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Honest or Unhelpful??

Iam helpfulThere are times in my life when I ponder whether or not I am a little too honest about myself.  I know me and I know the things of which I am capable. While I believe that is a good thing, there are times when I wonder if I should share that knowledge with others. Sometimes it makes me seem unhelpful. Just ask my poor husband.

When we moved into this house last year I was well aware that there was a likelihood that we would at some point be visited by a rodent or two.  It is to be expected when one occupies a home that has been vacant for several years and is located on a farm.  (While this fact isn’t one of my favorite things about our current home it is one that I decided I could handle: eyes on the prize after all.)  Knowing this I wasn’t all together too freaked out last fall when we had a few unwanted visitors. I was expecting them and was mentally prepared.  What I wasn’t expecting was that several months later, in subzero temperatures and following a small investment in pest control products spread throughout the house, that we’d have another rodent-infidel slip in.  I mean, after all, we hadn’t seen a sign of a mouse for months and it has been freezing cold outside. Shouldn’t those little buggars be frozen or hibernating or something?  Who can blame me for letting my guard down? I truly thought mouse season had passed. You can imagine my surprise when I discovered I was wrong. Really, REALLY wrong.

Last Tuesday evening we had spent the evening cuddled in our warm house as a family. (At 15 below who wants to do anything else?)  The children had retired for the evening and I was preparing to do the same.   As I walked out of the bathroom in the hall out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw something run across our bedroom floor. ‘Nah.’ I thought. ‘I’m just really tired. It was probably just one of those weird eye things.’  I went into our room and began to change when suddenly out from under the bed the same “eye thing” streaked out and ran under my husband’s dresser.  EEEEEK! So there I was, in an unclothed state, doing what I typically do when I see a mouse: freezing on the spot. Completely immobile with the words ‘do NOT scream and wake up the kids’ I managed to grab my robe and run out to get my superhero husband who was, thankfully, home.  Had he not been home I would have ended up spending the night on the couch…at my mother’s house. (Sorry kids – you are on your OWN!) Muttering “Great” my superhero grabbed his tools of mouse destruction (a flash light and a broom) and headed for our room.  Following my usual procedure and being my typically brave self, I headed for the furthest point in the house from our room. (I do the damsel in distress well – no??)

While I was sitting in the dark pondering how much longer we were planning to live in the house and wondering what in the world was wrong with the farm cats whose job it is to catch these creepy things BEFORE they get in (they are SO fired!), I heard thunking in our room.  ‘Yay!’, I thought, “My superhero found him!! It won’t be long until I can just go to bed.”  More time passed.  More noises in our room. No triumphant husband coming out to give me the ‘all clear’.  Maybe he was just cleaning up. I decided I could be brave enough to investigate, after all I was exhausted and just wanted to go to bed.  Upon returning to our room I found him still on the floor with the flashlight looking under things.  It turns out that he had in fact spotted Mr. Mouse under the dresser but the wily rodent had gotten behind the pedestal leg so he couldn’t get to him with the broom.  Knowing that he’d have to block the furry menace in there somehow while he moved the dresser, my husband had turned around to grab something and by the time he had turned back around the creepy creature had vanished. Poof! Gone.   I walked in just as he was getting ready to  check under the bed again. Looking for assistance he asked me, “If I chase him out from under the bed can you hit him with the broom?”  Here was my moment to shine. To truly be the helpmate to this man that I vowed to be so many years ago.  Here was my chance to be my superhero’s sidekick.  I looked my sweet husband square in the eye and said, “No.”  Completely unhelpful.

As I scurried away I felt a little guilty.  I knew I should help. I knew that at moment my superhero was pondering whether or not he should find a better sidekick: one who doesn’t flee during the heat of battle.   I was in one of those moments of being completely honest about myself that generally makes me look unhelpful.  I knew that there was no way I would hit that mouse.  I would freeze and watch the mouse run by.   Though my husband had looked at me with disbelief when I answered, I knew that I was really saving him some frustration.  Really I was.  I have experience in this. My mind raced back to the many times in my childhood when, during a “mouse rodeo”, my mom would stand with broom in hand ready to help my dad. He was the “flusher” and she was supposed to be the “bopper”. What happened every time, however, is that my dad would be the “flusher” and my mom became the “dancer” – hopping up and down screaming.  To my knowledge she has yet to ever hit a mouse with a broom.  (She might have accidentally landed on one during her hopping but I don’t think so.) While these moments make for really funny stories later in life the truth is hopping or freezing up really isn’t helpful at the time. The mouse escapes and the rodeo continues in another room.

