – Affordable for whom? Your models?
  19. “Shoplifter Argues: The Store Is Named Finders Keepers” – Okay that one is actually pretty cleaver.  Bet it didn’t work but he should get time off for creativity.
  20. “How To Read Food Labels” – With a dictionary.  Wait is monosodyliglucomine in the dictionary?  Maybe invite a scientist over…

And from my “Ya Think?!” file:

Photo Credit: mom-ology.ca

Photo Credit: mom-ology.ca

I’d imagine he had pain in several places….

Happy Weekend All!!

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This Week’s Headlines – #36

newspaper-cartoon

Ahhh…finally Friday my friends.  Warm weather weekend headed our way here in Nebraska – now that is news!  I’m quite sure the size of the weeds in the yard will also make the news this weekend…unless of course I get myself out there to battle a few of them.  Not exactly good news but I’ll take it if it means I can pack my sweaters away.  Elsewhere this week:

  1. “Woman Calls Police After Discovering 30 lbs Of Drugs Under Her Car” – You’d think the gas mileage would have clued her in sooner.
  2. “Duchess Finally Looks Pregnant” – Oh for pity sake. We really have nothing better to do than stalk the woman and take pictures of her stomach?  I sure would have enjoyed that.
  3. “Simple Move To Sculpt A Washboard Stomach” – Away from the table? Hate to be a skeptic but…nothing with the words “sculpt” and “stomach” used together is ever simple.
  4. “‘Dirty’ Fruit Can Make You Sick” – ummmm….so can dirty anything else. Duh!
  5. “Blue Lipstick Looks Good On” – If you are attracted to corpses.
  6. “Is Facebook Game Fad Over” – One can only hope!
  7. “WWE Twins Land Role On Reality Television” – Didn’t they already do that?
  8. “Woman Told She Is Too Overweight To Tan” – Huh?  Because the sun isn’t big enough to reach all of her at once??
  9. “Where The Rich Are Stashing Their Cash Now” – Well….maybe not after this article hit the internet.
  10. “Is The McDonald’s Value Menu Too Cheap?” – Isn’t that the point?  How much can one really expect someone to pay for that stuff anyway?
  11. “SmartCar’s New Head Turner” –  You can turn your head in one of those things?!?
  12. “Baffling Find In NY River” – A fish?
  13. “Former Lingerie Model Felt Like ‘A Piece Of Meat'” – Well DUH!  You didn’t think they hired you for your brain did you?
  14. “House Flippers Can’t Unload Castle” – Did they really think there was a big market for those?
  15. “Seven Things Wealthy People Know” – Their pin numbers.
  16. “How To Get A Bikini Body In Four Weeks” – Rent one?
  17. “What To Do Id You Can’t Pay Your Mortgage” – Buy a smaller house?
  18. “Airline Promotes In-Flight Flirting” – Great news for the wives at home while their husbands are on business trips.
  19. “Police Find Drugs On Bieber’s Bus” – Insert collective gasp of (sarcastic) disbelief.  You’d think that at the very least drugs would make his voice change….
  20. “When A $131 Million Divorce Payment Isn’t Enough” – You really need to reevaluate your lifestyle.

And yet another one from the “HUH?!?” file:

house arrest

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