See? My honesty really was helping my husband, he just didn’t know it at the time.



Wednesday Wonderings


WonderingWednesdayWe’ve experienced some thunderstorms in the middle of the night the last few nights and have officially discovered that our new family member, Lady Lola the Diva Dog, does not appreciate thunderstorms.  My first clue was waking to find her standing on my head.  I wonder why they didn’t mention that in her adoption paperwork? That might have been useful information.  Well…okay…it did say she doesn’t like loud noises. It didn’t say she’d rip into our bedroom at 80 miles an hour in the event of a lightening strike.  Good thing she’s so cute.  The bonus of our mid-night escapades is that I’ve discovered  I ponder really silly things after a few night’s interrupted sleep.  Just in time! Without further ado: this week’s wonderings!

  1. Why do you not appreciate your thigh muscles until they hurt?  I didn’t even realize the suckers were there until the day after I spent an afternoon squatting on the ground pulling out rocks. OUCH!
  2. Why does everyone feel the need to post on Facebook about the weather when it turns hot? (Or cold for that matter?)  “Guess what! It’s hot out!” I guess that is for all your virtual friends who are living under a rock?
  3. Who invented cliffhangers at the end of a television season? Sadistic bugger. I need closure people!
  4. Who knew there were so many products out there to choose from to remove “tear stains” from your dog’s eyes? Should this be that complicated?!
  5. Why do motorcycles zip around you at a hundred miles an hour and then complain that no one is watching for them? (Okay…before you go there: I know this doesn’t apply to all motorcyclists.  Just the ones on the interstate.)
  6. Does anyone else ever wonder if it is actually possible to successfully empty an entire toothpaste tube by only squeezing from the bottom? No really. I want to hear from anyone who has done it.
  7. Where do all those bugs that show up at night come from? And while I’m thinking about it: why do they think up my nose is a good place to be? EW!
  8. Why does everyone think everything you say or post is about them?  It usually isn’t but if you are feeling guilty…. (We have a saying around here: “If the shoe fits…it’s likely a Wedel female will purchase it. Oh…wait…)
  9. Am I the only one who watches commercials for the latest greatest weight loss pill and wonders how many days it makes one spend in the bathroom to accomplish that weight loss?
  10.  Finally: how can a dog annoy and amuse you at the same time?  Probably the same way my kids always have but I haven’t figured out their secret either….

Have A Happy Wednesday All!



It’s Wednesday! Wondering Where I’ve Been??


It feels like it has been forever since I actually sat down and played in the blogosphere.  Where in the world has the time gone and how did I get so neglectful I wonder?  Oh…I know. Kid graduating 100 miles away.  End of the school year and the start of summer activities. Shift from a part-time job to a now full time job complete with overtime hours. Yardwork between rain (and snow!) storms.  Okay so I’ve been busy.  Busy enough it makes me wonder….

  1. Does the fact that I find myself wanting to run into other cars on the interstate simply on principle mean that I am showing early signs of road rage or does it just mean I’m now a “big city” commuter?
  2. Why do things that sound like they are going to be simple turn out to be a ridiculous amount of work?  Mini cupcakes for a graduation party? Simple enough: easy to bake…easy to frost. For your family.  When using one cake mix.  750 cupcakes later it hit me that I’m not working (or baking) with a full deck.
  3. Just how long will mini cupcakes keep in the freezer anyway?  Note to self: next graduation – fewer cupcakes – more salsa dip.
  4. Who invented the trombone?  Our youngest had his first music lesson yesterday and I must remember to send a thank you to the trombone’s inventor.  And his music teacher for picking it out for him.
  5. How many times do you think I can get away with, “Why don’t you go play for Grandma so she can see how good you are getting”?  I seriously thought something was having a terrible accident in my house last night.
  6. Last year we were headed in a drought.  This year we are getting rained (and stormed) upon every day. “Climate change”? Why don’t we call it what it really is: “We can’t predict nor control the weather so we have to come up with a name to blame it on”?
  7. If I promise to feel guilty every time I blast my hairspray can we give it a rest?  I remember the weather being this weird when I was little.  Really…
  8. Is it just me or is it ironic that last year at this time when I was doing battle with our overgrown yard I was dreaming of moving to a house with less yard work and this year I am living on a farm?  In case you were wondering: yes – that is the definition of ironic.
  9. Why does gardening always sound so much better in theory than in practice?  My everything hurts….and we aren’t done.
  10. I drove by a convoy (seriously – 5 trucks) painted with the logo “Port-O-Pots”.  Really?  That’s the best name they could come up with?? I don’t even want to know where they were going….


Happy mid-week all!

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It’s Wednesday So Of Course I’m Wondering


The biggest of my wonderings lately has been about the fact that I can’t seem to get as much done around the house as I used to.  I feel like I’m always running in circles and not quite keeping up.  I just couldn’t wrap my brain around it.  The house is half the size of our old one and I have half as many kids at home.  I also have a mother who feeds us about once a week.  I mean what is my problem??  Then suddenly the light bulb went off with the help of my sweet husband who has a gift of pointing out the obvious: I am working ten to thirteen hours more a week now and I have an hour a day commute.  Oh…that might explain it.   I guess once in a while my meandering wondering actually creates results.  Who knew?

  1. Why is it when you get new technology the first thing people say is, “Give it time – you’ll love it!”  Okay I’ve had a Mac Book at work for almost five weeks now.  I can tolerate it now and I even like a couple features but, sorry apple- ites,  can’t say I love it.  How much more time does it take?
  2. Will I never learn?  I got a new phone over the weekend (see above question.)  I used to be able to text quickly….
  3. Does it mean that I’ve done too much yard work because I discovered an Easter egg that was at least three years old and actually pondered for the moment if the candy inside would still be good?  Please tell me yes.
  4. Why is it you always realize you did the wrong thing a second after you did it and there is nothing to do to stop it?  I’m surprised I haven’t blown up every electronic we’ve ever owned.
  5. Am I the only person whose “one more thing” before I go to bed takes twice as long as I thought it would? No wonder I’m tired!
  6. Why do people in really nice cars ride your bumper on a gravel road and then make gestures at you because you are getting dust on them?  In fact why are they driving a really expensive car on a gravel road anyway?
  7. Is it bad that I actually contemplated finding the biggest rock on the road and hitting it just right so it would “accidentally” come off my back tire into the person above’s windshield.  Don’t worry.  I didn’t.
  8. Does anyone else think about holding your breath when the nurse is taking your pulse?  You know she’s watching and counting your respiration, right? Again don’t worry.  I haven’t.
  9. Am I the only one who constantly fights thoughts like those above?
  10. Where in the world did they get the great idea to name a product “Tag Away“?  I mean it’s very literal but couldn’t they have jazzed it up a bit?  How about “Flap Be Gone”?  “Liquid Skin Scissors”? Okay.  Now we know why I don’t work in marketing.

See? I told you wondering is a good thing sometimes….


This Week’s Headlines – #36


Ahhh…finally Friday my friends.  Warm weather weekend headed our way here in Nebraska – now that is news!  I’m quite sure the size of the weeds in the yard will also make the news this weekend…unless of course I get myself out there to battle a few of them.  Not exactly good news but I’ll take it if it means I can pack my sweaters away.  Elsewhere this week:

  1. “Woman Calls Police After Discovering 30 lbs Of Drugs Under Her Car” – You’d think the gas mileage would have clued her in sooner.
  2. “Duchess Finally Looks Pregnant” – Oh for pity sake. We really have nothing better to do than stalk the woman and take pictures of her stomach?  I sure would have enjoyed that.
  3. “Simple Move To Sculpt A Washboard Stomach” – Away from the table? Hate to be a skeptic but…nothing with the words “sculpt” and “stomach” used together is ever simple.
  4. “‘Dirty’ Fruit Can Make You Sick” – ummmm….so can dirty anything else. Duh!
  5. “Blue Lipstick Looks Good On” – If you are attracted to corpses.
  6. “Is Facebook Game Fad Over” – One can only hope!
  7. “WWE Twins Land Role On Reality Television” – Didn’t they already do that?
  8. “Woman Told She Is Too Overweight To Tan” – Huh?  Because the sun isn’t big enough to reach all of her at once??
  9. “Where The Rich Are Stashing Their Cash Now” – Well….maybe not after this article hit the internet.
  10. “Is The McDonald’s Value Menu Too Cheap?” – Isn’t that the point?  How much can one really expect someone to pay for that stuff anyway?
  11. “SmartCar’s New Head Turner” –  You can turn your head in one of those things?!?
  12. “Baffling Find In NY River” – A fish?
  13. “Former Lingerie Model Felt Like ‘A Piece Of Meat'” – Well DUH!  You didn’t think they hired you for your brain did you?
  14. “House Flippers Can’t Unload Castle” – Did they really think there was a big market for those?
  15. “Seven Things Wealthy People Know” – Their pin numbers.
  16. “How To Get A Bikini Body In Four Weeks” – Rent one?
  17. “What To Do Id You Can’t Pay Your Mortgage” – Buy a smaller house?
  18. “Airline Promotes In-Flight Flirting” – Great news for the wives at home while their husbands are on business trips.
  19. “Police Find Drugs On Bieber’s Bus” – Insert collective gasp of (sarcastic) disbelief.  You’d think that at the very least drugs would make his voice change….
  20. “When A $131 Million Divorce Payment Isn’t Enough” – You really need to reevaluate your lifestyle.

And yet another one from the “HUH?!?” file:

house arrest

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Wondering on Wednesday


Middle of the week…halfway to the weekend…almost there….my day to unload some random questions that flit through my brain. I’m starting to like Wednesdays.

  1. Am I the only one who has to suppress the urge to say “If I wanted anything else I’d have told you” to the person on the other side of the drive through intercom?
  2. Why is it that the more sleep you get the night before the harder it is to get going in the morning?  It’s like my body says, “Hey – I kind of liked that. Let’s do that some more!”
  3. Why do we flush fish down the toilet?  Is it the connection to water thing?  Seriously – we bury any other pet but flush the fish??  Because they live in water they should go to the sewer?  That just seems unfair somehow.
  4. Why does the sound of wind make you so tired.  I live in Nebraska where the wind blows constantly. You’d think I’d be used to it by now.
  5. Who makes the laugh tracks for tv shows and how can I get that job?  I’d laugh for a paycheck. No problem.
  6. Why do people post things on social networks that they would never ever tell anyone under any other circumstance?  There is still a line….just saying.
  7. How can kids be at each other’s throats one minute and laughing like best friends the next?  What did I miss?
  8. Have you ever noticed when you move you think that you found the perfect spot for something and then decide there is someplace better to put it.  Three times. I need to quit rearranging things. It takes too much energy and confuses everyone.
  9. Why do schools wait to put everything at the end of the year?  I need one more thing to attend.
  10. Why do they still put “Caution: Flammable. Do Not Use Near Open Flame” on the back of hairspray cans?  Is this a hold over from when women did their hair by candlelight? Is there anyone who doesn’t know this?  Why don’t they just put what they really mean: “Caution: Flammable. While it’s a whole lot of fun and every kid really has to do this at one point in their life, using this can and a lighter to create a blowtorch to impress your friends may start your mother’s curtains on fire and get you into trouble.  Go outside.”



Why Life Should Be A Musical

Photo Credit:

Photo Credit:

Last week a friend from high school posted a video on you tube of a musical we were both in many years ago.  After the panic of “how do I untag myself so my children never see this” subsided I found myself watching and remembering how much fun doing that production of “Godspell’ was.  Some of my best memories are from participating in high school musicals (no – not the Disney kind.)  This Sunday found our youngest daughter and I watching a couple musicals on television.  Again I was reminded of how much I love musicals.  I have mentioned before how big a part of my life music is and how there is usually some song running through my head (click here for that post) but now I have decided that life really would be better if it were a musical.  Seriously.  Hang with me here.  I have thought this through thoroughly.

  •  It is always easy to tell who the good guys and who the bad guys are. (Yes I know the theatrical and literary term for this is protagonist and antagonist but I think good guys and bad guys is easier to follow.  I’m a simpleton okay.)  This is due to costuming and the theme music that plays when they enter the scene.  How much easier would life be if the person who was going to try to ruin your life entered the room and really sinister music started?
  • You get to sing about everything.  Try it. Sing the following line to the tune of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”: “What in the world should I cook today? I think cereal would be okay.”  Makes life so much more fun don’t you think?
  • All the happy events in your life are celebrated by a really large production number involving everyone you know.  How cool would it be to just drop everything and spontaneously sing and dance when you are happy?  Think of the calories you’d burn.  Add to that everyone in the area backing you up? Are you kidding? Perfect!
  •  When life takes a turn for the worse you get to pour out your sadness with a soulful solo with great lighting.  Talk about a cleansing experience.  There is nothing like sitting in a spotlight in an otherwise blackened room pouring out your woes to get it out of your system. You’ll notice most musical casts do not include psychologists.
  • The costumes are great and there is always someone around to adjust them and fix your makeup.  No more pondering what you should wear.  It’s already decided for you. You always look great and if you don’t it is someone else’s fault.
  • There is always a great lesson to be learned from the plot.  I wonder how much smarter we’d all be if we looked for the lessons in life’s plot.
  • True love always wins.  No matter how beautiful the “other woman” is the heroine always gets her man. No matter how impossible it looks in the end the couple always finds true love. Girly sigh….
  • The good guy always wins and the sinister plot always fails.  It would be better if life worked that way don’t you think?
  • Everyone dances.  What a great exercise program.  No more sweaty gyms and machines.  You just dance through life to get your cardio in.  Much happier, don’t you think?
  • Everyone lives happily ever after and celebrates it with a HUGE song at the end. (AND you get to take a bow.)  How sweet is that.  Okay – I know there are a few musical exceptions to everyone living happily ever after.  “Westside Story” comes to mind but everyone really did learn a great lesson.  And really how well could a guy working at a drug store support a 15 year old wife anyway?
  • At the end of your story you get an ovation and flowers.  Who can ask for more than that?

Okay so there may be a few flaws in my theory.  I realize that not everyone can sing and dance. I also realize that everyone doesn’t want to.  I must say I can’t imagine why not.  I mean who in the world wouldn’t like to have a large marching band following you playing a peppy tune at the moment you admit you really are in love with that guy who appeared to be a scoundrel?  Sounds perfect to me….(just look how happy they are!)



This Week’s Headlines #35


There was so much sad news this week I was hesitant to post this blog.  I decided to go ahead with my weekly poke at news despite my reservations. If this offends you I apologize – that wasn’t my intent.  My intent was to inject a little humor into a long week of sad news.  Here’s hoping for happier headlines in the weeks to come.  Happy Friday all!

  1. “Billionaire Wins Wine Fight” – Wonder if there was caviar involved?
  2. “Millions Of Wasps Found In Abandoned Home” – That would be because occupied homes have Raid.
  3. “3 Arrested After Police Follow Footprints” – They obviously didn’t watch “Criminal Minds’ before they robbed the store did they?
  4. “Circus Elephant Shot In Drive-by Shooting” – Who does a drive by at a circus? And all they could hit was an elephant?  Not impressive.
  5. “Man Writes Resignation Letter On A Cake” – Did he work at a bakery?  Hoping that they’ll pay his unused vacation?  Wish I’d have thought of that.
  6. “Why Bradly Cooper Lives With His Mom” – Because he can. Duh!
  7. “The Worst Thing You Can Have On A Resume” – ‘Fired’
  8. “Town Bans Style Of Pants” – One can only hope that they are the ones with the crotch that hangs between the knees and waistband half down the butt.
  9. “Disgusting Mess Left In Hotel Room By NFL Hopeful” – Well duh!  He’s a football player.  They aren’t known for being tidy.
  10. “Pope Supports Crackdown On U.S. Nuns” – Finally someone read all those letters written in parochial school study hall.
  11. “Why We Really Don’t Want Low Every Day Prices” – Speak for yourselves people.
  12. “Kat Von D’s Unusual Wedding Theme” – what a surprise because she’s so normal….
  13. “Good News For Tiger Woods After Loss” – Everyone likes his new girlfriend?
  14. “Swallowed Ring Recovered By Police” – I don’t wanna know.
  15. “Judge Fines Himself For Using Cell Phone In Court Room” – That’ll teach him to hit “silent”!  Wonder if he’ll appeal to himself too.
  16. “Snacks That Help You Burn Body Fat” – I’m guessing chocolate chip cookies didn’t make the list. Darn!
  17. “How To Rescue Your Wet Phone” – Well there went that plot to upgrade before I really needed to….
  18. “Gross Facts About Food Enhancer” – Does anyone else remember when we could blissfully eat food completely unaware that it was going to kill us?  I miss that.
  19. “CEO Gives $3.6 Million Bonus To Employees” – Sure tell me that now that I already found a job.
  20. “Toning Exercises You Can Do In The Living Room” – Remote lifting?  My arms should be super-toned by now.

And in honor of “tax week” a little reminder of how well our money is spent:




It’s Wonderful Wondering Wednesday!


Today’s blog is dedicated to my wonderfully wondrous husband. It’s his  birthday. He truly does fill my life with wonder and I’m so glad he puts up with me.  Most of the time I wonder why he does.  For example: it’s his birthday and did I do anything special?  Not really.  We are going to Starbucks later for a Birthday treat.  I wonder if they’ll put a candle in his cup for me….

  1. Do you suppose Syd from “Toy Story” grew up and started a toy refurb company?  I mean after talking to Woody like that you’d think he’d want to give back to toys.  Is anyone else disappointed they didn’t follow-up on that story line? (I swear if Pixar makes that movie I’m suing for the rights to the idea.   Remember – you saw it here first!) My kids tell me that the trash guy in Toy Story 3 is Syd because he has a skull shirt on but I’m not willing to settle for that.
  2. I understand it takes skill and finesse but is there anything  more boring than watching golf on television?  Why did I waste an afternoon checking in on that anyway?  What was I thinking?
  3. Considering this “spring’s” weather, I wonder where those little robins hopping about our yard go when it snows.  Do you suppose they think, “That’ll teach us to listen to a stupid groundhog!”?
  4. Is there anything better in the world than listening to a kid giggle?  I mean really giggle because they are delighted at something simple.
  5. Why do cats follow me around?  I’ve mentioned that I’m not a cat lover right?  You’d think they’d follow around someone who doesn’t tell them to go away.
  6. Where in the parenting manual does it say that every teenage girl will decide you have no brain cells what so ever?  You’d think they could warn us.  Okay – I’m on teenage daughter number 2…you’d think I’d have seen this one coming.
  7. Am I the only one who wonders if the people driving on the interstate in the morning are that crabby to their co-workers too?  It’s amazing they still have jobs.  Calm down people…and leave earlier.
  8. On what planet was it decided that girls’ dresses should resemble what used to be a shirt?  I went to our youngest daughter’s concert the other night and had to resist the temptation to cover our youngest son’s eyes.  WOW!  Really – no one needs to see all that.
  9. Am I the only one who feels guilty when someone does something nice for me? Seriously. It isn’t like I never do nice things for people.   Once in a while anyway.
  10. Who decided that it was a good idea for Louie Anderson to be on a show about diving?  There are some things that just don’t go together but I am thankful they didn’t put him in a speedo.  While I’m thinking about it…who decided a show about celebrities diving was a good idea?  “Plunge off a really high platform and throw in a flip even though you have never done this before.” Brilliant! And so safe!

Happy Mid-Week Everyone!!



I Don’t Want To Understand

Like everyone else for me yesterday was just a normal day until the news of the horror at the finish line of the Boston marathon broke.  I found out via inter-office email from someone who asked for prayer for a friend who was there.  The sender was unsure if their friend was okay.  Driving home as I listened to the news on the radio  I couldn’t help but think about all the people waiting to find out if their loved ones were okay.  Or the people who already knew their loved ones were not okay.  I can’t imagine. Arriving home I watched the news reports with my husband.  I saw the footage of the bombs, the panic, the aftermath.  The thought struck me that the people I  was seeing on my screen were loved by someone somewhere.  I can’t imagine seeing my loved one lying injured on footage of the evening news.  Then my thoughts turned to the person or people responsible.  Over and over my mind searched for the answer to “Why would anyone do this?  How does anyone get to the point where they are so depraved that they no longer value the life of another human? What happens to a person that makes them think such a horrible thing is justified?”  I just don’t understand it.  I spent quite a while trying to wrap my brain around it and I still don’t understand it.  The more I thought about it the more I came to the conclusion that it’s probably a good thing not to understand it. Some things will never be understandable.  Understanding it would mean I could think like a person who no longer values others.  Understanding it would mean that I lost my ability to care.  The more I thought about it the more I’ve decided: I don’t want to understand it.


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